The Best Mr. Chow Quotes

Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat!

Alan: When we get together, bad things happen and people get hurt.
Mr. Chow: Yeah, that's the point! It's funny!

Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!

[the Wolf Pack is in a fight with cockerels]
Mr. Chow: Hold still, I'm trying to help!
[fires a gun wildly]
Stu: Are you out of your mind?

Mr. Chow: Who sent you?
Phil: No one! No. We just wanted to see you!
Mr. Chow: Liar! No one wants to see Chow!

Stu: That is not Doug.
Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!
Stu: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... it's...
Alan: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

Mr. Chow: You got something to say to me now, blue-eyes? No more silent treatment?

[from trailer]
Mr. Chow: So long, bitches!
[goes on a paraglider]
Mr. Chow: I believe I can fly... I love cocaine!

Phil: What the fuck is wrong with those chickens?
Mr. Chow: They're angry. All I feed them is cocaine. And chicken.

Mr. Chow: You want Chow spirit hang over you when you make fuck on your wife?

Mr. Chow: We do a deal! I make good wife for you!

[the Wolf Pack wake up in a honeymoon suite]
Stu: [sees he has implants] I have boobies now!
Cassie: [laughs] Oh my God...
Phil: [laughs] Holy shit!
Stu: It's not funny! Alan, what did you do? What did you do, Alan?
Alan: The wedding cake... it was from Leslie...
[Chow enters, naked and brandishing a sword]
Mr. Chow: [laughs] We had a sick night, bitches!
[the monkey jumps back on Stu]

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Mr. Chow: [hang-gliding off of Caeser's Palace] I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! Think about it every night and day! Spread my wings and fly away!

Stu: We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow. This will knock them out for hours.
Mr. Chow: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked for PETA. What a pussy.

Alan: Leslie, get down from there! Please, you're gonna hurt yourself!
Mr. Chow: Nothing hurts Chow. I am invisible!
Phil: It's invincible, and you're not, you're just out of your fucking mind!