The Best Antony Royle Quotes

Antony: [referring to Nana] Dad, has she really got a load of antiques?
Jim: Has she, my arse!

Antony: Hey, Dad.
Jim: [grunting] Hm?
Antony: Where were you when Kennedy was shot? Because everyone's supposed to remember where they were.
Jim: Kennedy dead? When?
[everyone laughs]
Jim: I don't know where the bloody hell I was--but wherever I was, there's a bloody good chance our immersion heater was on!

Dave: 'Ey, I'm rough today, me, me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.
Jim: I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you?
Antony: How d'ya know if it's a bad pint?
Dave: Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle.
Jim: Where did you go?
Dave: Pear Tree.
Jim: Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.
Dave: Well, I know that now, don't I?
Jim: Bloody hell. He doesn't clean his pumps him.
Antony: No, actually the lager's all right.
Jim: How would you know, soft lad?
Antony: Dad, I'm 15.
Jim: 'Ey! Listen, if I ever catch you in The Feathers, I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep!
Dave: I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.

Barbara: Get the door, will ya, Antony?
Antony: I have to do everything around here!
Jim: It's probably Snow White looking for you, Grumpy!

Barbara: Antony, go and put that bin out, love. That chicken will start to stink if we leave it.
Antony: Mam! I've just sat down. What about lazy-arse here?
[points to Denise]
Barbara: Hey! There's too much swearing in this house. That's you, that is, Jim. You taught them that.
Jim: Taught them, my arse!

Barbara: [talking about Cheryl] Have you asked her to be bridesmaid?
Denise: Aw, yeah, aw, she was thrilled.
Jim: Bridesmaid, my arse, she'll look like a bloody Easter egg on legs.
Antony: Yeah, and the only reason you're having her as a bridesmaid is to make you look better.
Denise: Get lost, Antony!
Barbara: Is she really on a diet?
Denise: Yeah.
Barbara: D'ya think she'll ever get married?
Antony: Who'd have her?
Jim: Stevie Wonder.
Antony: [laughs] Yeah.

Antony: Who's stunk that toilet out?
Barbara: Who d'ya think?
Jim: Well, that's what it's for isn't it? Where d'you expect me to shit? You'd soon have something to worry about if I crapped in the kitchen.

Barbara: Antony, take that chicken out to the bins, will you, love? That chicken will start to stink if we leave it out.
Antony: Mam, I've just sat down,
[points at Jim]
Antony: what about lazy-arse here?
Barbara: 'Ey! There's to much swearing in this house.
[turns to Jim]
Barbara: That's you, that is, Jim, you've taught him that!
Jim: Taught him my arse!

Antony: [as Antony talks about fighting the Beswick brothers] They're hard, them two, when they're together. All right?
Jim: Well, wait till they're on their own, and give them a bloody good hiding.
Antony: Well, they're never on their own, are they?
Jim: Why, they don't shit out the one arsehole, do they?