20 Best Ken Jeong Quotes

Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat!

Travis: Thank you all for coming in today. If you're in this room, it's because you're one of the top bounty hunters or private investigators on the island.
Luther H. Gillis: Well, Thomas Magnum's here, too.
[he laughs, but no one else does]
Luther H. Gillis: Just... tough crowd.

[from trailer]
Mr. Chow: So long, bitches!
[goes on a paraglider]
Mr. Chow: I believe I can fly... I love cocaine!

Stu: We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow. This will knock them out for hours.
Mr. Chow: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked for PETA. What a pussy.

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Mr. Chow: We do a deal! I make good wife for you!

Stu: That is not Doug.
Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!
Stu: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... it's...
Alan: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

Luther H. Gillis: You go from a red Ferrari to a turquoise Vespa? You realize P.I.s are supposed to be inconspicuous, right?
Thomas: I take what I can get.
Luther H. Gillis: Not me. My Honda Accord was voted most boring car by at least four different websites.
Willa: If you didn't notice, he's proud of that fact.

Alan: When we get together, bad things happen and people get hurt.
Mr. Chow: Yeah, that's the point! It's funny!

Wye: Let me get this straight. You both went to the same school. Yet someone came back with a degree that's useful, and the other one came back as Asian Ellen.

Victoria: Oh my God, this is just like that movie with Kathy Bates from the Stephen King novel of the same name.
Dr. Kang: 'Fried Green Tomatoes'?
Narrator: [to the camera] Ooh, sorry, that's wrong. The response we wanted was "What is 'Misery'?" Everybody knows that 'Fried Green Tomatoes' is from the novel by Fannie Flagg,
Dr. Kang: Stop breaking the fourth wall, Trebek.
Narrator: [backing away] Easy does it. Easy. Easy.
Victoria: He is such a know-it-all.
Dr. Kang: Tell me about it.

Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!

Chris: [Michael is at his improv class. He recently had all his "guns" taken away by Chris] Freeze.
Michael: I'm in.
Chris: Do you want to go over the rules one more time?
Michael: No, no, no, no.
[He taps MaryBeth and kneels next to Bill]
Michael: I'm looking in my wallet for some money so you can tell me my fortune.
Bill: [Bill continues with Michael's set-up, miming a crystal ball] I promise it's worth it. Ooh, I can see you walking out of here and you're thrilled with your reading.
Michael: What are you-
[He pauses, and then whispers in Bill's ear. Bill raises his hands in the air]
Chris: Michael, what did you tell him?
Michael: Nothing.
Chris: Then why are his hands up? Bill?
Bill: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.

Butch: My name is Butch Johnson from 5 Green Lane, Plymouth, Indiana, zip 46563-3781. I like shooting hoops and Ms. Kelly Ripa. But seriously, anyone seen anything to do with launch codes?

[the Wolf Pack is in a fight with cockerels]
Mr. Chow: Hold still, I'm trying to help!
[fires a gun wildly]
Stu: Are you out of your mind?

Mr. Chow: [hang-gliding off of Caeser's Palace] I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! Think about it every night and day! Spread my wings and fly away!

Travis: Your job is to track down a man named Skip Jenkins. These dossiers have everything you need to know about him. He skipped bail, and I have 24 hours to bring him in.
Thomas: Uh, wait, so a guy named Skip skipped bail?
Luther H. Gillis: [everyone laughs] Really? My joke was way funnier than that.

Mr. Chow: Who sent you?
Phil: No one! No. We just wanted to see you!
Mr. Chow: Liar! No one wants to see Chow!

Mr. Chow: You got something to say to me now, blue-eyes? No more silent treatment?

Johnny: Get a Goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!