100 Best Quinn Fabray Quotes

Kurt: Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee Club terror. I've done a little library research.
[showing them an old yearbook photo]
Kurt: Peter Gellar. Glee Club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library.
Quinn: Patches?
Kurt: Patches.
Brittany S. Pierce: He barks at my mom.
Kurt: [showing them another yearbook photo] Exhibit B. Tawny Peterson. Glee Club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years, would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling.

Will: All right, guys, let's get down to business. First, let's welcome back Noah Puckerman. Puck, I hope your time in juvie has taught you a lesson or two about right and wrong.
Noah: Are you kidding me? I ruled that place. All I did was crack skulls and lift weights all day.
Quinn: [sarcastic] Wow, what a catch. Can't believe I ever let you go.

Artie: It's so weird.
Finn: This so isn't you.
Tina: I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.
Will: Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Santana: Biker chick?
Finn: Cowgirl?
Mercedes: Hood rat.
Quinn: Computer programmer.
Brittany S. Pierce: Cross-country skier.
Noah: Catholic schoolgirl.
Brittany S. Pierce: Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.

Quinn: They say that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well, Rachel Berry... You just got yourself a new best friend.

Rachel: I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose.
Quinn: I'm not mad at you. All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do. Tell the truth.
Rachel: I was selfish when I told him. I wanted to break you two up so he would want to be with me.
Quinn: And now neither of us have him.
[after a moment of silence]
Quinn: I have hurt so many people. Can you go now? I just really want to be alone.

Will: Hey, guys. I'm sorry to interrupt your little sorority, but I couldn't help overhearing. Are you really having that much boy trouble?
Quinn: You wouldn't understand, Mr. Schue. You're a guy.
Will: Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it. Like Ms. Pillsbury.
Rachel: I tried that.
[cut to Emma's office]
Emma: [flustered] Oh, um, that's a hot-button topic, isn't it? I mean, when to do that. This is the perfect chat to have with your mom.
Rachel: I have two gay dads.
Emma: Right. Right. You, um... how about your rabbi?
Rachel: I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with Rabbi Greenberg. Aren't you a guidance counselor?
Emma: [lost for words] Uh...
[back to the choir room]
Quinn: [as the dismissal bell rings] The fact is that women still earn seventy cents to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job. That attitude starts in high school.

Quinn: Did you love me?
Noah: Yes. Especially now.
Shelby: [approaching] Which one is yours?
Quinn: What are you doing here?
Shelby: I see her now. She looks like you. Does she have a name?
Quinn: No.
Noah: Beth.
Shelby: Pretty. I like that name.

Mercedes: I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here.
Quinn: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?

Quinn: I could have easily become one of those creepy memorial pages in the yearbook, but by the grace of God, I'm here. Believe it or not, this is the happiest day of my life.

Finn: Okay, Rachel, since this is your first time at this, I'm gonna break it down for you. Guys and girls fall into certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit A: Santana, the weepy, hysterical drunk.
Santana: [Weeping at Sam] You like her more than me. She's blonde and awesome and so smart. Admit, just admit it! No, kiss me!
Finn: Lauren Zizes and Quinn, the angry girl drunks.
Quinn: [Yelling at Puck] I can't believe what you did to my body! I use to have abs!
Lauren: Who told you that hairstyle is cool? Geronimo?
Finn: Brittany, also known as the girl who turns into a stripper drunk. Mercedes and Tina, happy girl drunks and then we come around full circle right back to you, Rachel. And right now, you're being the needy girl drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey, it's not cool.

Quinn: I like what Kurt stands for and Brittany's insane, but just like my dad always voted for the candidate who was least ethnic, I'm voting for the one who's most girl.

Kitty: Every day I ask myself, "What would Quinn Fabray do?"
Quinn: It's really nice to know that people still remember me.
Kitty: Remember you? Oh, no. we aspire to be you. Me especially.

Sue: No time for a foursome, ladies. Bus leaves in five.
Quinn: We quit Cheerios!.
Sue: You can't quit Cheerios!. It's blood in, blood out. Now get your sweet little cans on that bus.
Santana: But we still quit.
Sue: You're my stars. If you leave, I have no performance!
Brittany S. Pierce: Sucks for you.

Rachel: [inviting Schue to the auditorium] So, we have something we need to say to you.
Matt: In the beginning of this year, I was just another football player.
Tina: I had a stutter.
Mercedes: I was a closeted diva.
Quinn: I used to be captain of the Cheerios.
Mike: I was afraid to dance outside my room.
Santana: I hated everyone in this club.
Brittany: So did I.
Kurt: I wasn't honest about who I was.
Noah: I was tossing kids into dumpsters.

Quinn: Hey, Kurt, can I pick your pink brain for a second?
Kurt: Why, hello, Quinn. To what do I owe the honor? I do believe this is the first time you've ever spoken to me.
Quinn: I'm sorry about that. Anyways, I have a proposition to make: a makeover.
Kurt: I'm in! Makeovers are like crack to me.
Quinn: Uh-huh.
Kurt: My suggestion? SPANX. Or a double-knit camisole with a control top for the baby bump. Also, babydoll dresses, dead giveaway.
Quinn: Not for me. For Rachel.
Kurt: And why would I want to do that? I admit I like a challenge as much as the next guy, but Rachel somehow manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.
Quinn: My point exactly. You're as concerned about the Glee Club succeeding as I am, and she's a distraction. Look at her. She's wearing a pantsuit. Don't you think the judges are going to take one look at her and maybe want to knock her down a peg or two?
Kurt: And to think, I thought you were a dumb blonde. Deal.

Quinn: I'm sorry Coach Sylvester, but something is happening between Finn and that thing! You saw how it was undressing it with its eyes!

Will: The wedding was great, but we have got to get ready for sectionals next week.
[Kurt enters]
Will: Oh, Kurt, good. I want to talk to you about this amazing idea I had for a solo for you at sectionals.
Kurt: Can I make an announcement first?
Will: Yeah.
Kurt: First, I wanted to thank everyone for what you did at my dad's wedding, especially Finn. It's nice to know that I have great friends here, as well as a true brother. Which is why it's so hard for me to leave.
Quinn: What do you mean "leave"?
Kurt: I'm transferring to Dalton Academy. Immediately. My parents are using the money they saved up for their honeymoon to pay for the tuition.

Rachel: You told Kurt?
Finn: I don't remember. Maybe.
Mercedes: About Finn and Santana? No, I think I told him.
Rachel: Who told you?
Quinn: Me. I think Brittany told me. Or maybe it was Puck.
Noah: Yeah, it was me.
Rachel: Everybody knew about this but me?
Tina: Pretty much.
Santana: Nobody tells you anything because "A", you're a blabber mouth, and "B", we all just pretend to like you.
Noah: That's not true. I kind of like her.
Finn: Look, Rachel, when all this happened, you were dating another guy, so you don't really have a right to be pissed at me about it, okay? And fine, I shouldn't have lied about it, but to be honest, that isn't what you care about. You care about the Santana of it all.
Rachel: Oh, who are you right now?
Lauren: Best green room ever.

Will: If we lose to Vocal Adrenaline at regionals, none of us are gonna regret it. We will have given it our best shot and we won't look back. But we will regret letting them get the best of us before the competition, which is why we need to hit them back just like they hit us.
Quinn: So you want us to T.P their choir room?
Will: Whatever the better, cooler version of that is, like, uh- maybe-maybe we should steal their school statue.
Kurt: Their school statue is a giant, bronze of a great white shark eating a seal pup. It weighs three tons.

Sue: [at Cheerios tryouts] No way. Get out.
Quinn: Coach Sylvester, please hear me out.
Sue: Nope. I trusted you, and you let me down. I don't want you anywhere near my squad. You'll deafen them with the sound of your stretch marks rubbing together.

Sue: Couldn't help but overhear your conversation.
Quinn: What were you doing in there?
Sue: Enjoying the eavesdropping afforded me by the Swiss-timepiece regularity and utter silence of my 2:00 p.m. ninja poops.

Will: Two things. First, our competition at sectionals are your classic stool choirs. Great voices, but they don't move. Now, if we're gonna beat them, we need to do what they can't: dance. Which is why I've decided to feature Brittany and Mike Chang's sweet moves in our performance.
Rachel: Wait, they're gonna dance in front of me while I sing my solo?
Will: You're not getting a solo for this competition, Rachel.
Mercedes: Finally. So what song do I get to sing?
Will: I was thinking that the winners of our duets competition would take the leads.
Rachel: Ken and Barbie? Wait, a-a-are you trying to throw this?
Quinn: You used to be just sort of unlikeable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth.

Sue: [to Quinn] I, Sue Sylvester am with child.
Quinn: Are you serious? Wow. Um, that's amazing and confusing. Who's the father?
Sue: Oh, I can't tell you that yet. But here's the deal. In order for this zygote to stay firmly ensconced in my uterine wall, my doctor has put me on bovine hormones that are making me extremely nauseous. They've also given me a near-superhuman sense of smell. For instance, I can tell that within the last week, you either enjoyed a delicious curry or a hug from Principal Figgins.

Quinn: I'm not sitting on that guy's lap. Santas' laps are always really warm, and it's creepy.
Artie: We all have to sit on Santa's lap. If Brittany sees that we all still believe, it will make her strong enough to withstand all the Santa naysayers in the world.
Sam: Which is everyone over the age of six.
Tina: I'm pretty sure this isn't gonna work. That guy doesn't even look like Santa.
Artie: Trust me, all Brittany's gonna see is the suit. She wants to believe in him.

Rachel: Now that you're divorced and Ms. Pillsbury married another guy, I guess you'll be spending Christmas Eve alone.
Will: Yes, Rachel, I am.
Rachel: Well, I know how painful being alone can feel, so if you want, you can come over to my house. We're going to eat Chinese and watch "The Main Event".
Will: Thanks, Rachel. I think I'm gonna pass. Nothing wrong with being alone.
Tina: [entering the choir room, everyone stops in their tracks] Artie.
Artie: [standing up, wearing a mechanical contraption] It's called a ReWalk. Some guy in Israel invented it. I can't use it all the time, but... check me out.
Quinn: [he presses a control buttton, then takes a few steps forward] Where did you get it?
Brittany S. Pierce: We went home and it was sitting under my Christmas tree.
Sam: How the hell did you afford that thing?
Brittany S. Pierce: I didn't buy it. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was Transformer.
Artie: I assumed her dad got it for me, but he has no idea where it came from. He went to take a long poop, and when he came back, it was there.
Rachel: So if no one we know bought it for you, then...
Brittany S. Pierce: Santa brought it.

Rachel: Haven't seen you at Glee rehearsals.
Quinn: I'm not Superwoman. I know Glee is your whole life, but I have the Cheerios, I'm on honor roll, I have friends.
Rachel: You don't have to be so embarrassed. No one at Glee is gonna judge you. Look I know, everyone expects us to be enemies and be in competition, but I don't hate you.
Quinn: Why not? I've been awful to you.
Rachel: That was before you knew what it was like to be me; an outsider. More people are gonna start finding out about this, and you're gonna need friends who can relate.
Quinn: How can you relate to what I'm going through?
Rachel: You don't think people whisper about me in the lunchrooms or draw pornographic pictures of me on the bathroom walls?
Quinn: That was me, actually.
Rachel: Look, I don't agree with the choice you're making, but you're gonna need Glee. You have seven months of your youth left. You should enjoy it. And let's face it, in a of couple months, that cheerleading uniform isn't gonna fit and we're gonna be all you have left. Just come back to practice. Boys versus girls, it's fun. And we could certainly use your voice right now. You're actually a good singer, Quinn. Occasionally sharp, but that's just because you lack my years of training.
Quinn: I would have tortured you if the roles were reversed, you know.
Rachel: I know.

Quinn: [after Karofsky attempts suicide] I feel sorry for Karofsky, but what he did was selfish. He didn't just want to hurt himself. He wanted to hurt everyone around him. I went through the wringer, but I never got to that place.
Kurt: Quinn, please. Sure, you had a baby when you were 16 and you had a bad dye job for two weeks, but seriously? The world never stopped loving you and you're going to Yale. You have no idea what Karofsky was struggling with.
Quinn: You really want to try to compare...
Kurt: The despair, the self-loathing. It doesn't matter.
Quinn: I just can't imagine things getting so messed up that you would consider taking your own life.
Kurt: That is so harsh and reductive. Have some compassion.

Quinn: You're a hypocrite.
Sue: Excuse me?
Quinn: I just heard that you got Glee Club's amateur status revoked over a mattress. While you are constantly showering the Cheerios with swag. I've gotten free shoes, complimentary tanning, haircuts. The season tickets to Cedar Point, we sold those on eBay. For a profit. Seems to me that if Figgins found out, you would get banned from competition.
Sue: Fine. You're back on the Cheerios. I'll put you on full-time dry cleaning duty and shove you to the back of the photo to hide your shame.
Quinn: I'm not finished. Glee Club get a full page photo.
Sue: That's not up to me.
Quinn: You are giving up one of the Cheerios' *six* pages and you are giving it to the Glee Club free of charge.
Sue: You know, Q, I'd forgotten just how ruthless you really are. You're like a young Sue Sylvester. Now get out of my office. If you can manage to squeeze through the door without your water breaking all over my new carpet.
Quinn: [turning to leave, then stopping] You know what? I don't think I want to be a Cheerio after all. I don't want to be on a team where I only appear to belong. I'd rather be a part of a club that's proud to have me, like Glee Club.

Santana: [to Quinn] You know what? We get it. You're pissed about Finn dumping your sweet ass. Get over it.
Quinn: I don't want to get over it! Okay?
Santana: The only person that you're sabotaging is yourself.
Quinn: I don't care about some stupid show choir competition!
Santana: Well, you should because this is the one chance that we have to actually feel good about ourselves!
Quinn: [begins to cry] Aren't we suppose to be the popular girls? So why can't we have our dreams come true? Rachel has Finn, Tina has Mike and even Lauren's hooked up. I just wanted for somebody to love me.

Quinn: Would you please stop talking, you're grossing out my baby.

Quinn: I guess we have our ballad. And we can close with "Somebody to Love". It's a real crowd-pleaser.
Noah: Yeah, that and a can of soup will guarantee us third place. We still need another song we can all sing together.
Finn: [entering] I have one. I found the sheet music online. I used the Cheerios' copier to make copies, then I trashed the thing. Mike, Matt, Brittany, Santana, you're our best dancers. Figure something out and we'll all follow your lead.
Mike: It's gonna be choppy.
Finn: Good. We're best when we're loose. Look, all we have going for us is that we believe in ourselves and what we're singing about. If we can show the judges that... we might have a shot at this thing.

Will: Now, we're a little short on female roles, so we're gonna have to double up on Columbias and Magentas.
Rachel: It's standard practice on Broadway. It'll preserve your voices.
Mercedes: I'd like to preserve you. In a jar. In my basement.
Will: Sam. I'd like you to play the role of the Creature.
Sam: From the Black Lagoon?
Quinn: Rocky. He's like the Frankenstein character, but blond. You'll kill the part. He's cute, just like you.
Santana: Better start working on those abs.
Sam: Are you kidding me? You could cut glass with these babies.

Quinn: We shouldn't be talking like this. It's not right.
Kurt: I'm sorry, Quinn. But you all can believe whatever you want to. But I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts, but I don't want your prayers.

Quinn: I've realized that after smoking all day, it hurts to stand.

Quinn: I wanted to ask you a favor, actually, Coach. I would love to rejoin the Cheerios.
Sue: I beg your pardon?
Quinn: It's my senior year and I want to finish high school in a Cheerios uniform with a national championship. I mean, other than Glee, this was the rest of my high school experience.
Sue: Well, I'm sorry, Q, but that wouldn't be fair to the girls who've been practicing all year long who didn't quit. And if you'll now please get the hell out of my office. I just caught a whiff of hot dog water wafting in from the cafeteria, and I think I'm going to blow some serious chunks.

Will: Miss Fabray! Wait. You know, there's only one person in this world that you care about. And that's yourself.
Quinn: You have no idea...
Will: [slams his hand on the table] I'M NOT FINISHED!
Becky: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Will: You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long are you planning on playing the victim card? Since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee club that's been there for you over and over again! When you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out... You know, Mercedes even let you live in her house! And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a 'thank you'. Tonight, you're a train wreck. Well, congratulations. But you stride into my office and tell me it's MY fault? Well, then I have something to say to you: grow up.

Quinn: If you quit I'll let you touch my breasts.
Finn: Under the shirt?
Quinn: Over the bra.

Santana: I cannot wait 'till Finn takes his top off so we can all see the hotness underneath.
Finn: What are you talking about?
Brittany S. Pierce: You can't have Sloppy Joes every day for lunch and think you can get away with it.
Rachel: [supportively taking Finn's hand] Um... that's incredibly rude.
Quinn: Is it? Guys whisper behind our backs about how we girls look every day. They objectify us all the time.
Tina: She sort of has a point.
Santana: Yeah. Earlier today, Artie asked if he could make a gigantic omelet when I'm done with the ostrich eggs I'm smuggling in my bra.

Sue: [Quinn and her friends are planning to join Glee Club] You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within.
Quinn: And I'm going to get my boyfriend back.
Sue: I don't care so much about that.

Will: I am very disappointed in you guys.
Finn: Can't believe you narced on us.
Rachel: Don't get mad at me for exposing your laziness. I'm tired of carrying all of your weight. Regionals is in a month, guys.
Will: I'm just trying to understand what's going on here. Finn, why did you stop singing?
Finn: 'Cause you started giving all the male leads to Jesse. It kind of shook my confidence, you know?
Santana: [sighing] Oh, what difference does it make? Everyone knows that my job here is to look hot.
Quinn: My baby hormones are making me moody.
Brittany S. Pierce: There are so many lyrics.
Will: Okay, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. A glee club is about a myriad of voices coming together as one. All right? This ends now.

Quinn: New year, and I've finally found myself. I'm not sure what the tipping point was: Dying my hair, the nose ring, my erotic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest... But one thing I know, I'm never going back.

Sue: Well, I typed these up for you ladies, requiring your signature, tendering your resignation from the Glee Club. Oh, and Brittany, here's a note for you, handwritten and in crayon from the Human Cannon, saying how much it misses you.
Quinn: Coach, that cannon is gonna get Brittany killed. Is that really worth it just to win a stupid national championship?
Sue: Seventh consecutive stupid national championship.
Quinn: This is ridiculous.
Sue: You had quite a year last year, Q. And as I recall, you didn't have such a good time out of that Cheerios! uniform. Ladies, I am giving you the chance, right now, to choose once and for all where your true loyalties lie. Choose the Cheerios!, or choose the Glee Club.

Mercedes: [Quinn offers her a snack] Thanks. I'm not hungry.
Quinn: Yes, you are. You're starving. I know. I've been there. Did all the other kids start looking like food right before you fainted?
Mercedes: Yeah. How'd you know?
Quinn: Been there. Eat the granola bar.
Mercedes: Why are you being so nice to me? I can't remember the last time you said two words to me that weren't "you" and "suck".
Quinn: 'Cause I was you; scared. Hating myself for eating a cookie. But I got over it.
Mercedes: Yeah, well, of course you did, Miss Pretty Blonde with the white girl ass.
Quinn: When you start eating for somebody else, so that they can grow and be healthy, your relationship to food changes. What I realized is that if I'm so willing to eat right to take care of this baby, why am I not willing to do it for myself? You are so lucky. You've always been at home in your body. Don't let Ms. Sylvester take that away from you.
Mercedes: I'm so embarrassed. This isn't me.
[crying]
Mercedes: How did I become this person?
Quinn: You are beautiful. You know that. I'm gonna stay here with you until your mom comes, okay?

Quinn: I was pretty sure Artie's legs don't work.
Brittany: Did you get a leg transplant?
Artie: Nope. My teammates can push my chair like a battering ram.
Finn: Yeah, there's no rules against it. We checked.
Artie: And I have Britney Spears to thank.
Brittany: You're welcome.

Quinn: [on regrets] Thinking "Trust Me" was a sensible birth control option.

Quinn: What are you doing here?
Finn: Stopping you from going to Sue's regionals competition. You guys got to come to the game with me.
Quinn: Haven't you been paying attention? If we're not Cheerios!, we're nothing.
Finn: You-you think that, but it's not true. You joined Cheerios! to be popular, but you joined Glee Club because you loved it. Sue doesn't care about you guys. She's fine killing Brittany. Tell me honestly. If you didn't think it would hurt your reputation, which would you choose?
Brittany S. Pierce: Glee Club.
Finn: I know you, and you don't think you are, but you're strong enough to do this.
Quinn: Okay.
Finn: Okay?
Quinn: Okay.
Finn: What about you, Santana?
Santana: Screw her. She put me on the bottom of the pyramid.

Mercedes: Look, Quinn, I could never see myself being into a guy like Puck, especially since he's your baby's daddy, but... something just happened between us.
Quinn: I say... go for it.
Mercedes: What?
Quinn: Look... I screwed up by letting Puck get me pregnant. He's an idiot, and his mother won't let me eat bacon. I'm stuck living with him right now, but at least, if you guys are dating, I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories on how "Super Mario Brothers" changed civilization.

Finn: What are we going to do?
Quinn: What are you going to do?
Finn: I'm looking for a job. I mean no one's hiring. I almost got in at Olive Garden, but they said I was too tall to be a busboy.

Quinn: Let's pair up for the immaculate affection.
[Places balloon between Finn and Herself at pelvic level]
Quinn: Remember: if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.

Quinn: [helping Sam after he gets slushied] The blueberry flavor is the worst, especially if it gets down your pants. I looked like a creature out of "Avatar" down there when I got slushied.

Rachel: Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding that you were going to when you got into your car crash and you were answering my text message. And now we're all sitting here and we're talking about this day that's supposed to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives, and we're... we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair? It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.
Quinn: Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause, by the way, does not define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not gonna dwell on this and neither should any of you, okay?
[to Rachel]
Quinn: Come here.
[Rachel stands up and approaches Quinn]
Quinn: Come on.
[chuckles]
Quinn: Come on.
[Rachel slowly gives Quinn a hug]

Noah: I'm not breaking up with you, I'm just saying please stop supersizing 'cause I don't dig on fat chicks.
Quinn: I'm pregnant!
Noah: And that's my fault?

Sue: Let me get this straight. The glee club got rid of Dakota Stanley, Mr Schuester's back and they're busy at work on a new number more confident than ever.
[Cut to scene of Glee Club rehearsing]
Sue: This is what we call a total disaster ladies. I'm going to have to ask you to smell your armpits.
Quinn: [They look uncertainly at each other and then smell their armpits]
Sue: That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privileges for the rest of the semester.
[Santana runs out in tears]

Quinn: [Inflates a white balloon] Let's pair up for the Immaculate Affection. Now remember if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.

Quinn: This is a disaster. Our reputation as McKinley High's "it" couple is in serious jeopardy if we don't find some way to be cool again, Finn.
Kurt: [quietly to Mercedes] The slushie war has commenced.
Mercedes: And if Finn and Quinn got nailed, none of us are safe.

Quinn: Three weeks ago, you said you were sad I didn't have a lizard baby.

Quinn: Congrats, Finn. You're back on the team, I'm head cheerleader again. Some kind of symmetry, don't you think? With all the nastiness between you and I behind us, I think we should be together. We'd be a shoo-in for homecoming king and queen. So what do you say? You and me, 8:00, Breadstix?
Finn: Look, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you. Probably always will. But I'm not gonna get back together with you. There's someone else, and you know who that is. I'm asking you to respect that. I'm sorry.
[as he leaves, she walks down the hall and approaches Rachel, who has been watching nearby]
Quinn: I said what you wanted me to, he shot me down. So congrats. Looks like he really loves you.

Quinn: You can't be in here. It's the girls' bathroom.
Noah: I'm always here. The stalls are cleaner.

Quinn: What's this?
Noah: This is all the money leftover from my pool cleaning business. After I bought dip... and nunchucks.

Rachel: I told you guys.
Santana: We know. You've been berating us for the better part of an hour.
Quinn: Were they really that good?
Rachel: They were, Quinn. Look, I was fine with arranging, choreographing, and directing this number free of charge. But we underestimated the boys. Their number will go to sectionals, and once again, I will be humiliated.
Mercedes: How were we supposed to know they'd rock the house? They've never been good.
Tina: How did they d-d-do it?
Kurt: [entering] The real question is "What were they on?". Though I've been grouped with the boys, my allegiance still remains with you ladies. They declined my offer to do their hair in cornrows and all my artistic decisions have been derided as too costly because they involve several varieties of exotic bird feathers.
[blank stares]
Kurt: We all took something.

Noah: You're wrong. It's a really good name. It's a rock star name.
Quinn: You want to name our daughter "Jack Daniels"? She's a girl!
Noah: Okay, fine, whatever. Jackie Daniels.
Quinn: The name is not the point. I told you this. I'm giving up the baby so I don't have to do this with you. This is good for you. Now you can go off and be a rock star yourself.

Sam: It must be hard. I think if I went through what you went through last year, I would have transferred to a school on the moon or something, out of embarrassment. Okay, that... that didn't come out right. I mean you're really brave to come back like you have. I don't judge you or anything. I know what it's like to have a... secret that you're ashamed of.
Quinn: Oh, holy crap. So you... so you are gay?
Sam: What? No. Not at all. When I found out I was moving here, I wanted to seem cool, you know? Figured if I looked like Swayze in "Point Break", people might think I was a surfer or something. I didn't think it through very clearly. So... I put lemon juice in my hair.
[Quinn snickers]
Sam: I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for Kurt and his sixth sense.
Quinn: I think it looks cute.
Sam: Really?
[she puts the free dinner certificate away]
Sam: What are you doing?
Quinn: We're not using that. You're paying.
Sam: Why?
Quinn: Because a gentleman always pays on the first date.

Mercedes: Rachel kind of got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline, and...
Will: You guys, that's not fair! You gotta stop doing that. But, uh, you know, what... what'd you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Miss Corcoran, their coach? She's Rachel's mom.
Will: Are you serious?
Artie: Way to bury the lead, Mercedes.
Noah: We're screwed. Rachel's gonna jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline.
Rachel: [entering] Never. I really don't want to talk about it, though. I'm still processing the news. And my dads are moving my therapist to our spare room later this afternoon. All I know is that I'm not going anywhere, and I've chosen a Lady Gaga look the longing for a childhood I was deprived of.
Brittany S. Pierce: You look terrible. I look awesome.
Mercedes: I think it's the Kermit the Frog look.
Kurt: [a stuffed animal falls off Rachel's dress] And we have a jumper.
Rachel: Well, my dads can't sew, so these are just stapled on.
Will: Guys, why don't we worry about this later and maybe try to focus on the song?

Will: Looks like everybody voted for Rachel. Including Rachel. But we need two captains, guys.
Quinn: Why two? We're fine with having Rachel represent us in the Thunderclap by herself.
Kurt: We'd actually prefer it.

Noah: I was getting that you kinda need money. For our kid.
Quinn: For my kid.
[counting the bills]
Quinn: Eighteen dollars.
Noah: How much has Finn given you?
Quinn: Just stop. I told you before, I don't care if that baby comes out with a mowhawk, I will go to my grave swearing it's Finn's.

Quinn: When my mom applied to college, she put being popular as her main extracurricular activity.

Quinn: I never got a chance to thank you. For helping me do the right thing.
Finn: Ah, you would have come to it on your own soon enough. So, how does it feel being out of the uniform?
Quinn: Weird. Did turn a couple of heads. You were amazing this week. On the field and off. Reminded me of why I loved you.

Quinn's: I left your father. Well, I kicked him out. Turns out he was sleeping with this tattooed tramp. I want you to come home, honey. We can turn the guest room into a nursery... say something, Quinnie.
Quinn: My water just broke.

Rachel: Hey, guys. Did any of you think it was weird the way that Puck rushed to Quinn's aid during rehearsals yesterday?
[flashback; in the choir room, Quinn falls to the floor, and both Finn and Puck kneel down beside her]
Finn: Is it the baby? Is it coming?
Noah: Think we're supposed to get hot towels.
Quinn: Would you both just shut up? There's, like, sweat on the floor. I slipped, okay? I'm fine.
[return to real time]
Mercedes: [sharing an awkward look with the others] No...
Artie: I mean, he likes her. I mean, they're friends. We all know that.
Rachel: Yeah, but it seemed like more than that. I've never told you guys this before, but I'm a little psychic. I can't read minds or anything yet, but I do have a sixth sense. Something is definitely going on there.

Will: Well, I genuinely hope you guys are happy, because Coach Beiste has quit.
Finn: Wait, what? That's terrible.
Sam: Yeah, that's not what we want.
Artie: That's the opposite of what we want. The football team was actually winning.
Will: Well, then you'd better but your heads together and find a way to get her back, fast, because I am actually ashamed of you. You really hurt someone who was a great addition to this school.
Rachel: I'm sorry, what exactly did we do?
Finn: No, no. It's us. The boys.
Mike: And Tina.
[everyone turns around and stares]
Finn: We sort of figured out that picturing Beiste while making out was even better than a cold shower.
[seeing Rachel's expression]
Finn: I... I mean, I don't. Ever.
Quinn: [quietly to Sam] Oh, wow. I'm sorry.
Santana: Can I just say that this is what happens when people don't put out? If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team.

Noah: Hey, you need to lose the skank act and get it together.
Quinn: Look, everyone needs to leave me alone because this is who I am.
Noah: You look like a Real Housewife of Reno.

Finn: You don't need to be a Cheerio! to be cool.
Quinn: Oh, you are so naive. This whole school is about labels.
Finn: Wow. I never realized you were so freakin' weak.
Quinn: Oh. I...
Sam: What did you say?
Finn: All the Cheerios! quit Glee Club.
Sam: So why are you yelling at my girlfriend about it?
Finn: I'm yelling at her 'cause I'm the leader of this team.
Sam: Well, maybe it's time for a change at the top.
Finn: What's that supposed to mean?
Quinn: This is kind of hot, actually.

Quinn: [stands at Rachel's locker after she closes it] Listen here, treasure trail. We're about to have a smack-down.
Rachel: I don't want to have a confrontation.
[Passes Quinn and starts to walk off]
Quinn: Don't play stupid with me, stubbles. I'm having Finn's baby and you need to back off! I'm asking you as nice as I possibly can. Leave him alone.
Rachel: [Stops walking and turns to Quinn] You're right. I-I've helped you not because it's the right thing to do, but because I had romantic ulterior motives. But just so we're clear, you're the one who's cheating.
Quinn: Excuse me?
Rachel: [They start walking once again] I have on good authority that you're Sue Sylvester's mole and you can deny it all you want, but I know it's true.
Quinn: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Rachel: [They walk up a flight of stairs] Sue's not on your side, Quinn; she's not on anyone's side but her own. Can you imagine what she's going to do when she finds out about your situation? She'll probably rip off your uniform with her bare hands.
[Rachel stops walking at the top of the stairs and turns to face Quinn]
Rachel: All right. Every time you whisper in her ear you empower her to do more damage to the Glee Club. And right now, Glee Club is all you have. And if I were you, I'd recognise who my true friends are. And I'd practice a little more because you obviously have a lot you need to express.
Quinn: Oh, you have no idea!
[Quinn turns around and breaks into song as she sings 'You Keep Me Hangin' On']

Quinn: I know what I heard. There we were, making out, and he said it: "Beiste". I think he was picturing making out with her.
Sue: That is the most horrific image I can imagine.
Quinn: Coach, I need help. I've done everything I can to rehabilitate my image. I'm getting straight A's, dating the cutest guy at school.
Sue: Who would rather be dry-humping She-Hulk. Oh, dear god, why did I say that? Now that's what I'm picturing. Do you know what kind of disguisting images I'm gonna have to look at to get this out of my head? I'm gonna have to go straight to the wound care center. I'm gonna have to stare at some wounds.
Quinn: Coach, I really don't know what to do.
Sue: Wait. This may the opportunity I've been waiting for. A way to get Beiste out of this school and your Macaulay Culkin stunt double back in your arms.
Quinn: What do I have to do?
Sue: We need to go public with your pain. Get people talking about this, make Beiste into the next Mary Kay Letourneau. And you need to give him a piece of your mind. Loud and in public. Show him who's the boss. Oh, man. Now I'm picturing the two of them making out during an episoe of "Who's the Boss?".

Quinn: Mercedes, I'm so sorry.
Mercedes: You may not be a minority, but you certainly get how it feels sometimes.
Quinn: For nine months. You've had to deal with this your whole life. People making assumptions, calling you names. I seriously can't understand why you don't feel like yelling at people all the time.
Mercedes: What's the point in getting angry?
Quinn: Because it's infuriating. I hate all the looks at school. Don't even get me started on Puck's mom.
Mercedes: You're not angry. You're hurt. You just need someplace safe where you can dig through all that rage. Get to the pain beneath it. So it's decided. Saturday, you move out of Puck's house and you move in with me. I already talked to my mom about it. My brother went off to college and we have an extra room.
Quinn: [touched] Mercedes...
Mercedes: It's cool. Us sisters got to stick together, right?

Quinn: I'm looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of my class.

Will: Sorry I'm late, guys. I was with Principal Figgins. Bad news, guys. Puckerman's in juvie.
Tina: It really was just a matter of time.
Quinn: What did he do?
Will: He drove his mom's Volvo through the front of a convenience store, and drove off with the ATM.
Rachel: [the club snickers] A-a-and when is he getting out?
Will: Unknown.
Brittany: He might be the dumbest person on this planet, and that's coming from me.

Will: Tina has something she wants to share with us, but first I have an announcement to make. You've all been reprieved. Bryan Ryan isn't cutting Glee.
[all the members applauds]
Noah: Did he die?
Will: No. He didn't die. He, uh, is going to be distracted for a couple months making his star turn in "Les Miz". He got the lead role.
Quinn: But I thought you got the lead.
Will: I resigned. It was the price for keeping the club.
Finn: Sorry you had to do that, Mr. Schue.
Will: I'm not. You know, th... the way I see it, I'm trading my one dream for the chance that all thirteen of you might find yours.

Quinn: If we go to our cheerleading competition,then we miss the halftime show, and we're out of Glee Club. I'm torn.
Santana: Oh, I'm not.
Brittany: I'm Brittany.

Finn: How the hell could you do this?
Quinn: Oh, don't get all up in my face, Finn. What were we supposed to do?
Finn: Uh, quit Cheerios!. Coach Sylvester is awful to you guys. And don't forget who was there for you the last time she dumped you on your ass: us, Glee Club.

Quinn: God bless the perv that invented these. Remember the power motto girls.
[the Cheerios repeat along with Quinn]
Quinn: It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing.
[the Cheerios dance and grind suggestively]
Quinn: Back it up like a dump truck baby.

Quinn: I'm gonna look terrible.
Tina: Shut up. With your bone structure, you could rock the "Rosemary's Baby" look and still look good. I'm gonna look like Jackie Chan.
Rachel: If Barbara can pull off a bob, so can I.
Santana: Enough yapping. Let's do this.
Will: [entering] Whoa! Whoa! What are you guys doing?
Mercedes: We're going all "Gift of the Magi" to raise money to buy homeless kids those school supplies.
Sam: The guys are gonna sell their watches and the girls are gonna sell off their hair.
Will: You can't do that.
Santana: Oh, no, it's cool. Most of this isn't mine, anyways.
Will: No, I mean that's not the answer. There are other ways to raise money at Christmastime.

[Karofsky throws a slushie in Finn's face. Finn pushes Karofsky against a locker]
Finn: What the hell, Karofsky?
Dave: [Karofsky pushes Finn back] Oh, I've wanted to do that ever since fifth grade when you made fun of me for getting pubes. Now that you've joined Lullaby Lees and insperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball, and dropped below us hockey dudes on the food chain? It's open season!
Quinn: Screw you, Karofsky! You and your neanderthal puckheads are nothing!
Finn: You're gonna pay for this, dude!
Dave: No I'm not. You two don't have the juice anymore. Welcome to the new world order.

Finn: There's nothing going on between me and Rachel.
Quinn: All I know is that when I don't catch you staring at me... you're staring at her.

Sue: I wanna pit these kids against one another, am I clear? Quinn, update. Go.
Quinn: The minority students don't feel like they're being heard.
Sue: Ah, a chink in the armor, huh? I am going to create an environment that it so toxic, no one will want to be a part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple, and I salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing living could grow there for a hundred years. You know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.

Quinn: [to Santana & Brittany] You guys are such suckers for going back to Sue Sylvester.
Santana: Come on, screw her. This is for us. We can win two National championships this year. We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life.
Brittany: Yeah, come on, Quinn. We used to be the Three Musketeers. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.

Will: I was thinking we'd do one group number and one duet.
Finn: Yeah, Rachel and I should sing a duet. We killed it last year at Regionals with "Faithfully".
Quinn: Yeah, killed us. We lost.

Santana: You did this to me. You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!
Quinn: You have a surgery when you get your appendix out. You got a boob job.
Santana: Yup, sure did.
Quinn: [Santana slaps her] You can't hit me.
Santana: Oh, sure I can, unless you got yourself knocked up again, slut.
[Quinn roughly shoves her into a locker]
Brittany S. Pierce: [quietly] Stop the violence.
Will: [entering to break up the fight] Hey, hey, hey! What is this? What happened to us being a family? Hey!
Santana: Oh, please.
Will: [restraining Quinn] Stop that.
Santana: She has a family. She's a mother.
Quinn: Walk away! And tighten up your pony before you get to class!

Quinn: Getting ready for the tranny prom, Rachel?

Quinn: People think you're gay now, Finn. And do you know what that makes me? Your big, gay beard!

Rachel: Ladies, the Kurt Karofsky bullying situation is getting way out of control. Kurt's miserable; he's losing weight, and not in a good way, and he's barely even fighting me for solos anymore.
Tina: We've all been teased, but something about what Karofsky's doing is so much worse.
Rachel: We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team. I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky.
Quinn: Okay, first of all, I'm not dating Sam. And second of all, I think you personally just set the feminist movement back fifty years.

Quinn: What are you doing Friday night?
Noah: Just the usual. Stand outside the 7-Eleven and look depressed until someone offers to buy me beer.

Will: Guys, no more fighting. Have any of you ever actually read "Gift of the Magi"?
[silence]
Will: None of you?
Quinn: You don't have to read "Gift of the Magi". Everybody knows what it's about.
Will: Well, if you actually read it, you'd know what it's about.
Santana: Yeah, I know what it's about. Life freaking sucks.
Will: Actually, you're right. The first Christmas you remember having is the greatest day of your life. Your family's all together, there are loads of presents, cookies. The magic is alive and well. But before you know it, you grow up. Work and school and girlfriends take over and Christmas becomes more of an obligation, a reminder of what's lost instead of what's possible. And all of the trees and presents and even the mistletoe can't change that. And then when you get to my age... you're so desperate to get that magic back, you'd do anything to be able to feel how you did that first Christmas.
Finn: So what should we do?
Will: Put your scissors down, put your watches back on. We're gonna go out and find some people who really need some Christmas spirit, and we are gonna sing for them.

Will: You okay, Quinn?
Quinn: Do I look okay? I'm devastated. Now that I'm off the Cheerios, I'll start every day with a slushie facial.
Will: That's okay if that happens, Quinn. Because there are eleven of your friends right here who are going to be more than happy to help clean you off.

Will: Okay, Quinn, it's your day to show us your funky side. So, take it away.
Quinn: For some of us... just simply getting to class takes a little bit longer. When you're pregnant, you're responsible for two lives. And you're walking down the hallway oppressed by the Man.
Mercedes: [to herself] Oh, my goodness, she is not about to go there.

Will: I know you're behind the Glist.
Quinn: You have no proof. I can't believe that you're gonna pin this on me. I'll be expelled. I mean, it makes sense. Everything else has been taken from me; my popularity, my body. Might as well throw away my education.
Will: You know when I realized that you did it? The moment I felt what it was like to walk in your shoes. I mean, it takes years to build a good reputation, but only seconds to destroy it. Couple of bad choices, and you go from the top to the bottom. You have lost so much, Quinn. Which means you had the most to gain from the Glist.
Quinn: I never meant to hurt anybody.
Will: I know.
Quinn: I... I was captain of the cheerleeding squad, president of the Celibacy Club. I had Finn. People would part like the Red Sea when I walked down the hallway. Now I'm invisible.
Will: And you think being seen as a cheap tramp is better?
Quinn: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.
Will: Look, I know that high school feels like your whole life right now, but it's going to end. You're going to give that baby to a family who really wants it, who's going to love it, and then you are going to go on to do amazing things, Quinn.
Quinn: You really think that I can get it all back one day?
Will: No. I think you can get something even better. I mean, come on. You're Quinn Fabray, right? I mean, those people didn't part when you walked down the halls; you moved them with your attitude.
Quinn: Thanks, Mr. Schue. You're a really good teacher. Even if everybody is calling you a man-whore.

Will: April is amazing. But she's not in the glee club anymore. It... I, uh... I screwed up bringing her here. It was about me, and Glee Club is supposed to be about you guys. You don't need her to be great.
Mercedes: But we need her for the second act.
Will: I'll just have to go out there and tell them we had to cut the show short.
[seeing how disappointed they are]
Will: Hey, guys. You were great. Don't worry. There will be other performances.
Rachel: [entering] Excuse me? I think I might have a solution. In show business, when a star can't perform, her understudy steps in. I'd be happy to go in for April, if you'd let me.
Mercedes: Since when are you willing to be an understudy?
Rachel: Since I quit the play.
Kurt: Really? Why?
Rachel: I realized being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I'd let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself. I know all the words to the song.
Quinn: You don't know the choreography.
Finn: Then we're gonna have to give her a lot of help out there.
Will: Go get in your costume.

Santana: Keep your paws off my man. Clear?
Quinn: Who's your man?
Santana: Don't play stupid, tubbers. Oh, and for the record, asking someone to babysit with you is super '90s.
Quinn: I happen to know that Puck cares about me.
Santana: Oh, wake up! While you two were babysitting, Puck and I were sexting.
Quinn: Sexting?
Santana: Sexy texting. Seriously, what era are you from? While you two were playing house, Puck and I were trading super-hot texts. Why don't you check his cell phone? 'Cause my sexts are too hot to erase.

Mercedes: The boys beat us last time we competed against them. We've got to bring the noise hard this time.
Quinn: To be fair, they didn't officially beat us. We got busted for Vitamin D possession before the vote.
Santana: Wait. Something's definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?
Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, she should totally be bossing us around right now.
Rachel: The idea of the assignment was to do the opposite of what we normally do. I'm just trying to stick to the lesson plan, which is proving nearly impossible since you're gluing those sequins on backwards.

Kendra: [stunned to see her kids all asleep in bed] I think this is the first time they have all been asleep at the same time. What's that smell?
Quinn: Soap.
Terri: You got them to take a bath?
Kendra: What are you, an exorcist?