100 Best Lwaxana Troi Quotes

Commander William T. Riker: I'm sorry they startled you, Mrs. Troi. They're Antedean delegates; they're being stored here temporarily.
Lwaxana: Delegates? Last time I saw something like that it was being served on a plate.

Dr. Timicin: Fifteen to twenty centuries ago, we had no Resolution. We had no such concern for our elders. As people aged, they... their health failed. They became invalids. And those whose families could no longer care for them were put away, into... deathwatch facilities, where they waited in loneliness for the end to come, sometimes... for years. They had meant something; and they were forced to live beyond that, into a time of meaning nothing. Of knowing that they could now only be the beneficiaries of younger people's patience. We are no longer that cruel, Lwaxana.
Lwaxana: No, no, you're not cruel to them, you just kill them.

- You're gonna meet new friends and have adventures that you can't even imagine yet.
- I hope you're right, geordi.
Lwaxana: [thinking] Oh, little one.
- Tog's given me something perfectly hideous to wear.
- He says it flatters my beauty.

Counselor: What stage is it in?
Lwaxana: Oh, I have it completely under control.
Counselor: What stage is it in?
Lwaxana: Well, far enough along for me to enjoy it, little one.
Counselor: Now I know why you wore that dress.
Lwaxana: Wha...? Don't be ridiculous. This simple little dress? Nothing provocative about it.
Counselor: What are we going to do?
Lwaxana: Well, I'm going to do the only honorable thing there is to do - and I'd say your captain has the inside track.
Counselor: Mother, don't even think it.
Lwaxana: Why not? He was thinking about it all through dinner.
Captain: [Lwaxana walks off. Deanna sighs and follows. Cut to minutes later in Picard's ready room] I was what? I tell you, Deanna, for a telepath, your mother's accuracy leaves much to be desired.

Lwaxana: Where are we?
- From the smell of things,
- I'd say we're aboard a ferengi vessel.
- The ferengi can't do that.
- You're starfleet officers.
- Tog must not have read that chapter in the ferengi book of etiquette.
- Enterprise?
- Must be too far out of range.
Lwaxana: Oh.

Lwaxana: You realize of course that with Betazoids, our ability to read the thoughts of others does see us grow much faster than the typical, plodding Human.

Lieutenant: The boy is unreasonable.
Lwaxana: Well, of course he's unreasonable. He's a child!

Counselor: Mother.
Lwaxana: GET AWAY FROM HERE!

Lwaxana: Mr. Homm... spread it!

Lwaxana: You've got to enjoy life, relax, like I do. Find yourself the right man. Think of your future. Hm - think of *my* future.

Lwaxana: Life's true gift is the capacity to enjoy enjoyment.

Captain: Counselor, can you hear me?
Counselor: [looking around] Captain?
Captain: Deanna, Dr. Crusher has become concerned that your paracortical readings have become erratic.
Counselor: Are you talking to me from Sick Bay?
Captain: Yes. I want you to sever your connection to your mother.
Counselor: Why don't you ask Maques to do it?
Captain: I'm asking you. That is an order, Counselor.
Counselor: You're not Captain Picard.
Lwaxana: [through Picard; begging] Leave me alone, please.
[Deanna leaves]

Poet: Every moment requires a purpose.
Lwaxana: [whispers to Alexander] No, it doesn't.
Poet: Every purpose requires a plan.
Juggler: He does this every day, usually while everyone's food is getting cold.
[yawns]
Juggler: It's rather boring.
Poet: The higher, the fewer
Lwaxana: Well, that's a conversation stopper if I ever heard one.

Lwaxana: Your planet has what, thirty, forty years left? What if your scientists can't find the answer without you? What then? What chance do you think your grandson has of reaching the age of sixty?
Dr. Timicin: Enough, please! It is my time, Lwaxana. And that is the way it is.
Lwaxana: Well, if that's the way it is, I don't know why anyone's bothering to try to save your planet at all. If its time has come, let it die. Where is the difference, Timicin? Where?

Captain: Uh, Dr. Timicin, allow me to present Lwaxana Troi of Betazed. She's also a guest on board...
Lwaxana: And daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir of the Holy Rings of Betazed, and what are you doing for dinner?
Dr. Timicin: [looks quizzically at Picard] Well, I... don't know, really...
Captain: Er, Lwaxana, we have quite a bit of work planned...
Lwaxana: Well, the man's never been on board a starship before, Jean-Luc. Certainly, somebody ought to make him comfortable before you get started.
Captain: Well, it seems that Mrs. Troi is our acting ambassador of goodwill for today.
Lwaxana: You just think of me as your entertainment director.
[the three leave the transporter room]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [to O'Brien] That man's in a lot of trouble.

- Hedril, be careful.
- Who is hedril?
- Wait. I want to talk to you.
Lwaxana: Help me.
- Help me.

Lwaxana: [of the Antedeans] I still say they look better in sauce.

Lwaxana: No, no, no, don't tell me: you're the Captain!
Captain: Of course, your daughter has explained your telepathic abilities.
Lwaxana: No, that wasn't telepathy, it was just common sense. Who else would they send to greet me but the Captain?

Lwaxana: Deanna, I love you, but you do make everything sound like an epitaph.

- and that's what I intend to do.
- It's a pity.
- Duty calls, darling.
- But I'll be back for you later.
- Picard: Mrs. Troi, there is something you ought to know about Rex.
Lwaxana: Oh?

Lwaxana: I have a new love, Jean-Luc. And you can't keep killing all my lovers. Now, that simply has to stop.
DaiMon: [alarmed] Killing?
Lwaxana: Oh, he's insanely jealous.

Lieutenant: Mrs. Troi... I must protest your unauthorized presence on the bridge!
Lwaxana: [pointing to tactical console] What does that little one do Mr. Woof?
Lieutenant: Please Madame! That's is a torpedo launch initiator and it's - it is Worf madame, not Woof.

Lwaxana: [telepathically, of Riker] Is he still yours?
Counselor: [telepathically] Humans no longer own each other that way, Mother.
Lwaxana: Really? That's a custom we may have to introduce again.

Lwaxana: Now, that's more like it. Your thoughts, they're primal, savage. I like that in a man.
Lieutenant: I am not a man!

- Mommy, please?
- No, kestra. We're gonna eat in just a few minutes.
Lwaxana: Here. What's wrong?
- What's wrong, little one?
- Tell mommy what's wrong.
- Ian, I think she's teething.
- Now, where's her ring?

Lwaxana: Oh! I should have known. Even their transporters can't be trusted.
[after the Ferengi have beamed her and Deanna out of their clothes]

Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc! What naughty thoughts - but how wonderful you still think of me like that.

Lwaxana: If Tog were a kitten, he'd be purring.

Counselor: You have to let it go.
Lwaxana: [sobbing] How can I? I let her die!

Counselor: Milton was speculating that in heaven, roses wouldn't have thorns.
Hedril: Heaven?
Counselor: Oh. Oh, uh, heaven is, well, it's um... how can I put it?
Maques: [after Lwaxana explains telepathically] Yes, I see. Thank you. "Heaven."
Counselor: Mother, you're supposed to be avoiding telepathy.
Lwaxana: I'm only trying to help, dear.
Counselor: You don't look well.
Lwaxana: I'm just tired. Maybe I'll sit down.
[Sits and watches Hedril play]

Lwaxana: [about to leave the Enterprise] Captain! Even Xelo never had such thoughts about me. You may energize.
[she is beamed away]
Counselor: That was meant as a joke, Captain.
Captain: I was not amused.

- and we 're trying to contact the enterprise.
- But we can't do it without tog's access code.
- Do you think you could manage...?
Lwaxana: Say no more, little one.
- Ah, lwaxana, you and I are going to make such a wonderful team.
- With your telepathy and my cunning,
- I foresee...
- A very profitable future.

DaiMon: Lwaxana Troi, I desire you.
Lwaxana: What?
DaiMon: You see, your Betazoid skills would be very useful to me, and I find you very attractive. I am willing to pay handsomely for you.
Lwaxana: I don't believe this.
DaiMon: You must be aware that every female has her price.
Lwaxana: Let's get one thing straight, little man. I am not for sale. And if, by some chance, I were to become available, I would rather eat Orion wing-slugs than deal with a toad-faced TROLL like you! So go away and find yourself somebody else to become your property!

Counselor: [about Lwaxana] I was all set for another round of arguing when all of a sudden, she just fell apart.
Commander William T. Riker: She's under a lot of stress. She's preparing the Cairn to meet with the Federation Council.
Counselor: It's more than that. I'm sensing some very erratic emotions from her. Even the clothes she's wearing are unusual. They're so subdued.
Commander William T. Riker: [takes Deanna's wrist] Maybe you just need sit and talk with her for a minute.
Lwaxana: Commander! Take your hands off her!
[Takes his hand off Deanna]
Commander William T. Riker: [Surprised] Mrs. Troi...
Lwaxana: Don't you "Mrs. Troi" me!
Counselor: Mother!
Lwaxana: Why don't you leave her alone? If it weren't for you, she'd be married by now!
Counselor: That's enough!
Lwaxana: Now, I am warning you - stay away from my daughter!
Counselor: You're coming with me.

Lwaxana: The matter is settled. Mr. Homn will conduct the joining.
Steven: But Comm... But Homn can't even talk!
Lwaxana: No matter, he is highly adept in the art of sign language.

Counselor: I'm sorry, and I didn't mean to get so upset with you at the reception.
Lwaxana: Oh, no. Deanna, try to understand. You're all I have. My only concern is for your happiness.
Counselor: I am happy. Why can't you believe that?
Lwaxana: Oh, I wish I could, but how much happiness is there in always being there for someone else and never being there for yourself?

Lwaxana: [to Deanna] You poor dear, don't they ever let you change those colorless outfits?

Lieutenant: Captain, we are being hailed by a small transport vessel just coming into range.
Counselor: [horrified] Oh, my God.
Captain: What's the problem?
Counselor: What's she doing here?
Wesley: On screen, Captain.
Transporter: Starship Enterprise, come in.
Commander William T. Riker: We have you on viewer, pilot.
Transporter: Enterprise, I have a passenger, a VIP passenger who I more...
Lwaxana: [shoving the pilot aside] Oh, let me talk to them. I'm sure I'm more articulate than that.
Counselor: Mother.

- We could still profit from this.
- I don't know.
- A true daimon would not be blinded by lust.
- Give her to me.
- Or I may be forced to report your transgressions.
- Very well, take her.
Lwaxana: Oh.

Lwaxana: Alexander, my little warrior!

DaiMon: Captain Picard, so good of you to meet us. We were on our way to Betazed to return our guests.
Captain: Of course you were, DaiMon. But you're still holding Lwaxana Troi.
Lwaxana: When will you get it through your thick head that it's over between us, Jean-Luc?
Counselor: [after having the transmission muted] I think I know what she's doing. You have to fight to get her back, Captain.
Captain: [Re-opening the transmission] Er, er. It's not over between us, Lwaxana. You're mine and I will not let you go. I insist you return to my side immediately.
Lwaxana: You mean, you still care?
Captain: My love is a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease.
Lwaxana: Tell me more.
Captain: In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, for they in thee a thousand errors see. But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, who in despite of view are please'd to dote. Shall I compare the to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
DaiMon: You didn't tell me that you and Captain Picard were...
Lwaxana: You said you didn't want to hear about my other romances.
Lwaxana: I have a new love, Jean-Luc. And you can't keep killing all my lovers. That simply has to stop.
DaiMon: Killing?
Lwaxana: Oh, he's insanely jealous.
Captain: Listen, Tog, I must possesses Lwaxana. And if that means destroying your ship in the process, so be it.
DaiMon: Captain, I had no idea Lwaxana was...
Lwaxana: Don't let him threaten you. You can defeat him.
Lwaxana: [to Picard] The only way you'll ever get me back is over Tog's dead body!
Captain: That can be arranged. Mister Worf, arm phaser banks and photon torpedoes. If Lwaxana Troi is not in my arms in ten seconds, throw everything you've got at the Krayton.
DaiMon: But you will destroy Lwaxana!
Captain: When I have plucked the rose, I cannot give it vital growth again. It needs must wither. Nine, eight. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Seven, six.
DaiMon: No, wait.
Captain: Five, four.
DaiMon: Beam her to their Bridge, now!
Captain: Two, one.

- She is listed as representing the betazed government at the conference.
- Mother, please, don't do this to me.
Lwaxana: Do what to you, little one?
- Oh, Jean-Luc, what naughty thoughts.
- But how wonderful you still think of me like that.

Lwaxana: I am Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed. Who are you?

Captain: [playing the role of Lwaxana's fanatic lover] My love... is a fever, longing still, For that which longer nurseth the disease.
Lwaxana: Tell me more.
Captain: In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, For they in thee a thousand errors see; But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, Who, in despite of view, are pleased to dote. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Hedril: [as Kestra trying to put a leash on a dog] Help me. Help me, Papa.
Cmdr. Ian Andrew Troi: Here.
Lwaxana: [in background; begging] Please, don't make me go through this again.
Cmdr. Ian Andrew Troi: Now hold on to him. Don't let him run off.
Hedril: I will. Mommy, can we go play by the water?
Lwaxana: [from background] No, Kestra, stay here with us.
Hedril: Please.

Lwaxana: Aren't you going to mingle, Mr. Woof?
Lieutenant: I do not care for telepaths; they make me... uneasy.
Lwaxana: Oh, don't worry. The Cairn couldn't read your thoughts even if they wanted to. Your brain isn't sophisticated enough.
[Riker smirks gleefully]
Lwaxana: Neither is yours, dear. They can only communicate with other telepaths.

Lwaxana: So, my little warrior wants to see more out of life than just fighting, eh?
[laughs]
Lwaxana: Oh, the mind opens, and in creeps wisdom.
[laughs and kisses Alexander's forehead]

Lwaxana: Every one of us has a thousand different kinds of... of little people inside of us. And some of them want to get out and be wild, and some want to be sad or happy or inventive or... or even just go dancing. Th-that's why we all have so many different urges at different times. And all those different little people inside of us... we must never be afraid to take them with us, wherever we go. I mean, who knows when we... we may need one of them to pop up and rescue us from ourselves?

Lwaxana: Isn't it wonderful how things worked out, Alexander? I wanted to teach you how to grab the joys of living, and you turned around and, uh... and taught me to not let go of them. How very mutual.

Lwaxana: You never assume anything where Lwaxana Troi is concerned. Betazoid women are full of surprises.

[Picard has rescued Lwaxana from DaiMon Tog]
Lwaxana: Thank you, Jean-Luc. You were most convincing. You certainly convinced me.
Captain: I am truly grateful, Mrs. Troi, that you risked your life to save my people. I'll have you home in a few hours.
Lwaxana: Oh, no, no, no, no, that won't be necessary. I'd just love to hear more of your poetry.
Captain: [disentangling himself from Lwaxana] Uhh... Perhaps another time. Please.
[offers her his chair, then walks up to Wesley at the helm]
Captain: Mr. Crusher, set course for Betazed.
Captain: [low voice] Warp nine.

[Dr. Timicin is about to return to his planet, when Lwaxana Troi enters the transporter room]
Lwaxana: It is the custom for your loved ones to join you at this... Resolution, is it not?
Dr. Timicin: You do not have to do this.
Lwaxana: Yes, I do.

Dr. Timicin: The Resolution is a celebration of life. It allows us to end our lives with dignity.
Lwaxana: Ah, a celebration of life. Sounds very noble, very caring. What you're really saying is, you got rid of the problem by getting rid of the people.

Lwaxana: My life has been full.
[sighs]
Lwaxana: Now and then, perhaps it's overflowed a little.

Lwaxana: The women of Betazed used to wear these enormous wigs with large holes in the center for tiny caged creatures.
Dr. Timicin: Yes?
Lwaxana: First, it was a fashion. Then it went on long enough to become a custom, a tradition. But it was uncomfortable for the woman and cruel to the animal. So, then, one day, one very formidable woman finally said so, refused to ever wear another of those wigs. Fairly soon, the custom stopped. She had the courage to stand up and fight for change.
Dr. Timicin: She must have been a lot like you.

Lwaxana: Do you forgive me?
DaiMon: Yes, but with your powers, we could be a formidable team.
[begins lowering her sleeve]
Lwaxana: [quickly grabs his hand feigning attraction] My, you have great strength in your hands.
DaiMon: And you like that?
Lwaxana: [sighs] I've always admired strong males.
DaiMon: You are beautiful. It is impossible for me to resist you.
Lwaxana: Then, uh...
[clears throat]
Lwaxana: ... don't.
[they awkwardly kiss; cuts to Deanna grimacing in disgust]

Lwaxana: [after she has been beamed from the Ferengi ship Krayton to the Enterprise and is sitting on Picard's knee] You wonderfully jealous fool, you.
DaiMon: Captain, I trust there will be no further action taken against us?
Captain: Such as my reporting this incident to your superiors who may question your competency as DaiMon? I will think about it. Screen off.
Lwaxana: Thank you, Jean-Luc. You were most convincing. You certainly convinced me.
Captain: I am truly grateful, Mrs. Troi, that you risked your life to save my people. I'll have you home within a few hours.
Lwaxana: Oh, no, no, no, no, that won't be necessary. I'd just love to hear more of your poetry.
Captain: Perhaps another time.
Captain: [Standing up] Please. Mister Crusher, set course for Betazed.
Captain: Warp nine!

- Ghostly voice: Help me.
Lwaxana: Help me.
- Mother?
Lwaxana: Help me.

Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [to Hedril] It's called a visor. It enables me to see.
Hedril: Like my vocal enhancer. It helps me make sounds.
Lwaxana: I see you've already met my star pupil. Hedril's picked up spoken language much faster than the others.
Lt. Commander Data: It is often the case that children learn languages more easily than adults.
Lwaxana: Deanna was quite good at languages when she was little. Uh, where is Deanna?
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Well, she must be here somewhere.
Lwaxana: Hedril, darling...?
[Makes strange face]
Hedril: What?
Lwaxana: Um, go find your father, dear. I want to talk to him.
[Puts hand to head]
Lt. Commander Data: Mrs. Troi?
Lwaxana: Oh, I'm just a little tired. Heh. This constant telepathy with the Cairn... um... no, I'm... I'm fine, really.
[Leaves]

[Lwaxana demands from O'Brien to be beamed to the planet, without success]
Lwaxana: I am a Betazoid ambassador, I'm a daughter of the Fifth House, and those people are going to answer to me! So you-you just energize this damned thing and get me down there!
Counselor: He can't, Mother. He has his orders.
Lwaxana: His orders don't apply to *me*!
Counselor: No - they apply to him.

Lwaxana: Can you imagine that dreadful little creature talking to me like that? Doesn't he realize that I am the daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed? Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?
Counselor: The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is an old clay pot with mold growing inside it.
Lwaxana: Oh, well, perhaps one day, when you're older and wiser, you'll understand.

Counselor: Mother, don't start.
Lwaxana: I just think it's time for you to settle down, and if your father were still alive, I'm sure he'd say the same thing.
[They enter a turbolift; a crewman is there]
Counselor: Deck eight.
Lwaxana: [Telepathically] But, you 'll do exactly what you want... just like always.
Counselor: [Speaking] Mother, stop it.
[They get a look from the crewman; Mrs. Troi puts her head in her hand as Deanna exits the turbolift]
Counselor: Are you coming?
[Gets here mother]
Counselor: What's wrong?
Lwaxana: [sighs] You are so precious to me. You're all I've got.
[Hugs Deanna]
Lwaxana: If something were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do.
Counselor: Nothing's going to happen to me.

Counselor: [Telepathically] Mother? Can you hear me? Please come back to me. Please.
Lwaxana: [Weakly] Help me...
Counselor: Mother?
Lwaxana: Help... me.
Counselor: How? How can I help you?
[Speaking]
Counselor: Tell me, Mother. Please.

- Troi [thinking]: I don't like the sound of this.
Lwaxana: [thinking] I believe I can control him, little one.
- I'm sure that, uh, we can talk about this.
- Just the two of us.
- A wise choice.
- Farek, leave us.

Kestra: Mommy.
Lwaxana: Kestra. Oh, Kestra. My precious one. I'm so sorry.
[they hug; Lwaxana sobs]
Kestra: I have to go now.
Lwaxana: [crying] I know. I know.
[Kestra fades away; Lwaxana takes Deanna's hand]

Counselor: Mother, I'm trying to help the boy learn the value of responsibility. You're not helping by giving him a lot of mixed messages.
Lwaxana: I exposed you to all sorts of mixed messages when you were that age. You still turned out deadly dull. What are you so worried about?
Counselor: Among other things, his relationship with his father.
Lwaxana: Oh!
Counselor: No more holodeck, Mother.
Lwaxana: Oh...
Counselor: Please. Anyway, why aren't you all absorbed in your wedding plans? It's only three days away.
Lwaxana: I'm letting Mr. Homn handle all the mundane details. He knows my tastes.
Counselor: Mother...
Lwaxana: Deanna, there is absolutely nothing to do, you nosy little girl. Campio's already sent me his mother's wedding gown, which Mr. Homn is now altering for me. Outside of that, there really isn't anything else that I...
Counselor: Wedding gown? Mother, stop. You're telling me you're not going to be naked at your own wedding?
Lwaxana: Campio is from a different planet with different traditions. He would not approve of a traditional Betazoid wedding, so I am happily adapting. Now, it's as simple as that, and I need some tea.
Counselor: I can't believe I'm hearing this from the heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx.
Lwaxana: Oh! Oh, why can't I ever work this replicator?
Counselor: Mother, I think it's time to talk about this mysterious marriage to a man you've never met.
Lwaxana: Computer, some Jestral tea, please.
[turns from replicator to Deanna]
Lwaxana: Oh, anyway, why shouldn't I get married if I choose to? You make everything into such a mystery. There is no mystery, Deanna,
[turns to get tea]
Lwaxana: except about this... this Petrokian sausage. The tea - all I wanted was a cup of tea.
[takes sausage out of cup]
Lwaxana: Oh, dear, I think you're replicator's having a... a nervous collapse. Oh...
[takes a drink of tea]

Lwaxana: Now, if we're to be real friends, we've got to share only the truth.
Alexander: Why?
Lwaxana: Well, for one thing, it's easier. When you tell the truth, you never have to remember later what you lied about.

Lwaxana: You know, making little boys reasonable only gives them pimples.

Lwaxana: Aaah, Heavenly! Every pore of my body tingles with contentment.

Commander William T. Riker: DaiMon Tog, I thought the Krayton left orbit hours ago.
DaiMon: It did. But when I tried to get the image of Lwaxana Troi out of mind, I could not succeed.
[gives Lwaxana flowers]
Lwaxana: [takes them and tosses them over her shoulder] This is ludicrous. You mean, you came all the way back to Betazed for me?

- Troi: You're scheming something, mother.
- Don't try to fool me. I can tell.
Lwaxana: You're always so melodramatic, little one.
- I'm not scheming. I'm deciding.
- Troi: Mother, not him.
Lwaxana: And why not him?
- He's adorable.

Lwaxana: Jean-Luc, you delicious man...!

Counselor: Whatever happened to Mr. Xelo?
Lwaxana: Oh, I was forced to terminate his employment. Xelo was strongly attracted to me; his thoughts became truly pornographic!

Counselor: You're scheming something, Mother. Don't try to fool me, I can tell.
Lwaxana: You're always so melodramatic, little one. I'm not scheming. I'm deciding.

Lwaxana: Now, look, Demon Tog, or whatever you call yourself...

[Worf and Alexander enter to ask for Deanna's help in forming their father-son contract]
Counselor: Alexander, this is my mother.
Lwaxana: Alexander? What a wonderful name! You know, I once knew a tall, handsome warrior named Alexander. Oh, he utterly adored me and we went everywhere - simply everywhere. Have you been anywhere y... Contract? What contract?
Counselor: Between father and son, a fair and balanced way to achieve a mutual sense of order.
Lwaxana: [to Alexander] Well, how ghastly for you.
[to Worf]
Lwaxana: And you are doing this to your own child, Mr. Woof?
Counselor: Mother!
Lieutenant: It is "Worf," madam.
Lwaxana: Contracts are usually between people who don't really trust one another. A child who is trusted becomes worthy of that trust.

Lwaxana: Oh, I don't know what got into me. Ohh... please, tell Will how sorry I am.
Dr. Beverly Crusher: You're fine, but you're psilosynine levels are a little low.
Lwaxana: Psilo... wha - hmm?
Counselor: It's a neurotransmitter involved in telepathy.

Lwaxana: Variety, my little Alex. The great secret is not the variety of life. It's the variety of us.

Lwaxana: [arguing with Deanna about getting married] You had your chance with Commander Riker. Look how you ruined that.
Counselor: I did not ruin anything! We've become very good friends.
Lwaxana: Well, all the better; you certainly wouldn't wanna marry an enemy.

Alexander: [referring to two holo-characters] Why are they arguing?
Juggler: They're friends. They love contradiction. They, they thrive on challenge. They flourish in conflict.
Alexander: Then why are they friends?
Lwaxana: Who else're you gonna fight with if not your friends?

Alexander: I'm supposed to do everything right all the time. I don't know how.
Lwaxana: [sighs] To tell you the truth, little warrior... neither do I.

Wyatt: Mrs. Troi, can I talk to you about something serious?
Lwaxana: But I'm always serious, dear boy. Only my pleasant nature makes it appear otherwise.

Lwaxana: You've been slack, little one - allowed your mental powers to rust.
Counselor: Only to avoid confusion, Mother. Humans constantly think one thing and say another.
Lwaxana: Yes, they do, don't they?

[Lwaxana orders a dish from the replicator]
Dr. Timicin: What's that?
Lwaxana: Oskoids, a Betazed delicacy.
Dr. Timicin: Looks very interesting.
Lwaxana: Should've tried it while you were still alive; no reason to bother now.

Lwaxana: I-I must admit, when you, uh, first approached me aboard the Enterprise, I was...
[clears her throat in disgust]
Lwaxana: ...intrigued.
DaiMon: You mean revolted.
Lwaxana: Perhaps a little.

[last lines]
Lwaxana: [On the transporter pad, holding hands with Timicin] We are ready, Mister O'Brien.

Lwaxana: Mr. Homn is my valet. He doesn't say much.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [under his breath] How can he?

Lwaxana: My poor plodding little Deanna with her questions, questions, questions. Wherever did you inherit such pedestrian genes?

Lwaxana: I adore diplomacy. Everyone dresses so well!

Lwaxana: My, my, what, uh, big ears you have
[starts rubbing his ears]
Lwaxana: . Has anyone ever told you how attractive they are?
[rolls eyes]
DaiMon: Some females think they are my best feature.
[she looks at him quizzically]
DaiMon: No one has ever given me oo-mox like this before.
Lwaxana: Oo-mox?
DaiMon: There's no translation, but the ear is one of our most erogenous zones.
[she becomes alarmed; he doesn't notice]

[Lwaxana Troi explains to Picard the Cairn's form of telepathy, who transmit images rather than words]
Lwaxana: Actually, it's a very efficient way of communicating. If two Cairn were having this conversation, it would have been over minutes ago!
Captain: [feigning interest] Really?

Lwaxana: Wyatt, tell me something seriously: which of these would look best on me naked?

Lwaxana: [begging] Go.
Counselor: Mother?
Lwaxana: [begging] Go away.
Counselor: No. I want to help you. Why did you delete parts of your journal? Did something happen to you you don't want me to know about?
Lwaxana: [begging] Leave me alone, please.
Counselor: Who's Hedril, Mother? Why is she here? Is Hedril me, when I was a little girl?
Lwaxana: [miserably] No. Oh, no. I'd never let anything happen to you. Never.
Counselor: Did you let something happen to someone?

[Lwaxana Troi is beamed aboard in a kneeling position]
Lwaxana: [looking down] Legs! Where are the legs?
Counselor: Where they belong, Mother - right under you.

Lwaxana: [crying] Every morning, she woke up with a smile.
Counselor: Isn't it better to remember her like that? I just found out I had a sister I never knew. I'd like to learn what was good and joyous about her - to celebrate her life, not mourn it.
Lwaxana: [crying] How? How can I do that?
Counselor: Kestra was here a few moments ago. Talk to her.
Lwaxana: [scared] No. No.

Lwaxana: Alexander, now life's true gift is the capacity to enjoy enjoyment. Now - hm! - have I arrived too late, or, uh, can you still smile?
[he smiles, she laughs]

Dr. Timicin: I will say it again. You are a kind woman.
Lwaxana: No, no, I'm a hateful woman. I hate what you're going to do; and I hate you for doing it.

Lwaxana: I really wasn't in any trouble - until I saw this dress! Oohh... ugly, isn't it?
Alexander: What's it for?
Lwaxana: I'm getting married.
Alexander: Why?
Lwaxana: You sure my daughter didn't send you?
[he looks at her]
Lwaxana: Oh, just a joke.

- Please.
Lwaxana: Help me.
- Troi: Mother?
Lwaxana: Help me.
- Troi: How? How can I help you?
- Tell me, mother. Please.

Lwaxana: All right, in case I have to spell it out for you, I am talking about finding a husband, having a child. That's what made me happy. At least, until now.