The Best Dean Wesley Allister Quotes

Dean: These shoes I'm wearing, with their "unique footprint" - we all have them. They were the departmental gift this Christmas. They're actually very funny. They have Achilles printed on the heel.
Jake: I don't know if I would call that "very" funny.

Jake: But what about the autobiography of Persimminons you were taunting us with?
Dean: I suppose I can see how holding any book would seem like a taunt to you.
Jake: I own a book.