Top 30 Quotes From Tempus

Tempus: Well, I'll be damned. He did it! Does he think that's all it takes to finish me? All that spandex must keep the blood from his brain.

Tempus: Clark Kent and Lois Lane, star reporters for the Daily Planet.
Clark: Tempus, you know why you're here?
Tempus: Yes, I do. Dr. Dussel explained it to me. I'm deeply disturbed-- I've lost my identity, the result of a traumatic event, so I fashioned a romantic alter ego for myself. Assuming this role allows me to avoid dealing with painful childhood issues.
Clark: What about Superman?
Tempus: Superman? Clearly, I've projected my own identity issues onto Superman.
[looks at doctor]
Tempus: I'm learning that now.

H.G. Wells: You're a fiend beyond comprehension.
Tempus: And a good dancer but enough small talk. Let's go to my place. There's only room in town for one time traveler and you and this contraption are better off in my hand.
H.G. Wells: And if I refuse?
Tempus: Go ahead, make my days.

Andrus: You are a true force for evil, Tempus.
Tempus: Oh, you're just saying that because I've got you tied to a chair and I'm about to plunge the world into a thousand years of darkness.
Andrus: You won't get away with this--men of greater character will conspire to stop you.
Tempus: [sets the paper down in front of him] Or not.
Andrus: [shows Superman grounded] If you don't allow Superman to do his good work, Utopia will never come about.
Tempus: I'm creating a new Utopia, Andrus--one that suits my own unique sensibilities.
Andrus: Great men aren't so easily neutralized, Tempus.
Tempus: You know, you're right. If history has taught us nothing else, it's taught us this: Never invade Russia, and don't underestimate the power of Superman's disgusting goodness. He'll need a little more convincing if he's to cooperate fully, and I know just where to hit him hardest for maximum effect.

Tempus: You want to know the future, Miss Lane? No one works, no one argues, there are 9,000 channels and NOTHING ON!

Tempus: The only thing that would ruin this is a commercial.
[Cut to commercial]

Tempus: Ah, the heroine creates the hero--a mythically moving moment.

Tempus: Hmm, well it's all very presidential but does it say emperor to you?
President: Well we don't actually have emperors in this county.
Tempus: Not yet but it's only a penstroke away. This is America Garner, a man can dream.

Tempus: Can we move this along? I'm breaking out this morning, you know.
Barrett: Yes. You believe that a peacekeeper from the future will be arriving on this date to...
Tempus: Extradite me back to the future to face crimes I've committed in various time zones.
Barrett: So, I gather you still believe you're from the future?
Tempus: Duh... .
Barrett: And that you were first brought to this century by Science Fiction writer H.G. Wells in a time machine of his own invention.
Tempus: A real brain twist, isn't it?
Barrett: And using this time machine, you tried to kill the infant Superman.
Tempus: In the early '60s, yes.
Barrett: I see. And your assertion that Superman has a secret identity?
Tempus: I stand by it.
Barrett: And that secret identity is... ?
Tempus: [laughing] I'd tell you, but you'd think I was nuts.
Barrett: Mr. Tempus, assuming this is all true, why would you admit it to me?
Tempus: Because you are-- in a word-- Looney Tunes.
Barrett: [gets up, moving to bars to look directly at Tempus] 'Looney Tunes' is two words.
Tempus: Not if you say it fast.

Tempus: Well Superman! You patriotic thing, you. Come on in!
[Superman walks up to him, taking him by the neck and lifting him in the air]
Randolph: Um, should I call for the Secret Service, Mr. President Elect?
Tempus: No, Randolph... He won't harm me.
[Superman reluctantly puts him down]
Tempus: See, Randolph... That's something you must learn about superheroes--no matter which way they turn, they're constantly bumping into their own ethics.
Superman: I'm going to bring you down, Tempus.
Tempus: Who's Tempus?
Superman: You've gone too far this time.
Tempus: What're you gonna do--impeach me?
Superman: I'll do whatever's necessary.
Tempus: You might want to reconsider cooperating with the new administration, Superman. One never knows when one's wife will drive her car off a cliff, does one?
Superman: This is a warning--you stay away from her, or I promise you, you will see my *ethics* disappear.

Tempus: Time all you Chowderheads got let in on a little secret. This Superman of yours, this chiseled god, is in reality Clark Kent of The Daily Planet.
[Turns to Superman #2]
Tempus: In chess, this is where I say "check."
Clark: [Clark and Lois appear behind them as the media stares] Uh Honey, I think the media wants us to comment on Mr. Tempus's last remark.
Lois: Um, we regret that Mr. Tempus's mental health has not improved, he's obviously still delusional.
Superman #2: This is where I would say, "checkmate."
Tempus: No, you cretins. He *is* Clark Kent. One of them's from another dimension. I mean, it's obvious... Duh!

Baron: The Fox has stolen Lady Loisette from me, and I simply can't have that. I hate it when the hero gets the heroine. It's so cliché.

Tempus: [to H.G. Wells] Herb, if I wanted to kill her, I'd beat her to death with a frozen lamb chop and then eat it with a nice merlot.

Tempus: Well, this is a special pleasure, Ms. Lane. I'm Tempus. I'm from the future that you and Superman created.
Lois: Me and Superman?
Tempus: A world of peace. A world with no greed or crime. A world so boring you'd blow your brains out, but there are no guns.

Tempus: You know, my stores are offering a great deal on a 12-clip automatic. 24 rounds with every purchase, and a free pair of sunglasses.

Lois: If you wanna kill Superman, I don't know why you're going to Smallville or 1966.
Tempus: She doesn't know yet. Oh, this is good. This is really good. Um, Lois, did you know that, in the future, you're revered at the same level as Superman? Why there are books about you, statues, an interactive game. You're even a breakfast cereal.
Lois: Really?
Tempus: Yes. But, as much as everybody loves you, there is one question that keeps coming up: "How dumb was she?" Here, I'll show you what I mean. Look.
[puts glasses on]
Tempus: I'm Clark Kent.
[Takes glasses off]
Tempus: No, I'm Superman.
[Puts glasses on]
Tempus: Mild-mannered reporter.
[Takes glasses off]
Tempus: Superhero. Hello! Duh! Clark Kent is Superman. Ha, ha, ha. Well, that was worth the whole trip. To actually meet the most galactically stupid woman who ever lived.

H.G. Wells: I refuse to believe that something so diabolical could be so easy!
Tempus: Well that's very Protestant of you.

Tempus: Hi Lois, remember me?
Lois: No, I...
Tempus: [Removes his glasses] How about now?
[laughs]
Tempus: It's a private joke.

Tempus: I know what you've done, you treasonous little bug! You've imported that muscle-locked Boy Scout from that other universe to this one.
H.G. Wells: The power of the human spirit cannot be confined to one time or place--it's everywhere!
Tempus: Oh, save that drivel for your overrated novels.
H.G. Wells: It's only a matter of time before he scans the city with X-ray vision and locates me.
Tempus: Anticipating that possibility, I've relocated us to this abandoned fallout shelter. It's lined with lead. Now, get in that machine and take that overstuffed set of tights back where he belongs.
H.G. Wells: And what will you do if I refuse? Kill me?
Tempus: You bet.
H.G. Wells: Anticipating your villainy, I have adjusted the machine so that only I can operate it. Now what's going to happen to your plan when Superman examines the phone system, as he will, and discovers your fiendish alteration?
Tempus: While you were anticipating my villainy, I was anticipating your anticipation and began implementation of an even more insidious plan to spread my message, and now that you're my captive, you won't be able to blow the whistle on me or use the bloody time machine yourself. But I'm getting bored with you, Herb. We seemed joined at the hip, you and I, and when I get *really* bored with someone... Well, Mr. Secretary, I believe you're familiar with your duties.

Tempus: [running for President as John Doe] Attention all registered voters, John Doe is darn nice guy.

Tempus: [Lois slaps him across the face] Well I was wondering how long it would take to get to that part of the interview?
Lois: You are dirt. You are filth. You're pocket lint. You're pocket lint in the pockets of lawyers.
Tempus: Oh calm down. You want a martini?
Lois: No I don't want a martini. Tempus don't you realize that if I was able to block out this John Doe hypnosis then others can too? And we will bring you down.
Tempus: No you won't. You are alone Lois. The only other living soul who knows the truth about me is Clark and whoops he's not living anymore is he?
Lois: Yes he is. He's coming back.
Tempus: What do you think this is, a family television show? Only unhappy endings allowed here, Lois. Let's see, I could shoot you or hang you on the spot but what's the fun in that? Why you're the only sane one in the asylum darlin'. Between that and losing your husband you should be crawling the walls in no time.
Lois: This interview's over. You don't get it do you? You can't stamp out goodness. You might take the whole world into night but a little sliver of light is gonna come through and will have you.
Tempus: You make a very attractive widow.

Squire: Sir Charles? You're the Fox? I love it!
Baron: Well, of course! It all makes perfect sense. Never in the same place at the same time, always ducking away and returning with some lame excuse... I can't believe I was actually fooled by a little mask over the eyes.
Loisette: Duh, join the club.

Andrus: Come, we return for your trial.
Tempus: I don't think so.
Andrus: Tempus, I speak to you as a fellow utopian. Return with me now, make amends for your crimes and save what is left of your soul.
Tempus: Funny, no matter how you pretty it up it still sounds like prison to me.

Tempus: Superman, as long as I have you here, just answer one thing for me. Why tights? Why a cape? You're a grown man. Don't you feel ridiculous?
Superman: My mother made it for me.

Tempus: [TV Broadcast] Though the Doe administration doesn't take power for a few months, I wanted to let the people know we're going to make the transition as painless as possible. I'm already working with President Garner on that.
Lois: Oh, God... it's started already.
Tempus: My greatest hope is that the former supporters of President Garner will join with me in making this country great again.
Clark: Again?
Lois: Like back in the days of slavery.
Tempus: ...in particular-- Superman. If you're listening, I want you to know that I hope we can find a place for you in the Doe administration. Once all citizens are working through the proper channels, especially well-meaning but lawless vigilantes such as yourself, well the world will be a safer and more ordered place. I hope you can understand that, and if you 'kent'-- I mean can't, we'll just have to figure out something else. That's all for today. Thank you.
Lois: [Turns off the TV] Clark, he said your name.
Clark: I know.
Lois: I know this isn't our usual approach, but I say you go over there and kick his skinny butt.
Clark: I would love to, but you know Superman can't just go beat up the President Elect.
Lois: Why not?
Clark: Lois...
Lois: He's dangerous.
Clark: I know. He's also the most popular man in the country right now, elected by a landslide. We have to be very, very smart about this.
Lois: Tempus... President of the United States--what a nightmare.
Clark: Lois, I've been having--
[interrupted by a distress call]
Clark: There's a robbery goin' down right now. Do me a favor-- stay here, lock the doors, don't go anywhere.
Lois: Clark...
Clark: Honey, just--do it. I got a funny feeling...

H.G. Wells: What's the matter, my dear?
Lois: Oh, you've been to the future, Mr. Wells. Is it true what Tempus said about me?
H.G. Wells: Oh, yes. You're as highly revered as any woman in history.
Lois: Oh, no, I'm meant about being galactically stupid.
H.G. Wells: No, no, no, Miss Lane, not stupid: blind. It is one of the many things that makes your story so timeless. Why children never tire of hearing it at bedtime. Why parents never outgrow it. Generation after generation, we are all blinded by love, Miss Lane. Especially that one great love that changes us forever.
Tempus: Excuse me, but I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit.

Lois: I couldn't stand the idea I might lose you and I'd never get to tell you... to say that... I...
Tempus: Please. I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric chair - but don't make me listen to this!

Baron: Sorry, this is the point where the villain accelerates things. Skip on down.

Baron: Don't you remember me? I'm the bad guy who collects horrendously unfair taxes and you're the good guy who robs me blind and gives it all back to the poor.

H.G. Wells: I won't let you hurt him, I will fight you with my last breath.
Tempus: Really?
H.G. Wells: I swear it!
Tempus: [hits Wells who falls unconscious] Sorry, can't have you swearing in front of the baby.