The Best Aaron Rapaport Quotes

Aaron: Oh no! We really fucked up, guys! He's arming his fucking nukes!

Reporter: Yo Skylark, which side of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss?
Dave: I'm not gonna kiss them, but let's just say I might give him something special with my hand
[gestures with his hand and smirks]
Dave: .
Reporter: [laughing] You gonna jerk him off?
Dave: What? No! That's a *double entendre*! I'm *foreshadowing*!
Aaron: Shut up! Shut up! Get in the fucking car! Shut up! Shut up! Why would you say that? Why would you say that?

Aaron: Damn, she was sexy.

Agent: The CIA would love it if you two could... take him out.
Dave: Hmm?
Agent: Take him out.
Dave: Take him out?
Aaron: For drinks?
Agent: No, no, no. Take him out.
Dave: Take out... like to dinner?
Aaron: Take him out to a meal?
Agent: Take him out.
Aaron: On the town?
Aaron: To party?
Agent: No.
[whispering]
Agent: Take him out.
Aaron: You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea.
Agent: Yes.
Dave: Whaaaaaaaat?

Dave: As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, they knew that this might be the end of a long road. But they also knew how much they meant to each other. And even though neither one could say it out loud, they were both thinking...
Aaron: [whispers] I love you.
[they embrace]

Dave: Kim must die, it's the American way.
Sook: How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake?
Aaron: As many times as it takes!

Dave: What a fuckin' bitch, am I right?
Aaron: No! You're not right! He's not being a bitch! He's completely right!
Dave: He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous!
Aaron: He's not jealous!
Dave: He's putting KY jealous all over his dick!
Aaron: What have they gotta be jealous of?
Dave: Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us!
Aaron: They hate us 'cause we're anus? What the fuck does the anus have to do with this?
Dave: They hate us 'cause they AIN'T us!
Aaron: That's not what it is!

Aaron: Take your hands away. I saw the boner!
Dave: I'm not taking my hands away.
Aaron: Move your fucking hands!
Dave: Fine. Wanna see it?

[Sook Rips Aaron's shirt open]
Sook: You're hairy! You're so hairy like a bear! Your nipples are so pink!
Aaron: Yes they are!
Sook: Love it! Ohhh!

Dave: When you score a Bin Laden, or a Hitler, or an Un, you take it by the balls! It's the first rule of journalism. You give the people what they waaant!
Aaron: That's not the first rule of journalism. I think it's like the first rule of like circuses and demolition derbies.

Dave: This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. But you're just... Boromir!
Aaron: I don't know who the FUCK that is!
Dave: 'I don't know who Boromir is', that's such a Boromir thing to say!

Aaron: Dude! The fuck, man! That was John Kerry's office!
Dave: Forget this oak tree looking fuck! This is top sense! The Times' heading about... about North Korea, read the bottom... after all that... the death camp shit!
Aaron: Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people with cries for the destruction of the United States of America, he is known to be an affluent consumer of American entertainment. His favorite shows are Big Bang Theory... and Skylark tonight!

Aaron: Eminem's gay in our show!

Aaron: I packed like a fool! Like a goddamn fool!

Aaron: It's that Katy fucking Perry?
Dave: Leave it on! It helps me to concentrate.