The Best Broots Quotes

Miss: Since when do you hate to fly?
Broots: I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf.

Broots: Mrs. Parker thats a wall!
Miss: Yeah, and this is a rental.

Broots: [to Sydney who's on the phone with Jarod] Keep talkin' to him, we almost got him!
Jarod: [Jarod flips a switch to turn on a high pitched noise and force Broots off the tracking] Tell Broots I discovered Radio Shack.

Broots: [to Miss Parker] Is today your birthday? How old are you?
[Miss Parker glares at him]
Broots: Young, I'm sure.

Sydney: Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots.
Broots: Sydney.
Miss: You're looking... refreshed.
Sydney: New underpants will do that to you.
[Miss Parker and Broots look at each other silently]
Miss: Sydney, you made a funny.
Sydney: Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date.
Broots: You had a date!
Miss: [to Broots] That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard.
[to Sydney]
Miss: So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are *your* underpants?

[Sydney is on the phone with Jarod and Broots is trying to trace the call]
Broots: Keep talking. We've almost got him.
[Jarod flips a switch on a box near his phone, causing a high-pitched sound to terminate any sort of trace to his phone]
Jarod: Tell Broots I discovered RadioShack.

Broots: Have you ever gone to church?
Miss: With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be.
Broots: Or the first.

Miss: Call the hotel and book us some rooms for this shindig.
[puts unlit cigarette in mouth]
Broots: Oh, Jarod already did.
[Miss Parker lights cigarette]
Broots: They're, uh, non-smoking rooms.
Miss: [takes drag and smiles] Perfect.
[exhales smoke]

Broots: I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street.

Sydney: You believe someone stole your mother's body?
Miss: Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.
Broots: Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...
Miss: And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.

Broots: I'm tellin' you, all the weirdness around here is courtesy of Mr. Skin Grafts himself.

Broots: What died down here?
Miss: What didn't?

Broots: I found something bizarre.
Miss: What, like hair on your head?
Broots: No, that would be fantasy. This is real.

Broots: Miss Parker!
[hugs Miss Parker]
Miss: Do you want me to hurt you?

Broots: You know the rumor that JFK was kept alive as a vegetable somewhere? Buzzie claims it was right here in SL-18.
Miss: Yeah, next to the alien corpses Nixon showed Jackie Gleason.
Broots: That was here too?

Broots: Actually Ms. Parker, I don't think we're in Kansas any more.