20 Best Tom Baker Quotes

Mark: Have you seen Beans dad?
Tom: Sorry, Charlie, er, Nigel, Kyle.
Mark: It's Mark.
Tom: I knew that.

Jessica: Dad, can I kill Jake now?
Tom: No, finish washing the car first!

Lorraine: [walks into kitchen] I am totally aware that this family doesn't value self-presentation in the same obsessive way that I do. Fine. Whatever. But one of my life goals aside from being, like, a fashion guru is to indicate to the local community that the Baker family actually owns a bar of soap. So, as self-appointed in-house rep of style and hygiene, I think that I should be allotted at least five extra minutes in front of the mirror.
Tom: Three.
Lorraine: Done.
Tom: Good now help your sister butter the toast.

Tom: She says she will help us out if they can stay in the same room.
Kate: No. No way. No, she knows the rules.
[Talking to the kids]
Kate: She wants to have her own room when she's here isn't that sweet,
[to Tom]
Kate: no.

[Sarah has just orchestrated a major practical joke against Hank]
Tom: You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker.

[With his football players]
Tom: Get my kids and meet me at my house. Ready? Break.

Kate: My book's getting published.
Tom: Did I tell you we're going to have it all?
Kate: You've never said that.
Tom: [Sweeping Kate onto the bed] I'm telling you now, baby.
Lorraine: [Rushing from the room] Oh my god, can you guys just please wait till I leave the room?
Tom: [Between kisses] Can you hurry?

Kate: Put the kids on, let me talk to someone.
Tom: [huddled in the closet] Oh, well, they're studying, and it's the tri, trigo, trig stuff we aren't all that good at, and they've formed a study group, it's like a little Think Tank thing.
[an axe blade breaks through the door of the closet]
Tom: I... I'd just hate to break that up.
Kate: Okay, well, I gotta go honey, bye.
Tom: bye.
[hangs up]
Nigel: C'mon Dad, don't hide in the closet!
Kyle: Take it like a man!

Mike: [shouts] Heads up!
[Tom catches the hockey ball right before it hits Tina in the face]
Tom: Little less wrist, Mike.
Tom: [throws the ball back to him and Mike catches it]
Mike: Got it.
Mike: [shouts] Game on!

Tom: [picking an athletic cup out of the spaghetti sauce] Ah... Pasta de la croch.

Charlie: Did I mention I don't like you very much?
Tom: Yeah, you mentioned that.
Charlie: Then I'm good.

Kate: You need a paramedic?
Tom: No, just a pair o' knees.

Tom: You soaked his underwear in meat. That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong.

Tom: You were checking me out, weren't you?
Kate: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that?
Tom: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat.
Kate: Whoo!

Tina: Is Jake your only child?
Kate: Oh no. We have 12.
Tom: I couldn't keep her off of me.

Nora: I've searched everywhere. Nothing.
Tom: Where's Hank?
Nora: He's not going to make the cut.
Tom: I hope the family isn't to blame.
Nora: [smiles] They're totally to blame.
[hug]

Tom: Hey, guys. Remember Shake? We played college ball together.
Nigel: Yeah, the hot dog.
[Tom gives him a look]
Nigel: Mom said it first.
Shake: We're having adult time here, boys.
Kyle: No idea what that means.
Tom: Well, it's this crazy thing where grown-ups actually get to have a conversation without being interrupted by kids.
Kyle: Sounds wicked boring.
Shake: It is. So why don't you run along?
Kyle: Mom's right. He is a weiner.

Tom: Clean up on aisle 12.

Tom: [after him and Dylan and the chandelier have crashed to the floor] You know, for the entire minute and a half we lived here... l really hated that chandelier.

Tom: [while they're hanging from the chandelier] So, Dylan, know any good restaurants?