The Best Dan Jenkins Quotes

Doug: There are no restrictions on damming a river?
Dan: Beavers do it all the time.

Malcolm: That is impressive! You're making quite the splash in Montana, aren't you?
Teal: Now that's smart, making the casino separate from the hotel, right? And what are these? Are these houses?
Dan: Yeah.
Malcolm: A planned second home community with it's own hotel and casino. Now that is smart. Utterly classless. But smart.
Malcolm: You must be the guy.
Dan: What guy would that be?
Malcolm: The guy that fucked with John Dutton.
Malcolm: I understand learning not to do that was a... painful lesson.
Dan: So you're friends with John Dutton, huh?
Malcolm: We know of him.
Teal: Oh, we've never met him.
Malcolm: You see, thriving in Montana is all about staying in your lane. We don't go in his and he's never been in ours, but you have.
Dan: Now how did I do that?
Malcolm: Partnering with an Indian tribe opening an off-reservation casino.
Teal: Oh, but it won't be off-reservation for long. Because annexing this land into the rez is the first thing that he's going to do.
Malcolm: I assume he purchased the land instead of leasing. And I assume he's paying you the profits? Oh, well... Any money you've received was an advance on construction, which he will want back as soon as he nullifies your agreement.
Teal: Just a guess, but... That's what we'd do. If we were trying to steal from you.
Dan: Rocky Mountain Gas and Casino. That's owned by the Beck Brothers. I'm assuming that that's you. I'm just guessing that you don't like competition. Well, let me tell you something, you red-necked fucks! I'm so tired of you bullies with your bolo ties and Lucchese boots. If you got a problem, file. Take me to court. I'll take the Pepsi challenge with your backwoods lawyer any day of the fuckin' week.
Teal: You know, in addition to running Rocky Mountain, my brother's also the head of the Montana Liquor Board. Now do you recall applying for your liquor license through us, right?
Malcolm: I will be revoking that tomorrow. And, of course, I will never issue one for this new venture.
Teal: And that is just the beginning of how we're gonna fuck with you.
Malcolm: I suggest you find a way to extricate yourself from this deal.
Teal: And make a new deal with us. Hell, we'd love to build a casino here.
Malcolm: Well, you got lots to think about.
Teal: Think fast.
Dan: Fuckers. This town, fuckin' place. You wanna play dirty, let's play fucking dirty!

Dan: You ever hear of the Beck brothers?
Thomas: The Beck brothers?
Dan: Yeah, yeah, the Beck brothers.
Rainwater's: Yeah, they own about 300 gas stations with slot machines.
Doug: One of the brothers controls the sale of liquor licenses.
Dan: That could be a real problem. They don't want our casino to happen.
Thomas: The casino's mine. Your hotel won't need their liquor license. Once we annex the land, the state has no control over anything we do.
Doug: We didn't agree to annexing the land.
Thomas: You don't need to... we own the land now.
Dan: That wasn't part of the deal...
Thomas: That's exactly the deal, Dan. And for you, it's priceless. There's no county permits to build. The gaming license comes from the Tribal Gaming Commission, as does your liquor license, your permit to operate, and your hotel license... When you sold me the land, Dan, I gave you freedom from oversight.
Doug: Sidestepping those regulations is going to anger a lot of people. That puts him in danger. Both of you.
Thomas: That's why I have Mo. Who do you have? Surely you've learned by now... we're the only ones playing by the rules.
Dan: What are you saying? You saying I need security?
Thomas: You've needed it for a while, Dan. You should've learned that, too.
Thomas: [Addressing Press Conference] 150 years ago, our people called this land home. We drank from its rivers, we hunted its valleys, we cared for our dead in these forests, we prayed on these mountains. This was our home. And it nourished us. You understand our contract with the reservation is invalidated the moment they annex this land.
Doug: You familiar with the term Indian giver? Well this is the opposite.
Ben: The word you're looking for is justice.
Thomas: By the power vested in me, I claim this land as property of the Nation of Confederated Tribes at Broken Rock.
Dan: If he doesn't keep his word, I lose everything.
Doug: If you were him, would you keep your word?
Dan: It's worth the risk if he is telling the truth. Trusting him is not a business strategy.
Thomas: Dan! Come do the honors.
Doug: Great, now he's asking you to dig your own fucking grave.
Thomas: This is the beginning of something very special, Dan. You watch what a difference we make.
Marcus: Any endeavor that raises my people's profile is a good one, but I wonder... how many casinos do we need? Is this the right path for our future?
News: Are you challenging Chairman Rainwater's leadership?
Marcus: I'm challenging his outlook, and what's best for our people as a whole, instead of a select few.