20 Best Hades Quotes

Meg: Wonder Boy's fielding every curve ball you throw at him.
Hades: [simpers] Oh, yeah. Well, maybe I haven't been throwing the right curves at him, Meg my sweet.
Meg: Don't even go there.
Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for Pandora, it was the box thing. And for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? All we have to do is find out Wonder Boy's weakness.
Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps...
Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man.
Meg: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.
Hades: Well, you know, that's good. Because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me, to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg?
Meg: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?
Hades: [hands her a Hercules urn] Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.
[Meg drops the urn]

Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Panic,30568: Oh, my Gods!
Pain: Run for it!
[Hades seizes them and chokes them]
Hades: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your exact words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules!
Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.
Pain: Remember like a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?
Hades: I'm about to rearrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel who can louse it up... is waltzing around IN THE WOODS!

Hades: Stirring performances, boys. I was really moved.
Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?
Pain: I was going for innocence.

Hades: It's a small underworld, after all, huh?

Zeus: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
[Everyone including Zeus starts to laugh]
Zeus: [sits on his throne] Oh, I kill myself!
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.

Hades: How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.
[a moment of silence occurs]
Hades: So this is an audience or a mosaic?

Hades: Zeusy, I'm home!
Zeus: Hades, you are behind THIS?
Hades: You are correct, sir!

Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?

The: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: YES! Hades rules!
The: But a word of caution to this tale...
Hades: Excuse me?
The: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[they laugh and disappear]
Hades: WHAAAT?... Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.

Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What do you say? Come on.

Hades: Hercules, stop! You can't do this to me, you can't...
[Hercules punches Hades in the face]
Hades: Fine, okay, well I deserved that.

Hades: If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, you say...?
Meg: [without much enthusiasm] Medium or well done?

Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic - eechk!
Pain,18810: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] WHAT? The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain,18810: [grovel] We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain,18810: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me, Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.

Hercules: You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once...
Hades: Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice...
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You get her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Megara]
Hades: Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?

[Pegasus blows the flames off Hades' head]
Hades: Whoa. Is my hair out?

Hades: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god?
Pain: [sounds assertive at first] I do not... know.
Panic: You can't... they're immortal?
Hades: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.

Hades: [after credits] What d'ya say? It's happy ending time! Everybody's got a little taste of somethin'm but me! I got nothin'! I'm, I'm here with nothin'! Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm... What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me! Nobody listens.

Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

Hades: I can't believe this guy! I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades: What... are... those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing...
Hades: [slowly burns up] I've got 24 hours to get rid of this... bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and YOU ARE WEARING HIS MERCHANDISE?
[Hades hears a noise, and sees Panic slurping some "Herculade"]
Panic: [chuckles nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades screams, and blows up a volcano]

Hades: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?