The Best Marty Quotes

Todd: You guys watch Spider-Man last night? Is it weird if Aunt May gets you kind of hard?
Marty: Not if you're a granny-slammer.

Dave: [bumping into Goth Kid] Ow, watch it.
Goth: Watch me end your life!
Marty: Come on, forget it, it's just one of those dickheads that follows the Motherfucker on Twitter.
Dave: Who?
Marty: The Motherfucker. He's some guy planning to be the world's first super-villain. He's got, like, a thousand followers already.
Dave: What an asshole.

Marty: Well, I became Battle-Guy after my parents were mugged and killed coming home from the opera. Did I tell you that the sick bastard maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?

Marty: It's still blowing my mind. Kick-Ass! It's like finding out your best friend's always been Will Smith.

Dave: Jesus, guys, does it not bug you? Like, thousand of people wanna be Paris Hilton and nobody wants to be Spider-Man.
Marty: Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all.
Todd: Maybe it's a porn tape, He doesn't have a porn tape.
Marty: You guys never saw "One Night In Spider-Man?"

Todd: Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist, who do you think would win in a fight?
Marty: Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.
Todd: [to Katie] What do you think?
Katie: I don't know, but I think Kick-Ass is cuter.
Dave: [laughs] Really?
Katie: Mm-hm. I for one would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.
Dave: You would?
Katie: Definitely.
Dave: You, uhh... you like checkin' out that new Kate Hudson movie where she's, like, a shoe designer, can't get a guy? I think we can make the next showing maybe...
Katie: Hell, yeah.

Todd: Yeah! I think I'm in love with her, dude.
Marty: She looks like she's about eleven years old but...
Todd: I can wait! I solemnly vow to save myself for her.
Marty: I can see this could be really difficult for you.