The Best Vaughn Taylor Quotes

Old: Hypnotism? This is conjure stuff!

Judge: Parker, the only difference between a rut and a grave is measurement. NOW it's time to leave this town.

Old: That's who we'll have fightin' on our side, the devil!

Mr. Carsville: I remember last November you spent the better part of the days reading campaign buttons on customer's lapels. You'll recall, Mr. Bemis, the young woman who took considerable offense at this and tried to hit you with her umbrella.
Henry: I remember that very well, Mr. Carsville. She never gave me a chance to tell her that I was only looking at who she was voting for.

Maxwell: That's right, 99. After all, Mr. Gaffer is still one of the best. He's my idol. Did you know that Mr. Gaffer once captured 10 killers armed with machine guns? Would you believe it? 10 killers with machine guns!
Agent: I find that very hard to believe.
Maxwell: Would you believe 4 killers with knives?
Agent: I don't think so.
Herbert: How about a mean little kid with a pea shooter?

Salvadore: It's all changed. I'm asking you for forgiveness. For compassion.
Mr. Maitland: Compassion? Don't you remember? I sold it to you yesterday.
[pulls out a gun and shoots Ross dead]

Mr. Maitland: I've thought a lot about it. Though, I realize that you are what you are and it's not my place to judge you...
Salvadore: Oh look, I don't care what you think about me.
Mr. Maitland: Please, please.
[continues]
Mr. Maitland: I cannot let you ruin her life by marrying her.

Herbert: [glad to see the pigeon Smart is carrying in a cage] Aha, I see you've reached Control headquarters.
Maxwell: Yes, but it's been a long time since we received a message by carrier pigeon.
Herbert: Well, we're a little old fashioned here in Spy City, after all, this is a retirement home for secret agents.
Maxwell: Yes. Is this pigeon also retired?
Herbert: Not yet!
Maxwell: Well he should be, he couldn't find his way back here.

Maxwell: [holding up Professor Booth's umbrella as a shield, but the bullets go right through it] Hey! I thought you said this was a shield!
Herbert: Well it is, but I just remembered: not against bullets.

Mr. Carsville: You, Mr. Bemis, are a reader!
Henry: A reader?
Mr. Carsville: A reader! A reader of books, magazines, periodicals, newspapers! I see you constantly going downstairs into the vault during your lunch hour.
[Bemis tries to sit down, but Carsville slams on the desk]
Mr. Carsville: An ultimatum, Mr. Bemis! You will henceforth devote time to your job and forget reading or you'll find yourself outdoors on a park bench reading from morning to night for want of having a job! Do I make myself perfectly clear?
Henry: Oh, that's perfectly clear, sir, it's just that...
Mr. Carsville: [interrupting] "Just that" what, Bemis? Make it quick and get back to your cage!
Henry: [sitting down] It's just that my wife won't let me read at home. See, when I get home at night and try to pick up a newspaper, she yanks it out of my hand! And then after dinner, if I try to find a magazine, she hides them. Well, I got so desperate found myself trying to read the labels on the condiment bottles on the table. Now, she won't even let me use the ketchup.
Mr. Carsville: [smiling] Unasked, I give my reaction to this: your wife is an amazingly bright woman.
[Bemis gives a thunderstruck look]

Salvadore: Well, are you happy now that you've convinced her that she's too much for a *bum* like Salvadore Ross, hmm?
Mr. Maitland: I admit I wouldn't choose you for my daughter, but it's not my decision, it's hers. Besides, I may be wrong about you. She obviously sees you differently than I do.
Leah: No, I don't.
[turns to Sal]
Leah: Not anymore.
[Leah goes in with her father and closes the door]
Salvadore: Why can't I want something in my life and get it?
[punches the door]
Salvadore: Just once.