The Best Phil Quotes

Meg: Is Wonder Boy here for real?
Phil: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real.
[Phil gets a proper look at Meg]
Phil: Whoa! And by the way, sweet cheeks... I'm real, too!

Phil: Rule number 95, kid: concentrate.
[Hercules misses the target and pins Phil against the wall with his knives]
Phil: Rule number 96: aim!

[Hercules has been trying to kill the hydra, which now has umpteen heads]
Phil: Will you forget the head-slicing thing?

Phil: I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. Alotayusses! And every one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. And then, there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all: the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! BUT THAT FORSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once, and kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great, the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right... Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.