Top 30 Quotes From Dave Skylark

Dave: Maybe 'the media' is manipulating you!

Dave: This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. But you're just... Boromir!
Aaron: I don't know who the FUCK that is!
Dave: 'I don't know who Boromir is', that's such a Boromir thing to say!

Dave: It's a fucking tiger!

Dave: This is like Spike Lee saying he's white.

Dave: [singing] ... just own the night! Like it's the 4th of July!
Kim: [crying] No, not the chorus, please!
Dave: [singing] Cuz Kimmie you're a firework! Come on let your colors burn!

Dave: What a fuckin' bitch, am I right?
Aaron: No! You're not right! He's not being a bitch! He's completely right!
Dave: He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous!
Aaron: He's not jealous!
Dave: He's putting KY jealous all over his dick!
Aaron: What have they gotta be jealous of?
Dave: Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us!
Aaron: They hate us 'cause we're anus? What the fuck does the anus have to do with this?
Dave: They hate us 'cause they AIN'T us!
Aaron: That's not what it is!

Agent: The CIA would love it if you two could... take him out.
Dave: Hmm?
Agent: Take him out.
Dave: Take him out?
Aaron: For drinks?
Agent: No, no, no. Take him out.
Dave: Take out... like to dinner?
Aaron: Take him out to a meal?
Agent: Take him out.
Aaron: On the town?
Aaron: To party?
Agent: No.
[whispering]
Agent: Take him out.
Aaron: You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea.
Agent: Yes.
Dave: Whaaaaaaaat?

[last lines]
Dave: This was a revolution ignited with nothing more than a camera and some questions. Questions that led a man, once revered as a god among mortals, to cry and shit his pants.

Aaron: Dude! The fuck, man! That was John Kerry's office!
Dave: Forget this oak tree looking fuck! This is top sense! The Times' heading about... about North Korea, read the bottom... after all that... the death camp shit!
Aaron: Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people with cries for the destruction of the United States of America, he is known to be an affluent consumer of American entertainment. His favorite shows are Big Bang Theory... and Skylark tonight!

Dave: As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, they knew that this might be the end of a long road. But they also knew how much they meant to each other. And even though neither one could say it out loud, they were both thinking...
Aaron: [whispers] I love you.
[they embrace]

Dave: Haters gonna hate, and ain'ters gonna ain't!

Kim: I have no comment on Margaritas.
Dave: Then why don't you drink them?
Kim: I don't like brain freeze.
[crying]
Kim: Fuck you, Dave. You fucking asshole.

Dave: Get that goat! Get that goat! I have some questions for that goat.

Dave: I said that to Aaron that this bitch is as blind as a bat!

Dave: He ate it! You're not even supposed to touch it and he ate it! Chewing it! Chewing it!

Dave: When you score a Bin Laden, or a Hitler, or an Un, you take it by the balls! It's the first rule of journalism. You give the people what they waaant!
Aaron: That's not the first rule of journalism. I think it's like the first rule of like circuses and demolition derbies.

Dave: Kim must die, it's the American way.
Sook: How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake?
Aaron: As many times as it takes!

[Eminem just said on Dave Skylark's show that he is gay]
Dave: Eminem, lets just back it up a moment. You just said that you are gay? And I'm just curious what you meant by that, exactly.
Eminem: I mean, I'm gay.
Dave: I'm just a little confused here because gay can mean a lot of things.
Eminem: I am a homosexual.
Dave: Meaning?
Eminem: I like men.

Reporter: Yo Skylark, which side of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss?
Dave: I'm not gonna kiss them, but let's just say I might give him something special with my hand
[gestures with his hand and smirks]
Dave: .
Reporter: [laughing] You gonna jerk him off?
Dave: What? No! That's a *double entendre*! I'm *foreshadowing*!
Aaron: Shut up! Shut up! Get in the fucking car! Shut up! Shut up! Why would you say that? Why would you say that?

Dave: [admires a war tank] Holy fuckamole. Is that real?
Kim: It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin
Dave: In my country it's pronounced Stallone.
Kim: You're so funny, Dave.

Dave: How's the puppy!
Sook: Puppy is O.K.!
Dave: You protect that puppy with your life.

Aaron: It's that Katy fucking Perry?
Dave: Leave it on! It helps me to concentrate.

Dave: Aaron, are you inside the tiger?

Dave: You got fucked by Robocop, dude!

Kim: I don't know what you're talking about! I never heard this song before!
Dave: You don't have to lie anymore. Katy Perry's your *favorite*!
Kim: Katy who?

Dave: You sent my friend into a tiger patch?

Dave: They hate us because they ain't us!

Dave: CUNT PUNCH THAT BITCH

Dave: Welcome to the jungle, baby, welcome to the jungle. Na na na knees.

Dave: [on Kim] Look! Look at this butt-fuck! He's got a whole parade of nukes! He's ready to use them.