200 Best Only Fools and Horses.... Quotes

Derek: Yeah, blimey what a turn up, eh? He thought he was gonna pull a Swede and she's got lumbered with a cabbage!

Trigger: [talking about his invention of a backscratcher made from chopsticks] Raquel, can you pass a message onto Del Boy?
Raquel: OK.
Trigger: Tell him there's been a bit of a setback. My paraffin heater melted the chopsticks. I might have to go to a Chinese shop. He'll understand.
[Raquel looks completely bemused]

Vicar: I have become dismayed, even shocked by the attitude of youth - but today you walked into this church and offered us this tree simply because you care. You have rekindled my faith in the human race. It's not nicked, is it?
[Del Boy is trying to sell Christmas trees to him]

Derek: When a woman goes out with me, she is guaranteed three things. Well, four, actually, but the fourth is an optional extra.

Mike: [Del and Rodney are trying to sell Mike a computer] What exactly does that mean?
Del: Well it means you can... you can... tell him what it means, Rodney.
[to Mike]
Del: He's taken a course in this, he came top of his class.
Rodney: Well, in 'layman's' terms it means you can, em, well, you er, you can record all your business deals.
Mike: I spend half my life trying to hide my business deals. So the last thing I want is to have 'em all recorded on a floppy bloody disc! I'm not interested. Ask Trigger.
Rodney: Trigger? With a computer? Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches!

Derek: I'll take them over to North London, show them where Jack The Ripper was buried.
Rodney: Nobody knows where Jack The Ripper was buried.
Derek: They can't prove me wrong then, can they? Eh?

Derek: [to the newborn Damien] You're gonna have such fun. You are. And when you get the hump, cos' you're bound to get the hump sometimes, I'll muck about and make you laugh. Cos' I've mucked about all my life, and I never knew the reason why until now.

Derek: Au contraire Rodney, au contraire! Because as soon as old Boycie weighs in with the poppy I'm going straight down the bureau de change and I'm gonna get a few hundred translated for her! So that means that Anna is gonna go straight back to the Fatherland with 300 drachma in her bin!

Del: S'il vous plait.

Rodney: [shows Biffo's damaged trumpet to Albert] Look at it! Just look at it, will ya?
Uncle: Get that thing away from me!
Rodney: Well, what am I supposed to tell Biffo? I let Uri Geller have a go on it?

[during an opera, Del Boy is returning to his seat with several ice creams; he is making a lot of noise, apologising for treading on the toes of the people further along the row who have to stand up to let him past]
Lady: Are you going to continue making this noise throughout the entire performance?
Derek: I don't know. I might let you off the second half.

Derek: "The truth is only relative to what you can earn from a lie". Einstein.
Grandad: I'll tell you one truth you wont earn a brass farthing out of - no-one is gonna turn up!
Derek: They will turn up! They'e got to! This time next year we'll be millionaires.
Grandad: You said that this time last year.

Del: I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers.
Rodney: [with a chill in his voice] You went and saw the Driscoll brothers?
Uncle: Why, what they like?
Rodney: Oh smashing blokes, Unc! It's like bumping into the two Ronnies, - Biggs and Kray!

Derek: We'll scatter it evenly about, whilst we sign a hymn or something. Do you know any hymns?
Rodney: Um... We Three Kings Of Orient Are
Derek: Right.
Derek: We three...
Derek: That is a Christmas Carol you wally. Why don't you go whole hog you know & sing Jingle Bells while I dance about & we sprinke him around.

[Talking about naming Del's baby]
Trigger: If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney, after the actress. And if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney, after Dave.

Derek: An hour ago you were the Man of Mystery; now we know your name, your address and your mum's shoe size!

Rodney: [pointing at Uncle Albert] Well it's his fault isn't it?
Uncle: [to Del] What's he on about now?
Del: Oh I don't bleedin know, do I?
Rodney: Look, every single battleship, cruiser and merchant ship he ever sailed on either got torpedoed of dive-bombed... and two of them in peace-time! I'm telling you Del, that man is a jinx!
Del: Oh leave it out Rodney. You'll be burning Witches next!

Del: I don't believe you. Not only have you managed to sink every battleship and aircraft carrier you've ever sailed on, but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat!

Del: It's the bacon and the egg situation all over again.
Rodney: It's the chicken and the egg.
Del: We haven't got time to discuss food, Rodney!

Rodney: [last lines of the episode; the Trotters have just discovered that Del unknowingly painted their mother's gravestone with luminous paint] Do you realise that our mum's grave is going to become a beacon for every Satanist and acid-head in England? There's gonna be white witches dancing around that on a full moon. There's gonna be chicken's blood everywhere!
Grandad: What worries me is that it's on the main flight path to Heathrow.
Del: I wish you two could see yourselves. Here's mum and her monument, the third coat's hardly dry, and you're already quivering in your shoes. Well, I'll tell you this much. I don't regret that I did it. And I will not bow my head to any snotty-nosed town hall clerks and their narrow-minded rules. I shall look them straight in the face, and say that I am the man who's responsible, and that I'm proud of it!
[takes another look at the grave, then has second thoughts]
Del: We'll put it down to vandals. Let's get out of here before we get our collars felt.

Uncle: Your name Rodney, son?
Rodney: Well, it is when Trigger's not about!

Sid: This group do a tribute to Robson and Jerome.
Rodney: Why?

Rodney: People round here don't pay £60 for a painting, in fact people round here don't pay £60 for a car.

Rodney: [Del has had a hang-gliding accident and is in a wheelchair surrounded by sympathetic well-wishers] Oh, listen to me for one minute, will you? Hospitals do not send home paralysed people by bus!
Del: [lunging to his feet and seizing Rodney around the neck] You listen to me, you little git! I may never walk again! I may...
[realises]
Del: Though I must admit I'm getting some feeling back.

Grandad: [Rodney wants to buy a house] What you got, Rodney? A Wendy House?

Del: I got a nosebleed coming, Rodney!

Michelle: What do you prefer? Astroturf or grass?
Rodney: Don't know. I've never smoked astroturf.

Derek: [when Rodney asks if he's anything like his biological father, Freddie the Frog] Freddie the Frog was a professional burglar. He was disloyal to his friends. He was a womaniser, a home-breaker, a con-man, a thief, a liar, and a cheat... So no Rodney, you're nothing like him.

Inspector: [On the phone] Well I'll get back you as soon as I've got some information sir... . Ok sir... Thank you very much sir... Thank you once again sir... Ok sir... Bye for now sir. Bye.
[Hangs up]
Inspector: Do you know who that was?
Del: The wife?

Rodney: How much are you charging for this tour, then?
Derek: Seventeen quid each.
Rodney: Seventeen pounds for a walkabout in Croydon?
Derek: Well, that includes lunch, doesn't it! Traditional British fare. Doner kebab, something like that.
Rodney: A doner kebab? For seventeen nicker I'd want Donna Summers
[sic]
Derek: You would, wouldn't you! You tight wad!

Grandad: Did you play cards again last night?
Del: What? Yes! You know me Grandad! He who dares, wins.
Grandad: How'd you get on?
Del: I lost.

Grandad: [Rodney is furious after finding out the paint used on a decorating job was hooky] Tunnels?
Del: What?
Rodney: No, he said that.
Grandad: Trigger said this was for painting signs used in tunnels. Well, how can you see a sign in a tunnel? It's dark, innit?
Trigger: No, it's alright, this is luminous paint.
Del: Exactly, Grandad, it's luminous paint and that means you can see in the - LUMINOUS?

Grandad: I've had a lot of sobering thoughts in my time, Del Boy. It were them that started me drinking,

Vimmal: Where's your watch, Derek?
Del: Watch? Oh, it's at the menders. I broke it last night playing, uh, you know... volleyball
[imitates swinging a racquet with his left hand]
Vimmal: I thought you were right handed?
Del: Me? No, no, no, no, I'm ambiguous.

[about making a film called "There's a Rhino loose in the city"]
Del: It's a love story and a who done it!
Rodney: Everyone knows who done it! There's 30 dead people with Rhino tramps all over them, there's a lock up with 2 foot pile of Rhino dung and Charlton Heston suspects the butler!

Rodney: I've been thinking.
Del: Oh, leave it out Rodney, we're in enough trouble as it is.

Rodney: [sees Don, thinking he's Del] You git!
[approaches Don menacingly]
Rodney: You rotten, lying, conniving git!

Del: You dozy little twonk, Rodney.

Grandad: Why's he keeping Del-Boy in there?
Rodney: That is about the 38th time you've asked me that in the last half hour. And for the 38th time Grandad, I'm telling you I don't know.
Grandad: Well I thought he'd just charge Del with recieving, he'd get a 50 pound fine and then it'll all be forgot about.
Rodney: Yeah that's I thought.
Grandad: So did I. So why's he keeping him in there?
Rodney: Oh bless my heart. I don't bloody know Grandad.
Grandad: Oh Rodney.

Del: [about to catch a falling chandelier] Now, brace yourself, Rodney, brace yourself.

Rodney: Come on, Del, let's have it. Just how do you see our respective roles in this partnership?
Del: I see it as a combination of my business acumen and salesmanship, and your ability to drive a three-wheeled van. Badly. Or did you see yourself in a different position?
Rodney: Well, yes I did, actually! With my qualifications and experience, I saw myself more in the role of a financial advisor!
Del: Financial advisor? Listen to this, Grandad. This morning, I had just clinched a deal to buy twenty five briefcases for £175, when my 'financial advisor' leapt in and advised me to pay £200 for 'em! And having done that, he then advised me to chuck the bleedin' lot in the river! I mean, with financial advisors like that, who needs a bleedin' recession?

Del: He who dares Rodney, he who dares.

Del: [after getting off a plane in Spain for winning a contest that is not all that legit] Well, before we get checked in I have gotta tell you something Rodney. This contest isn't quite as pucker as I made it out to be.
Cassandra: Well he did win didn't he?
Rodney: [looking at the other winners] That's strange that is.
Del: What is?
Rodney: Well I noticed it on the plane but it didn't quite register. Their all Mum's and Dad's. They have brought their kids with them.
Del: It's not the parents who are the winners Rodder's... it's the kids. You see Rodney's painting won... in the under 15 years old category.
Cassandra: So they think Rodney's 15?
Del: Nah! No, No, No. They think your 14!

Del: [after checking out his reflection] S'il vous plait.

Uncle: During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany - I was sailing on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic. Now in those days a ship's crew was full of stress and fear.
Del: Especially when they saw you walking up the gangplank!
Uncle: So our old skipper, Captain Kenworthy, used to allay all those fears by creating a counter-worry. Like one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship.
Del: I bet that cheered you all up, didn't it?
Uncle: It took their minds off the U-boats and sharks.
Del: Well, thanks for that, Unc. It's lucky your Captain Kenworthy never became a Samaritan. You wouldn't be able to get a tug under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies!

Derek: [Opening the briefcase with all the gold chains] Jeez.
Rodney: What'd you do? Mug Mr T?

Uncle: It can't be that bad, Del. There must be something you can knock out.
Derek: Yeah, I know what I would like to knock out.
Uncle: What's in the van?
Derek: Nothing.
Uncle: What's in the garage?
Rodney: The van.

Del: Oy, grandad! Want a jemmy?
Grandad: No, had one before we went out!

Raquel: [looking at the photograph of the 1960 Jolly Boys' Outing with Freddie the Frog in it] Who is he?
Derek: His name was Freddie Robdal. He was a mate of my dad's. My mum was having a rough time with the old man. He was very handy, if you know what I mean, with women. Not much cop when it came to men, but a hard nut with women and kids. One day, my dad brought Freddie home, and him and my mum got on like a house on fire. They had the same taste in music and... well, everything.
Cassandra: And what was he, this Freddie Robdal?
Rodney: He was a gentleman safe-cracker. They called him "The Raffles of Peckham". People have mentioned him before and we sounded similar. He was a connoisseur of fine wines, a gourmet, a real snappy dresser, and big-time charmer.
Cassandra: So, how are you similar?
Rodney: We're about the same height.

Derek: I remember what Mum said on her death bed. She said to me: "Del," she said, "please give little Rodney all the encouragement that you can. Never, Del, never hold him back."
Rodney: She didn't half say a lot on her death bed, didn't she?
Derek: What?
Rodney: Whatever the subject is, Mum had something to say about it on her death bed. She must have spent her final few hours in this mortal realm doing nothing but rabbiting!
Derek: You are walking a bleeding tightrope here, Rodney!
Rodney: No, hang on! Right, you remember last week we were having a row about whose turn it was to go down the chippy, yeah? And you claimed that Mum said on her death bed: "Send Rodney for the fish!"
Derek: Yeah well, I'd had a few, hadn't I?

Trigger: Problems, Dave?
Rodney: I don't want to talk about it Trig. You ever been wrongly accused of something?
Trigger: Yeah once.
Rodney: Yeah, How did you get out of it?
Trigger: Well I didn't - I was guilty.

Del: The French have a word for people like me.
Rodney: Yeah, the English have got a couple of good 'uns an' all!

Uncle: The Paki shop won't let us have nothing on tick! Says it's part of his culture!
Rodney: Don't think it's got anything to do with the 46 quid we already owe 'em do you?

Rodney: Trigger what are you doing here?
Trigger: Well Dave, Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.
Rodney: Oh I suppose that's... Hold on, you live closer to the pub then we do?
Trigger: Yeah I know, but Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.
Rodney: But Trigger, you've had walk past the pub to get to our flat!
Trigger: I know, but Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.

[Del has entered a clay pigeon shoot with a pump-action shotgun]
Rodney: Oi, where did you get that gun?
Derek: Iggy Iggins.
Rodney: Iggy Iggins? Iggy Iggins robs banks.
Derek: Yeah but it's a Saturday.

Inspector: Remember Del? All us lads down the river playing pirates! Boycie was the first mate, Trigger was Long John Silver... What Part did I play Del?
Del: You played the bloke what walked the plank!
Inspector: Ye that's right... I was always the bloke that walked the plank! I was in and out of that water more times than a ducks head! I always wanted to be BlueBeard!
Del: Well you should have asked!
Inspector: I did lots of times but you'd never let me!
Del: I did once
Inspector: Oh ye I remember that was the day that BlueBeard had to walk the plank wasn't it!

Trigger: What you up to Dave?
Rodney: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Trigger: No words to this song Dave?
Rodney: No Trigger, it's an instrumental.
Del: All right Trigger? What you doing?
Trigger: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Del: Okay.
Trigger: It's the karaoke version.

Rodney: I am depressed about the state of my life at the moment. I've got a horrible feeling that there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me.

Uncle: It doesn't usually take us this long to finish.
Del: Yes, but that is because we are not golloping down a Big Mac and chips. We're taking our time. We're savouring the food and ambience. People in there are conversing between each mouthful. It's sophisticated... No matter, I'll whack this in the microwave... Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This isn't coffee. Smell it, it's bloody gravy.
Uncle: Yeah, that's gravy. Well it's them jars. How am I supposed to tell the difference?
Del: I tell you how you tell the difference. This one has on the label, Maxwell House Coffee. On this it says OXO Gravy Granules. It's a bit of a give away.
Uncle: Well I was in a hurry and must have got mixed up.
Del: I'll mix you up in a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you made gravy in the coffee pot. What are they pouring over their dinners in there?

Derek: [Del is auto trading the Cortina for the Aussie] 'Ere, did you know that the East African gazelle became an endangered species for this model? No, it's an enthusiast's model this one and I can tell that you are genuinely, an enthusiast.
Aussie: Don't give me that crap, mate. I can make up my own mind. And I don't need any help from no cockney villain.
Derek: Cockney villan? Cockney villan? Now there's no need to be like that, sir. After all the British and the Australians are cousins from across the sea innit they? If your grandad hadn't been a bloody villan, you could've been one of us.

Sandra: Now, what do you think my commanding officer would do if he found me in possession of stolen property?
Rodney: Put you in charge of the Christmas Club more like.

Cassandra: Why do they do that?
Raquel: It's like I've told you, Cassandra. Women are from Venus, men are from Peckham!

Del: Didn't granddad tell you that I telephoned?
Rodney: Oh yeah he told me. "Del-Boy's been captured by the Indians" he said. I didn't know whether to phone the police or the Texas Rangers.

Derek: A shot of tequila, a shot of coconut rum and one of creme de menthe. A smidgeon of Campari with the merest suggestion of Angostura bitters, top that up with fresh grapefruit juice then shake it. DO NOT STIR. Pour that slowly over broken ice Garnish with a slice or orange slice of lime, your occasional seasonal fruits, top that off with a decorative plastic umbrella, two translucent straws and voila!

Derek: [at the airport, Virgin Atlantic a man is in Del Boy's way] Hey, 'scuse me, what's your game, pal, eh? Blimey. Anyone would think he owns the plane.
[the man turns around and it's Richard Branson]

Raquel: The only time my clothes look fashionable is when I'm watching UK Gold!

Sandra: I'll give you 24 hours' breathing space time to, shall we say, spring-clean your flat, and after that I'm coming round with the CID. That's 24 hours, Rodney.
Rodney: Reminds me of that Gene Pitney song, you know? "24 Hours from Dartmoor".

Rodney: You mean you were gun running in the middle of a civil war?
Grandad: Well, that's the best time to do it, Rodney. Supply and demand.

Rodney: Del, Del, why they call him Trigger? Does he carry a gun?
Del: No, it's cos he looks like a horse.

Del: [During a heated exchange about living conditions] You had a Persian rug with more food on it than a menu!

Lady: [addressing Rodney] So, what's your name?
Rodney: It's Rodney
Trigger: [shouts from a distance] Watcha Dave!
Rodney: It is Rodney, he's just a bit thick.

Derek: Boycie did a little bit of a stretch when he was younger you know.
Rodney: Oh yeah! What for?
Boycie: Perjury, embezzlement, conspiring to pervert the course of justice, the fraudulent conversion of travellers cheques and attempting to bribe the Mayor of Lambeth! See, it's any little thing with these adoption people!
Marlene: Leave it out Boycie, with your record I'm surprised we're allowed to keep a dog!

Uncle: Elsie, Boycie & his wife can't have kids.
Del: You know they've been trying for years but nitto.
Rodney: They've had tests, things frozen, everything.
Mike: Doctors there have just about given up on him.
Trigger: He's low on something.
Boycie: Do you mind not discussing my private life with strangers?

Grandad: War is 'ell.
[Del and Rodney stare at Grandad]
Derek: What?
Grandad: War is 'ell. Alan Ladd said that.
Derek: Did he really? Go to sleep.
Grandad: ...Or was it Audie Murphy?
Derek: I dunno! I'm tired.

Lennox: [explaining his soubriquet, The Shadow, by paraphrasing lines from 'The Scarlet Pimpernel'] They seek him here, they seek him there/ those policemen seek him everywhere/ is he in heaven or is he in hell/ that dammed elusive... sh-a-a-a-a-dow.

Rodney: [talking about how to get a date with a beautiful woman] Just be yourself.
Del: Oh, leave it out, Rodney; I wanna be in with at least half a chance!

Derek: Now this is a 'Jaws' type story.
Rodney: But Jaws has been done already, Del.
Derek: I know, this is different. It's called, 'There Is A Rhino Loose In The City!'
Rodney: There Is A...? Loose in...? as in a rhinoceros?
Derek: That's right. 'There Is A Rhino Loose in The City!'
Uncle: What's it about, Del?

Raquel: Eat your breakfast, Del.
Del: [looking at the plate] I thought the doctor said all this fried stuff was bad for my veins?
Raquel: Eat your breakfast, Del!

Del: [after Uncle Albert's suggested Rodney put himself up as a hooker] Rodney can't even *give* it away, let alone flog it!

Del: [to a man before boarding a plane by Virgin Atlantic] Hey 'scuse me, what's your game, pal, eh? Blimey. Anyone would think he owns the plane
[the man turns around and it's Richard Branson]
Del: .

Rodney: Del, we'll probably have some problems getting these back to our depot.
Mickey: Yeah, we came down on the Green Line, you see.
Derek: Oh, well, in that case your best bet's to hire an open-backed truck, ain't it?
Rodney: Oh, yeah. Yeah. But we were wondering whether you could take a few in the back of the van.
Derek: The back of *my* van? You must be joking. I've only just cleared them out of the back of my van!
Rodney: You mean you were selling them in the first place?
Derek: Yeah! That is the load of rubbish that Alfie Flowers sold me. Normally I'd never have bought it, but he caught me when I was a bit non compos-mentis down the 1-11 Club. I never thought I'd get shot of them, but you know me, Rodders. He who dares, wins! I actually made a tidy little profit on it and all.
Rodney: So what are we supposed to do with them?
Derek: Well, why don't you do what I did? Find yourselves a couple of right little plonkers with cash on the hip!

Uncle: Now. Where's my bottle of wine?
Del: Blimey. Captain Birds Eye's here in all.

Del: There is nothing wrong with me. I just got normal pains.
Uncle: When you came in tonight you flopped straight down that chair in agony.
Del: You don't understand unc' that is PMA.
Rodney: I thought only woman got that!
Del: No Rodney that is PMP.
Del: PMA is Positive Mental Attitude.
Del: It's the new buzz word, what all us yuppies get.

[after realizing Delboy was going a little bit TOO far out on the ocean on a Jet-Ski]
Rodney: He's going a long way out!
Rico: Yeah! But he's enjoying himself!
Rodney: Yeah I know that but Del can't even swim.
Salavatorie: BUT I THOUGHT HE SAID HE HAD A CERTIFICATE FOR SWIMMING!
Rodney: Well he does... but it ain't his!

Rodney: I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Uncle: Well, as long as yer 'appy, son.

Derek: [seeing Barry Gibb outside his house in Miami] All right, Bazza!
Barry: Oh God! There's always one.

Grandad: [to Rodney] This is a cheese burger. I asked for an emperor burger!

Rodney: We didn't even know the fancy dress party had been cancelled!
Trigger: Me neither.
Rodney: You mean... that's your costume?
Trigger: Yeah. I've come as a chauffeur. I feel a bit stupid now.

Grandad: Who's Brenda & Terry?
Derek: Eh?
Grandad: Who's Brenda & Terry?
Derek: Who's Brenda & Terry?
Grandad: Yeah.
Derek: Who's Brenda & Terry Rodney?
Rodney: Well I don't know.
Derek: What are you going on about you old div?
Grandad: Well we got a Christmas card from them. It said "Love from Brenda & Terry & the kids, Shirley, Shane & Shaun"
Rodney: Yeah, yeah that was from Brenda & Terry?
Grandad: I know. Who is Brenda & Terry?
Derek: Shirley, Shane & Shaun's mum & dad innit?
Grandad: Oh. Did we send them one back?
Rodney: Well how can we send them one back? We don't know who they are, let alone where they live.

Del: So what are you telling me then? The psycho's upstairs having a kip?
Grandad: Well he could be up there Del...
Del: Well I shouldn't let it worry you, Grandad, cos the three bears have probably eaten him by now!

Del: Now, as the Bible says, 'Clothes maketh the man'.

Rodney: This is all a bit sick, isn't it, bruv? You might fool these three, but not me.
Derek: What are you on about, Rodney?
Rodney: Oh, come off it, Del. Two Pina Coladas, then you'll put on your Eric Clapton LP and be up and jiving, won't you?
Derek: I don't believe this! I don't believe what he's doing to me! He's torn my world in half and now he's having a pop at me!
Uncle: You're right out of order, son.
Rodney: Oh, listen to me. Hospitals do not send home paralysed people by bus. What it is you're after, Del? Sympathy from Lisa? Or a disabled sticker for the van?
Derek: [jumps out of his wheelchair and grabs Rodney by the lapels] Now, you listen to me you vicious little git! I may never walk again for the rest of my...
[realizes that he's standing up]
Derek: Though I must admit, I'm getting some feeling back.
Uncle: You should never tell them sort of lies, Del!
Derek: Well, don't blame me! It was him, I just wanted to get my own back on this plonker.
Trigger: Yeah, but when you fancied a smoke on the bus, you made me carry you up to the top deck!

Derek: [the debut of Del's famous catchphrase] This time next year we'll be millionaires!

Uncle: You call that music, sounds more like noise to me. That's all you youngsters are interested in nowadays.
Rodney: Didn't your generation ever enjoy itself Albert?
Uncle: When I was your age I was fighting in the war.
Rodney: Well then you must have made more bloody noise than me then!

Pauline: You never married yourself, Del?
Derek: No no no, I never fancied myself.

Rodney: [referring to a pile of broken lawnmower engines] Oi, Del... me and Mickey might have a problem getting these back to our depot. We come down on the Green Line, see?
Del: Right, well, your best bet would be to hire an open-backed truck.
Rodney: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what we thought, but... we were wondering if you could take a couple in the back of the van.
Del: Back of my van? You must be joking. I've only just cleared 'em out of the van!
Rodney: You mean you were selling 'em in the first place?
Del: Yeah. That is the rubbish that Alfie Flowers sold me last week. Normally I'd never have bought it but, you know, he caught me when I was a bit non compost mentis down the one-eleven club. I never thought I'd get shot of 'em, Rodney, but you know me; he who dares wins. I actually made quite a tidy little profit on it and all.
Rodney: And what are we supposed to do with them?
Del: Well, why don't you do what I did? Find yourselves a couple of right little plonkers with cash on the hip.

Del: Trotters Independent Traders has ceased trading. Bonjour!

Grandad: [Rodney says he and Mickey Pearce are starting small in the self-catering trade] What you got, Rodney? A Wendy House?

Rodney: For the past 2 weeks or so, I've been taking stock on my life. Who I am? What I am? And where I'm going?
Derek: And that's taken you a fortnight? I could've answered all them questions for you. Could've answered them all during the commercial break.
Rodney: Will you shut up for one minute. I am 24 years old. I have two GCE's, 13 years of schooling and 3 terms at an adult education centre behind me right? And with all that, what have I become? I'm a lookout.
Derek: No Rodney you're wrong, you're not just a lookout. YOU'RE A BAD LOOKOUT!
Rodney: Alright. Alright so I'm not very good at it. Perhaps that's cause my heart's not really in it.
Derek: I'm not asking you to put your heart into it, just your eyes'll do.

Del: [talking about the gold stolen by "Freddy the Frog"] And what would they have done with it, eh? They either push it through a fence, in which case it becomes public knowledge, or they smelt it down. Now, that amount of gold coming onto the market causes ripples, the sort of ripples that would be remembered for a long time.
Uncle: What if the police found it?
Del: I'm talking about the police!

[after opening a box of "Life-size Inflatable Dolls" they purchased by accident]
Del: Bloody Hell! What have WE got ourselves into here?
Rodney: Well this is your fault! You just go rushing into things and to Hell with the consequences!
Del: That's because I've got a High Profile!
Rodney: Yeah! High profile and low forehead!

Derek: Just before Mum fell for you she met this, like, new friend. He was the trumpet player from the Locarno.
Grandad: And a saxophone player.
Derek: Yes, alright Grandad, alright.
Rodney: Are you trying to tell me that my dad... was a band?
Derek: No Rodney, no, just the brass section.
Rodney: No, I don't believe you. No, the way you've always described Mum she'd never do anything like that.
Derek: No, she wouldn't normally. This must've been, like, a one-off.
Rodney: Great. Well I can't wait to fill in my next passport application form. Mother's name - Joan Mavis Trotter. Father's name - Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.

Rodney: Oi, Del, why'd they call him Trigger? Does he carry a gun or something?
Del: Na, it's coz he looks like an horse.

Boycie: We're having a nice holiday. The Trotters turn up and within fifteen seconds some sod's shooting at us.

Derek: Well Boycie, I hope you won't take offence and what I'm about to say, but me and Rodney think you've murdered Marlene and buried her in the garden.
Boycie: How dare you! Murdered my wife and buried her in the garden? I have never been so insulted in my life. You know how much I've spent on that garden! You think I'm going to dig a hole in it?

Cassandra: [On the phone to Del] If you must know, Rodney and I are trying for a baby.
Derek: Well... I'll get off the phone, then.
Cassandra: No, not right now!

Raquel: Public enemy number one? But he only left Tuesday!

Rodney: [Rodney is having to pretend he's 14 on a package holiday] Thanks to your general wally-ness, I am now a twenty six year old man who has just come second in a skateboard race!
Del: Second? You were in the lead when I saw you.
Rodney: I fell off!

Del: You know what happened to the real Trigger, don't you? Roy Rogers had him stuffed.

Uncle: Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?
Rodney: No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!

Boycie: [referring to the revelation that Anna's baby is a girl, not a boy] It's amazing, innit? Everything you buy off him got's something missing.

Rodney: [after getting his old job back at Trotters Independent Traders] What will be my title?
Del: We'll call you Lord Rodney!
Rodney: I meant company title!

Del: Are you saying I'm stupid?
Rodney: Either that or it's the Chinese year of the dodo.

Del: Oh, leave it out Rodney, you couldn't flog a black cat to a witch!

Rodney: Do you know what a psycho is?
Grandad: Course I do. It's a geezer what dresses up in his mother's clothes. When I submitted this quote I quite clearly identified it as being said by the Chief of security NOT Rodney Trotter. Yet again you have failed to read the submission correctly.

Del: A lot of people told me I was a right dipstick to make my brother partner in the business, but this only goes to prove how bloody right they were.

Trigger: When we was at school Del was the best at Chemistry. He used to sell home-made fireworks. He even blew up the science lab once.
Denzil: Yes I remember. I was doing detention in there at the time.

Del: [talking about one of Del's mates] That bloke's come on a bundle in the last few years. That man is at the front of new technological frontiers. He's got a Queen's Award for industry plaque and all.
Rodney: I know. I was there when you sold it to him.

Rodney: Er... well... I'm a good salesman.
Del: Do me a favor, Rodney! You couldn't flog a black cat to a witch!

[Rodney shows Cassandra the picture of the 1960 Jolly Boys Outing]
Cassandra: There's you.
[realisation hits her]
Rodney: Yeah, there's me. July 1960. Before I was born.
Cassandra: Who is it?
Rodney: He's my father.
Cassandra: But your father...
Rodney: My REAL father, Cass. My biological old man.

[last lines]
Del: This time next year we could be billionaires!

Raquel: [while in labor] Don't you ever come near me again, Trotter!

Boycie: I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch.

Del: I see ICI dropped a point.
Rodney: Yeah. Chelsea dropped three on Saturday

Uncle: I can't swim Del.
Derek: You used to be a sailor.
Uncle: Doesn't mean a thing. Nelson couldn't swim.
Derek: Of course he couldn't, he only had one bloody arm. He'd have been going around in circles, wouldn't he.

Derek: Running away from home at your age?
Uncle: Lot of things been going through my mind lately, Del. I didn't know if I was coming or going. I feel I let the family down... I let you two down.
Derek: No, don't be so bloody daft.
Rodney: You didn't let anybody down.
Uncle: I needed to be alone for a while.
Rodney: But where were you gonna go?
Uncle: I hadn't given it much thought, Rodney. I didn't realise things had changed so much, I... when I first left home, I was about 15, I just come down here and got a job on a tram steamer. Life seemed easier then.
Derek: Well, things ain't all that much different now, Albert. You can always come home. To your family.
Uncle: Thanks son.
Rodney: Come on then, let's go.
Uncle: You know... once upon a time ships from all over the world used to sail in here. The water used to be covered with a film of oil and when the sun shone on it, it sparkled, all different colours. When I was a kid, I used to think rainbows lived in the water.
Derek: So you was a bit of a divvy in them days an' all were you?
Rodney: Oi.
Derek: Alright, alright, I'm sorry.
Uncle: There were tugs nudging freighters into position. Cranes lifting out timber from Canada, bananas from Jamaica. The pubs and the cafes, they were filled with sailors from a hundred countries. By the time I was seven, I could swear in ten different languages. There were streets all around here, loads of two up and two down houses. "Dockers mansions" they called them. Yeah, ragamuffins kicking footballs up against the wall, women used to come out and chase us away with their brooms. Ha ha. They were rough people... but they was good people. During the Blitz some of the men painted a sign on the roof of a warehouse so that the Luftwaffe pilots could see it. It said "Dear Adolf, you can break our windows but not our hearts". Look at what they done to it now.

Del: Anyway, how come you're in charge?
Dr. Robbie Meadows: It was an accident really. I just happened to be talking to some colleagues when the name "Derek Trotter" cropped up. So I asked if I could read your GP's report and have a look at your tests. I was amazed. I found myself reading about this non-smoking, tee total, celibate, vegetarian health freak. I thought "Can this be the same Derek Trotter that I know and begrudgingly admire? That uptight, wheeling, dealing Pina Colada lout? The Castella King? The curry connoisseur? The same man who's lived his life on nervous tension, fried bread and doubtful women?"
Del: And was it?
Dr. Robbie Meadows: Yeah!

Rodney: Where's my pork scratchings?

Del: No chance of that happening with Rodney, is there? World War Three! This plonker can't even get Channel three!

Derek: What about that. Ain't that a shame, eh, Rodney? You know, she had two husbands die on her.
Rodney: Yeah. One more, she keeps the match ball.

Del: How manuly cigars a day did that doctor say I could have?
Uncle: She said three.
Del: [Reaching for a cigar] How many have I had?
Uncle: Four.

Rodney: You're gonna sell 'em models of a Roman statue, now housed in the Louvre gallery in Paris, for souvenirs of old London? It's the Venus De Milo, Del!
Derek: No, that is Boudicea, that is, innit? Eh?
Rodney: Boudicea rode around in a chariot with big swords sticking out the wheels.
Derek: All right, so she fell off her chariot!

Grandad: [talking to the Police] Rodney's got a police record!
Del: [quickly] Yes, er... it's "Walking on the Moon".

Del: There's no point in running away. Running away only wears out your shoes.

Derek: [about Granddad] His brain went years ago. Now his legs have gone. There's only the middle bit of him left.

[repeated line]
Del: Lovely jubbly!

Rodney: You'd never reach a getaway car.
Lennox: Getaway car? I knew there was something.

Derek: [Del grabs the gun off Lennox's hand and shows it to Clarke] Just a minute, give me that here, look. Where did you get this?
Tom: Out of our toy department.
Derek: Yeah, I wondered how long Taiwan had been making Lugers.
Mr. Peterson: So what happens now? Are you going to the police?
Derek: No. I'm gonna phone them instead.
Lennox: [Lennox, Clarke and Peterson panic] Del!
Derek: Now, now, now, alright, alright, alright, don't panic, don't panic, I'm just winding you up. You are a wally, Lennox!
Lennox: Sorry, Del.
Derek: What is your mum gonna say? Eh? Now look here, there's no real harm done right, no one has been hurt and nothing has been nicked.

Rodney: So, how'd you get on?
Cassandra: The hotel was horrible, the weather was lousy, the food was rotten & the people were boring.
Rodney: Oh good.

James: Are you a Naval man, Derrick?
Del: No, James. I'm more of a leg man myself.

Rodney: Well I'm going to say I'm on hunger strike. Some kind of humanitarian grounds.
Derek: Oh leave it out will you, leave it out. I remember the last time that you went on hunger strike, over a protest about the American cruise missiles being based in Britain. You said that you were going to starve yourself until all the missiles were removed.
Rodney: So?
Derek: So? So that was 8 months ago. The missiles are still here. What is more to the point Rodney so are you. You went one & a half days on hunger strike & you sent out for a curry.
Rodney: Well I was starving.
Derek: Well that's the idea of it you plonker.

Derek: [to Rodney after he's turned down Jumbo's offer of a partnership in Australia because family ties are too strong] If I'd taken that chance of a lifetime, it could've ruined me.

Rodney: [they've just bought boxes of dolls and Rodney is reading the item description] Del, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Sindy. These dolls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.
Del: You can't get dolls with names like that.
Rodney: You can if you go to the right shops, Del!

Grandad: [Rodney offers Grandad a bottle of lager] I don't want nothing to drink. Going back to the hotel and have a fiesta.

Rodney: In thirty five seconds, you two have married me, buried me, and given my widow skin trouble.

Rodney: [Del takes the wig off of Jumbo Mills head] How long you been bald then?
Jumbo: I'm not bald.
Uncle: No? Well that's one helluva parting you got there then!

Del: [to the newborn Damien] You're gonna have such fun. You are. And when you get the hump, cos you're bound to get the hump sometimes, I'll muck about and make you laugh. Cos' I've mucked about all my life, and I never knew the reason why until now.

Rodney: If there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me.

Grandad: Your dad always said that one day Del Boy would reach the top. Then again, he always said Millwall would win the cup.

Mental: We like looking like this. We're Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.
Rodney: Yeah!
Derek: Why do you want to be superstars then?
Mental: Because we want to be rich Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.

Rodney: I could do with another blanket here, I'm freezing.
Del: Yeah it is a bit cold.
Uncle: Cold? You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze.

Rodney: Cos-mic.

Derek: As I was walking through Earl's Court, into a pub I was lured. Where a nosey Pom said, "Where you from?", as I downed the amber fluid. I said "Get it straight, I'm an Aussie mate, and I'm fixing to get plastered. But the beer is crook, and the birds all look, like you, you Pommy..." Grandad.
[hands money to Grandad]

Boycie: Where d'you get those aces from?
Del: Same place you got those kings. I always knew you were cheating, Boycie.
Boycie: Yeah, how?
Del: 'Cause that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.

Del: You dirty, stinking...
Inspector: Careful, Del. I don't want have to add offensive language to your ever-growing list of offences.

Rodney: Del... look, don't get me wrong. I'm... I'm grateful.
Del: I don't want your gratitude. Ungrateful little git!

Denzil: Corinne and I have just got back together again and I've had to promise her that I'd stop seeing you, stop getting drunk, stop gambling and get a steady job.
Del: Is it my fault you married a wrong 'un? No reason to give me a volley.

Rodney: We didn't know the fancy dress had been cancelled.
Trigger: Me neither.
Rodney: You mean, that's your costume?
Trigger: Yeah. I came as a chauffeur. I feel a bit stupid now.
Rodney: Yeah, you do stand out.

Raquel: [while in labour] Don't you ever come near me again, Trotter!

Del: Oh, no, Raquel. You must never lose sight of your dream! When I was 18, I decided I was gonna be a millionaire by the time I was 21.
Raquel: Really?
Del: Yep... and when I was 21, I said I'd be a millionaire by the time I was 30... and when I was 30...
[referring to the biscuits]
Del: Fancy a Jammy-Dodger?

Rodney: Well Trigger could be considered an expert...
Mike: Trigger still don't know which end of the dart to throw!

Derek: Oi Janice, you mind his bruises, won't ya?
Janice: What bruises?
Derek: Bruises, he's covered in 'em. It's where the girls keep on pushing him away with ten foot barge poles.

Raquel: And you've known all these years?
Derek: No. At least, not when Rodney was a baby. When you get to 20, and your 6-year-old brother is taller than you, it makes you think. I never knew really who he was. As a youngster, I was told to call him "Uncle Fred". Then a few years back, Uncle Albert got drunk at an old folks' do... It was a wet corset contest. Anyway, he told me all about Freddie and my mum. I don't know if you noticed, but there are no photographs of my mum in this house, except for a couple of close-ups.
Raquel: I assumed your dad had taken them when he left.
Derek: No. He only used to take money and things that he could sell. Then Uncle Albert told me. It was my Aunt Reenie who sorted it all after Mum's funeral. You see every picture of Mum included Freddie Robdal, and Aunt Reenie knew that as Rodney got older, people would start to see the stimularities, so she burnt them.

Del: Don't worry, Rodney. This time next year, we'll be millionaires!
Rodney: This time last WEEK we were millionaires!

Derek: [after finding out that Tom Clarke supplied Lennox with the gun] Oh, dear. Would you Adam and Eve it, eh? Dixon of Kuala Lumpur is involved!
[Pointing at Tom Clarke]
Tom: Yeah, that's right, yeah. I want you to know I did it purely for the money.
Derek: I'll bet you did.
Tom: I retire in a couple of months time. You should've seen the crummy pension this firm was offering me. I was gonna get less than Duncan Goodhew's barber.

Rodney: [slightly annoyed] Hello?
Jonathan: Hello, is this Rodney Trotter?
Rodney: [slightly annoyed] Yes.
Jonathan: [cheerfully] Hello Rodney, this is Jonathan Ross at the Goldrush Studio...
Rodney: [irate and shouting] Oh piss off Mickey, you're begining to get on my tits!

Derek: We clearly stated on our leaflets that 9 o'clock was departure time. Here we are, 11.30; no sign of them.
Grandad: I've told you before. No one will turn up.
Derek: Yes they will! As soon as the word spreads about a bit, they'll be here in droves. No, the only thing that worries me is; is a 59 seater bus gonna be big enough? Perhaps we should have had two, maybe three?
Grandad: A tandem would be too big.

Boycie: What have you two come as?
Rodney: Batman and Robin.
Derek: Look, ignore him, Rodney. Just... just ignore him! Oh, dear. Where is everyone?
Boycie: Straight through there, Caped Crusader.
Derek: You ain't gonna win nothing dressed like that. D'ya see that, Rodders? We have come as Batman and Robin! Boycie's come as the Penguin!
Boycie: Oh no, Del Boy. Not the Penguin. More like the Joker.

Del: [to Barry Gibb] All right, Bazza!
Barry: Oh God. There's always one.

Del: [to the gravediggers filling in Grandad's grave] Oi! Gently!

Del: Now look Rodney, Raquel, Raquel is a lady and when a lady is ready to... well, when she's ready to, she will let me know.
Rodney: How?
Del: Well, she'll give me a sign or something.
Rodney: Like what?
Del: [thinks] I dunno.
Rodney: Maybe she'll put an announcement in the Sunday Sport.

Derek: Oh, it's alright, panic over Mike, Bamber's cracked it! She's German!

[In a wine bar, Del is leaning against a folding section at the end of the bar. He sees an attractive young woman looking at him]
Derek: [stands up as he talks to Trigger] Think we're on a winner here, Trig.
[a barman comes along and lifts up the section that Del was leaning against to get through but he doesn't put it back down again, leaving a gap. This happens behind Del's back and he doesn't notice at all]
Derek: Alright. Play it nice and cool, son. Nice and cool, you know what I mean...
[Del leans back and falls through the gap onto the floor]

Derek: [to Pauline] This is my brother, Rodney. You remember Rodney? Used to be a little scruff. Look at him now. He's a big scruff!

Grandad: [on seeing the broken chandelier] Is it very valuable, Del?
Del: No, not really. It was bleeding priceless when it was hanging up there, though!

Derek: By the way, how are we doing?
Rodney: [checking his watch] We died 45 seconds ago.

Chief: Do you know what a psycho is?
Grandad: Course I do. It's a geezer what dresses up in his mother's clothes.

Del: What're you doing?
Grandad: I'm trying to get the Dukes of Hazzard.
Del: The Dukes of... That is a microwave oven, you dozy old twonk! Gordon Bennett, you'll be putting frozen pizzas into the portable next!

Rodney: What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Derek: Nothing. Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey, she's even too old for me!
Grandad: Well I'D have to think twice!

Grandad: Well, I know you can't hear me, Arthur.
[Del picks up a traffic cone and speaks in a ghostly voice]
Derek: That is what you think, Trotter.

Derek: [Points at Uncle Albert] He fought and died for his country. Many times.

Derek: [as Del tells the ladies a tall tale about Rodney being a professional tennis player, and playing in a tournament in Miami] Well, we can't complain like, because he won it. He did. He, uh... he beat that Jimmy Connolly in the final.
Michelle: Jimmy Connolly? Don't you mean Jimmy Connors?
Derek: No, he knocked that diddlyo out in the first round. Nine sets to one.
[Ladies laugh]
Derek: Actually we're only in London to get Hot Rod here measured up for a new bat.
Nicki: It's a racquet.
Derek: Bloody is, the prices they charge, darlin'!

Grandad: He might be mad. He'd have to be bloody stupid to be out on the moors.

Derek: [to the check-out girl, who looks baffled] Did you get yer money back?... From the charm school.

Boycie: What's good for a broken nose?
Trigger: Baseball bat, knuckle duster?
Boycie: I mean my nose might be broken.
Derek: Will you stop going on about your hooter,
[holds up a cigar]
Derek: or I'll ram this up it for a splint.

Derek: That's the trouble with you Rodney, you don't move with the times. The world is changing out there, it's a financial jungle. It's a case of "He who dares, wins". He who hesitates... don't.

Rodney: No sign of Vimmal?
Del: No. Packed his bags and headed away on his toes, five minutes after we left. As MacBeth said to Hamlet in... Midsummer Night's Dream; we've been done up like a couple of kippers.

[first lines]
Grandad: [watching TV] That Sydney Potter's a good actor, ain't he, Rodney?

Del: [Rodney realises that Del is behind him] You little plonker!
Rodney: What are you doing 'ere?
Del: What Am I doing 'ere? What are you doing 'ere?
Rodney: Well this where Debbie lives, innit! I mean... oi... you're not to pull her?
Del: No Am I not! I'm a friend of 'ere mums, that's all.
Rodney: Yeah? When 'da meet 'er then?
Del: Lets see it was... 1964
Rodney: [puzzled] Wha'? You only just came 'round to see 'er?
Del: No! No, I was engaged to 'er, soppy!
Rodney: [suprised] Another one? Stone me Del, you've been engaged more times than a switchboard .
Del: You little...
[pointing to LP]
Del: 'Ere I dunno why you brought that over 'cause they ain't got a record player.
Rodney: That's alright,
[bends record cover]
Rodney: I ain't got a record.

Del: I mean, I don't ask much of you, do I? But even when I ask you to do the simplest things, you let me down!
Grandad: Oh, shut up!
Del: I mean, she won't wanna know me now, will she? Not after last night.
Grandad: I ain't bothered.
Del: I invited her here all the way from Canning Town for a nice, quiet, intimate candle-lit dinner, and all I asked you to do was put the box of wine in the fridge, and the tub of neopolitan ice-cream in the freezer. But no, you get that all arse about face, don't you? So, come nine o'clock, all I could offer her was a bowl of gunge and a beaujolais ice lolly!

Derek: [after Rodney gets kicked out of A Bunch of Wallies] You didn't honestly believe all that rubbish, did you? That you and them wallies were destined for the Albert Hall, Carnegie Hall! The only hall you were destined for was Sod All.

Derek: [to the gravediggers filling in Grandad's grave] Gently!

Derek: She's a blinding bird isn't she Rodney?
Rodney: What Raquel? Yeah, terrific Del.
Derek: She's got a radiant smile. Have you noticed that?
Rodney: What, her radiant smile? Yeah.
Derek: I mean, when she walks in she lights up a room.
Rodney: Yeah. Most of your birds walk in and light up a fag.

Derek: He might of hit his head, and got percussion.

Derek: This time next year we'll be millionaires.
Rodney: *Angrily*This time last week we were millionaires.

Del: And there's me. And you're gonna have all the things your daddy couldn't afford. 'cause I've been a bit of a dreamer, you know. Yeah, I have. You know I wanted to do things, be someone, but... I never had what it took. But you're different, you're gonna live my dreams for me and you're gonna do all the things I wanted to do and you're gonna come back and tell me about them. Tell me if they're as good as I thought they'd be. Oh, and you're gonna have such fun! You are! And when you get the hump, 'cause you're bound to get the hump sometimes, I'll muck about and make you laugh. 'cause I've mucked about all my life, and I never knew the reason why until now. This is what it's all about. I was born for this moment. Yes. Oh we're gonna have such fun, we are, you mark my words. This time next year we'll be millionaires.

Del: We got lost in the middle of the North Sea. Luckily we spotted the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry and we followed it.
Abdul: And that's how you got to Hull?
Del: No. that's how we got to Zeebrugge. It was going the wrong bloody way.

Marlene: The baby's alright, isn't he, Del?
Derek: Yes yes, Marlene, for the umpteenth time, you're going to have a beautiful bouncing baby.
Marlene: What's it weigh?
Derek: Dunno. He hasn't stopped bouncing yet
[laughs]

Rodney: [after buying defective briefcases] So how do you open these then?
Del: No sod knows, Rodney, that's why they're rejects!

Uncle: Do you mind if I stand up a bit and walk around?
Lennox: Why?
Uncle: Er, I've got a bit of cramp in my leg.
Lennox: Go on, then. No sudden movements though.
Derek: Sudden movements? Him?
[pointing to Albert]
Rodney: The closest he gets to a sudden movement is when he wipes the cobwebs off his head.