The Best Ward Wood Quotes

Lt. Art Malcolm: [Joe and Art are meeting in the middle of a bridge; Joe is going to pretend to kill Art] They bought it, huh?
Joe: So far.
Lt. Art Malcolm: I hope you haven't forgotten how to miss.
Joe: I hope you haven't forgotten how to swim.
[shoots the gun off angle and Art jumps into the water]

Dr. Sam Wyman: A small amount of water in her lungs- couple of c.c.'s - and quite a bit of alcohol in the blood.
Joe: Stuck to her lifestyle right down to the wire. Scotch and water... light on the water.
Lt. Art Malcolm: Joe, I thought both of you close the door on that a year ago.
Joe: We did.

Lt. Art Malcolm: Hello Peggy. Bad year for termites.
Peggy: Not if you're a termite.

Sgt. Al Reardon: [while being questioned in Art's office] Well, I don't understand any of this. It's... It's like some kind of nightmare!
Joe: Why don't you let me get you a lawyer?
Sgt. Al Reardon: I don't need a lawyer, Joe. I need a friend that will believe my story. That's why I called you.
Joe: Yeah, now, you, uh, say you were at home all night alone?
Sgt. Al Reardon: Yeah, I... I am mostly since... since Mary left me.
Joe: Did you know this loan shark? What was his name?
Lt. Art Malcolm: Briscoe. Nick Briscoe.
Joe: Did you know him?
Sgt. Al Reardon: Of course I knew him. I busted him last year. I had two witnesses willing to swear he was charging them ten percent interest per week.
Joe: Did you get a conviction?
Sgt. Al Reardon: The witnesses backed off. Briscoe got to 'em.
Joe: Al, uh... how do you explain the damage to your car?
Sgt. Al Reardon: I can't explain it, Joe! I can't explain any of this! I just know I didn't do it!

Lt. Art Malcolm: [after examining the fingerprints on the glass that Joe bought, showing Joe a picture of the man who the fingerprints belong to] The fingerprints match those on the wine glass. Is that the man, Joe?
Joe: Yeah, that's him. And the only thing about him that hasn't changed are his fingerprints.
Lt. Art Malcolm: Except maybe his name.
Joe: Who is he?
Lt. Art Malcolm: Did you ever hear of Eric Latimer?
Joe: Latimer? The writer?
Lt. Art Malcolm: "Worldwide" magazines. Crime exposes.
Joe: Yeah, I remember. He drowned a couple of years ago. What's the connection?
Lt. Art Malcolm: Haley is Eric Latimer.
Joe: What?
Lt. Art Malcolm: Mistakes happen, Joe. The Coast Guard found his catamaran upside down off the west tip of Catalina. He was in it when he left Marina Del Rey. He was reported lost at sea. Looks like it might've been a snap judgment.
Joe: Yeah, I remember his stories. Named a lot of names. Must have made a lot of enemies.
Lt. Art Malcolm: If Latimer is alive and in hiding, I want to know why.
Joe: You know, Art, my bump of curiosity is a little bigger than usual. How about letting me follow through on my own for a couple of days?
Lt. Art Malcolm: What's going on, Joe?
Joe: Just two days, Art.
Lt. Art Malcolm: One day. By the clock. And, Joe, maybe you'd better wear a helmet.

Lt. Art Malcolm: I don't know how they missed you.
Joe: I live right.

Busby: [having just learned 86 and 99 are engaged] How long have known her, 86?
Maxwell: Oh, I've known 99 since she was 24.
Busby: I thought Huffacker was 24?

Lt. Art Malcolm: [he and Joe enter on Roarke and his attorney in Roarke's hospital room] I suppose you instructed your client not to talk?
Roarke's: That would depend on what you wanted to discuss, Lieutenant. I won't permit him to incriminate himself, no.
Joe: He won't have to. He killed a police officer in cold blood.
Roarke's: You don't think he had the right to defend himself?
Lt. Art Malcolm: That's your plea, self-defense? That's a little far out, isn't it?
Roarke's: Why is that? Mr. Roarke went to Mr. Mannix's office to chat about the circumstance of their last meeting. The door was opened by an officer who immediately drew his gun.
Joe: It was still in his holster after the shooting.
Roarke's: There was nobody present to see you put it back in the officer's holster after the shooting.
Victor: Only me. I saw that.
Joe: Save it for the jury, Roarke. You're gonna need all the defense you can get.
Lt. Art Malcolm: Hold it, Joe. You sent word down that you were ready to talk. So far, I haven't heard anything worth the elevator ride. You change your mind?
Roarke's: What's all that about? You didn't tell me.
Victor: Cool it. I want to make a deal.
Lt. Art Malcolm: No deals.
Victor: Oh, sure. Yeah, sure. I understand, Lieutenant, you're lily white, but juries are paid to listen. And don't you forget where you heard what I'm going to tell you.
Roarke's: Look, I don't know what you're getting at, but shut up.
Victor: There was a judge that disappeared about a year ago. Remember?
Joe: Judge Bishop?
Victor: Yeah, that's the one.
Lt. Art Malcolm: Yeah. What about him?
Victor: I know where he's buried.
Roarke's: You must be out of your mind. You want to be charged with that, too?
Victor: I wasn't even around at the time. A friend of mine told me. No names, Lieutenant, or I'm a dead man.
Roarke's: Victor, listen, you're confessing to withholding evidence.
Victor: Sure. But maybe I'll buy a little consideration from the jury. Maybe they'll understand that at the time, I was too scared to talk. So I have this on my conscience, and I want to get it straight.
Roarke's: That's stupid. You're only buying yourself a cell eight feet by ten.
Victor: Lieutenant, do I have to listen to this clown?
Roarke's: I'll answer that for you, Lieutenant. You get yourself another lawyer.
[leaves the room in anger]

Lt. Art Malcolm: The time has come, the walrus said, to speak of many things.
Joe: Not the least of them, Murder.

Lt. Art Malcolm: [interrogating Overkill in his office] You're entitled to have an attorney present. You do understand that?
Overkill: I'm... my own attorney.
Paul: I don't think he understands. I have an attorney standing by. Good man. I'll call him.
Overkill: [slams his hands over the phone on Art's desk] I DON'T WANT YOUR GOOD MAN! YOU'VE ALREADY DOUBLE-CROSSED ME ONCE!
Paul: I'm trying to help you.
Overkill: That why you had those calls traced. I knew what you were doing. The minute I left those phone booths... the police had arrived.
Paul: The first words I ever heard you say were "stop me." I thought you meant them.
Overkill: All right. Let's call in a secretary. I want to dictate a full confession.
Lt. Art Malcolm: We aren't quite ready for that yet. There are some details we have to straighten out first. Such as your name.
Overkill: You know who I am.
Paul: He means your real name. We can't keep calling you Overkill.
Overkill: Why not?
Lt. Art Malcolm: It's important that we establish your real identity. Now, do you want to tell us your name?
Overkill: It's one of those things I got stuck with. John A. Lambert.
Lt. Art Malcolm: What's your address, John?
Overkill: 1214 Greenlee, Apartment B.
Lt. Art Malcolm: Are you employed?
Overkill: WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH IT? I KILLED SEVEN PEOPLE! SEVEN PEOPLE!
[pauses]
Overkill: When are you going to get to that, huh?
Joe: You mean eight, don't you? Including the night watchman last night?
Overkill: Night watchman? I get confused sometimes.
Joe: Why? Why did you kill him?
Overkill: I don't know. I don't know why I... killed any of those people.