The Best Oliver Levitt Quotes

[Allison and Joe are asleep when the phone rings]
Joe: It's Two-twenty in the morning, this ought to be illegal. I got it.
[Answering phone]
Joe: Yeah.
Oliver: May I please talk to your wife?
Joe: It's a kid. Who is this? How old are you? Do you know what time it is?
Oliver: It's 20 minutes after two. Will you hand the phone to your wife, please?
Joe: No, no, as a matter of fact, I will not. It's the middle of the night and she's in bed, which is where somebody your age ought to be. Now, if you call here again, I'm contacting your parents. Trust me, you'll wish you'd never been born.
[Hangs up phone]
Allison: What did he say?
Joe: I don't know, he said he wanted to talk to you.
[Phone rings again and Joe answers it]
Joe: Yes?
Oliver: I really don't have any parents. And I already wish I'd never been born. So, if you don't mind, may I please speak with your wife?