The Best Stephen King Quotes

Teddy: I don't know how to tell you this, Stu, but...
Stu: What is it?
Teddy: The baby's come early, and it's got the flu.

Bachman: [having disposed of the caregiver's body] All done.
Tara: Where is she?
Bachman: Where's who?

Teddy: Ma'am, are you okay?
Nadine: Fine, why?
Teddy: Well you were having a bad dream, must've been a real wowzer from the sounds you were making. Dream about the walking man?

[first lines]
Man: Honey, come on over here, sugarbuns. This machine just called me an asshole.

Marge: So, Mr. King, what tale of horror and the macabre are you working on now?
Stephen: Oh, I don't feel like writing horror right now.
Marge: Oh, that's too bad.
Stephen: I'm working on a biography of Benjamin Franklin. He's a fascinating man. He discovered electricity, and used it to torture children and green mountain men. And that key he tied to the end of a kite? It opened the gates of HELL!
Marge: Well, let me know when you get back to horror.
Stephen: Will do.
[writes: CALL MARGE RE: HORROR]