The Best Gloria Mendoza Quotes

Blanca: [in Spanish] This is why I never had kids. The curse of Eve.
Gloria: [in Spanish] You told me it was 'cause Diablo's junk don't work.
Blanca: [in English] Yeah, that too.

Gloria: I need furlough.
Joe: Please, don't make me laugh. I don't want to breathe any harder than I have to.

Gloria: I'm like Columbo but with two real eyes and a better ass.

Gloria: I'm gonna kill her!
Aleida: You're gonna have to be more specific.

Aleida: They tell you to get the GED like it's gonna change anything. How's a GED gonna make me *not a felon*?
Gloria: Shows you're making an effort.
Aleida: Yeah, and I go from unemployable to unemployable with a pat on my back.

Gloria: I miss him! I miss all of them!
Aleida: You want some of mine?
Gloria: You are so stupid.

Dayanara: I hear they're setting up a call center.
Marisol: With my sexy voice, I'll be making mad commissions.
Gloria: Commissions. Right. You get ten percent of nothing on every nothing you nothing.

Dayanara: Wow! This is a big knife.
Gloria: You know what? Why don't you go stir the pot? 'Coz you're good at that.

Gloria: You get to go find your kids. You get to fuck 'em up yourself instead of having someone do it for you.

Joe: Inmate Mendoza, glad you could join us. What's on the menu today?
Gloria: Food.