Top 100 Quotes From Matthew Broderick

Talking: Maybe it's time you stopped asking questions and started having fun.

David: [typing] Is this a game... or is it real?
Joshua: What's the difference?
David: [muttering] Oh wow.
Joshua: You are a hard man to reach. Could not find you in Seattle and no terminal is in operation at your classified address.
David: [typing] What classified address?
Joshua: D.O.D. pension files indicate current mailing as: Dr. Robert Hume, a.k.a. Stephen W. Falken, 5 Tall Cedar Road, Goose Island, Oregon 97...

Rafiki: Look down there.
[Slowly Simba walks to the edge of the watering hole and peers inside. His reflection stares back at him]
Adult: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.
Rafiki: No. Look harder.
[Rafiki touches the water which causes waves that change Simba's reflection into Mufasa]
Rafiki: You see? He lives in you.
Mufasa's: [From above] Simba.
Adult: Father?
Mufasa's: [He appears in the sky as a group of stars] Simba, you have forgotten me.
Adult: No. How could I?
Mufasa's: You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life.
Adult: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa's: [Now fully formed in the sky] Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember who you are.
Adult: [Mufasa's ghost begins to disappear] No! Please, don't leave me!
Mufasa's: Remember.
Adult: Father!
Mufasa's: Remember!
Adult: Don't leave me.
Mufasa's: Remember.

Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.

Audrey: How close did you get to the thing?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: ...I got pretty close.

[first lines]
Title: Robert Gould Shaw, the son of wealthy Boston abolitionists, was 23 years old when he enlisted to fight in the War Between the States. He wrote home regularly, telling his parents of life in the gathering Army of the Potomac. / These letters are collected in the Houghton Library of Harvard University.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Dear Mother, I hope you are keeping well and not worrying much about me. You mustn't think that any of us are going to be killed. They are collecting such a force here, that an attack would be insane. The Massachusetts men passed though here this morning; how grand it is to meet the men from all the States, east and west, ready to fight for their country, as the old fellows did in the Revolution. But this time we must make it a whole country for all who live here, so that all can speak.

Officer: Thelma, how do I look?
Thelma: Like a geek from Kansas who became a security guard.

Scar: [after forcing Simba to the edge of a cliff while a fire burns below] Now this looks familiar. Where have I seen this before? Hm, let me think. Oh, yes, I remember! This is just the way your father looked before he died.
[He claws Simba's paws the same way he did to Mufasa]
Scar: And here's 'my' little secret...
[whispering]
Scar: I killed Mufasa!
Young: [In a flashback] Nooooo!
Adult: [leaps back up and pounces on him] Nooo! Murderer!

Sergeant: I can't believe it, uh... he did all of this and... we did nothing to him.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Ah, that's not true. We fed him.

Maddie: Do you want me to date him, or "date" him?
Laird,52769: Yes!
Laird: Date him!
Allison: Date him!
Laird: Date him hard!
Maddie: I'll date his brains out!

[On the phone]
Ed: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie: I don't understand.
Ed: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie: This is all news to me.
Ed: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie: Nine times?
Ed: Nine times.
Katie: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie: I can't believe it.
Ed: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

John: [has been appointed Sergeant Major] I ain't sure I'm wantin' this, Colonel.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I know exactly how you feel.

Adult: Well...
Timon: Yeah?
Adult: Somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there watching over us.
Pumbaa: Really?
Timon: You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us?
[he and Pumbaa started laughing]
Timon: Who told you something like that?
Adult: Yeah, yeah.
Timon: What mook made that up?
Adult: Yeah. Pretty dumb, huh?
Timon: You're killing me.

[at Scolex Industries]
Gadgetmobile: Can you find the Scolex Building from here, or should I call the police?
Inspector: I am the police!
Penny: Hey, wait! What about me?
Gadgetmobile: You're smarter than he is. Stay in the car.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Before this war began, many of my regiment had never seen a Negro. Now the roads are choked with the dispossessed. We fight for men and women whose poetry is not yet written but which will presently be as enviable and as renowned as any.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: This thing is much too big to be some lost dinosaur.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Good morning gentlemen, I am Colonel Robert Gould Shaw. I am your commanding officer. It is a great pleasure to see you all here today. It is my hope that the same courage, spirit, and honor, which has brought us together, will one day restore this Union. May God bless us all.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Sgt. Mulcahy!
Sgt. Mulcahy: Sir!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I have no doubt you a fair man, Mulcahy. I wonder if you are treating the men a little hard.
[Sgt. Mulcahy pauses]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: You may speak freely.
Sgt. Mulcahy: The boy is a friend of yours, is he?
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Yes, we grew up together
Sgt. Mulcahy: Let him grow up some more.

Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.
Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron: You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.

Stephen: The whole point was to find a way to practice nuclear war without destroying ourselves. To get the computers to learn from mistakes we couldn't afford to make. Except, I never could get Joshua to learn the most important lesson.
David: What's that?
Stephen: Futility. That there's a time when you should just give up.
Jennifer: What kind of a lesson is that?
Stephen: Did you ever play tic-tac-toe?
Jennifer: Yeah, of course.
Stephen: But you don't anymore.
Jennifer: No.
Stephen: Why?
Jennifer: Because it's a boring game. It's always a tie.
Stephen: Exactly. There's no way to win. The game itself is pointless! But back at the war room, they believe you can win a nuclear war. That there can be "acceptable losses."

[They are in NORAD, watching the computer WOPR playing Tic-Tac-Toe and Global Thermonuclear War at the same time]
Jennifer: What is it doing?
David: It's learning.

Woman: Oh, gross! Who shit in the sand? Someone took a small shit in the sand and buried it with, like, two little kicks and just left it here like a land mine. Why and who?
Talking: [Points at Jerry] It was him.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: This is not good! This is not good!

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: What's with the chewing gum?
Philippe: It makes us look more American.

Timon: Hyenas. I hate hyenas. So what's the plan for getting past those guys?
Adult: Live bait.
Timon: Good idea.
[realizes what he means]
Timon: HEY!

Inspector: I'm not me anymore. I'm a hardware store!

Timon: [of the decimated Pride Rock] We're gonna fight your uncle for this?
Adult: Yes, Timon. This is my home.
Timon: Talk about your fixer-upper!

Joshua: Which side do you want?
David: [Looks at Jennifer] I'll be the Russians.

David: [typing] People sometimes make mistakes.
Joshua: Yes, they do.

Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer: Every time I close my eyes.

Inspector: What have they got me on?

Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it?
[pause]
Ferris: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

Mr. Liggett: Now there seems to be a lot of confusion on this next question: asexual reproduction. Could someone tell me please who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex?
David: Ah-heh.
[whispers something to a classmate]
Jennifer: [overhearing, Jennifer starts to laugh]
Mr. Liggett: [turns around and sees Jennifer giggling] Miss Mack! What is so amusing?
Jennifer: I...
[Jennifer breaks up into laughter again and turns to look at David, who puts on a show of mock innocence]
Mr. Liggett: Alright, Lightman. Maybe you could tell us who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex.
David: Umm... Your wife?
[the class erupts into laughter]
Mr. Liggett: [pointing to the door] Get out, Lightman. Get out.

Col. Montgomery: [ordering the burning of Darien, Georgia] Prepare your men to light torches and prepare to burn the buildings!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I will not!
Col. Montgomery: That is an order! You will obey it or you will be charge with Disobeying your Superior Officer!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: It is an *immoral order*, and by the Articles of War, I am not bound to obey it!
Col. Montgomery: Then, you can explain that at your court-martial... after your men are placed under my command!
[Shaw looks at his men, who give him a look indicating their distaste for serving under Montgomery]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: First Squad, Second Platoon! Fall out to set torches. Prepare to fire the town!
John: First Squad, Second Platoon! FALL OUT!
[they do so]

David: Joshua called me.
McKittrick: [incredulous] David, computers don't call people!
David: [shrugs] Yours did.

Timon: Let me get this straight. You're the king? And you never told us?
Adult: Look, I'm still the same guy.
Timon: But with power!
Nala: Could you guys excuse us for a few minutes?
Timon: Hey, whatever she has to say, she can say in front of us. Right, Simba?
Adult: Mm... Maybe you'd better go.
Timon: It starts. You think you know a guy...
[Timon and Pumbaa leave]
Adult: Timon and Pumbaa. You learn to love 'em.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: So what do you want to do?
Trip: Don't know, sir.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: It stinks, I suppose.
Trip: Yeah, It stinks bad. And we all covered up in it too. Ain't nobody clean. Be nice to get clean, though.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: How do we do that?
Trip: We ante up and kick in, sir. But I still don't want to carry your flag.

Philippe: I am Philippe Roaché, DGSE - Direction Générale de la Sécurité Extérieure.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: It sounds big.
Philippe: French Secret Service.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Oh.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: [Repeated line after someone mispronounces his name] It's Tatopoulos.

[last lines]
Ferris: You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.

Adult: Tell them the truth.
Scar: Truth? But truth is in the eye of the behold...
Scar: [Simba chokes him, he whispers] All right. All right. I did it.
Adult: So they can hear you.
Scar: I killed Mufasa!

Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.

Maitre: [grabs Ferris on the shoulder while he grabs the phone in the restaurant] All right, I've had enough of this.
Ferris: [Ferris is annoyed] You touch me, I yell RAT!

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Glory hallelujah.

Joseph: Beatrice, you're looking well! Which is just fine, because your debutante party is vitally important.
Beatrice: Will it end poverty, war and injustice, or bring back civil rights activist Medgar Evers, who was shot in Mississippi this week?
Joseph: Yes! Or rather it will end you worrying about that nonsense, because it will land you a husband.
Beatrice: At least Evers' death means no-one else will be assassinated this year, 1963. The FBI is on too high alert to allow anything like that to happen again.

Inspector: I don't know what you're up to, Scolex, but you'll never get away with it!
Dr. Claw: Oh, how cliché, Inspector. I think somebody's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons.
[Dr. Claw, Kramer and Inspector Gadget look at the camera]

Major: [as Col. Shaw is writing, Maj. Forbes approaches him with a letter from President Lincoln] They've done it.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: [Shaw reads the letter] Assemble the men.
[54th is in formation in the pouring rain in the Camp Readville common area]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: In accordance with President Lincoln's wishes, you men are advised that the Confederate Congress has issued a proclamation. It reads: 'Any negro taken in arms against the Confederacy will immediately be returned to a state of slavery. Any negro taken in Federal uniform will be summarily put to death. Any white officer taken in command of negro troops shall be deemed as inciting servile insurrection and shall likewise be put to death.' Full discharges will be granted in the morning to all those who apply. Dismissed.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: [turning to Forbes after dismissal of troops] If you're not here in the morning, I'll understand.
Trip: [turns to Sharts] Still want that blue suit, nigger?

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: I've always wanted to join the French Foreign Legion.

David: [typing] What is the primary goal?
Joshua: You should know, Professor. You programmed me.
David: Oh, come on.
David: [typing] What is the primary goal?
Joshua: To win the game.

[about breaking up with Nick]
Audrey: It's been eight years. Some people change.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Most people don't.

Officer: Justice will be served.

[Shaw enters the quartermaster's office while some of his soldiers guard the door]
Kendric,: Morning, Colonel. Change your mind about that bottle?
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I want 600 pairs of shoes and 1200 pairs of socks... and anything else you've been holding out on us, you piece of rat filth!
Kendric,: I don't have any.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Not for niggers you don't!
Kendric,: Not for anybody.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I see. I'll just look around to see if you haven't misplaced them!
[He begins to smash up the place]
Kendric,: HEY!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: You son of a bitch!
[smashes the place even more]
Kendric,: Goddamn it, you can't...!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Can't I? I'm a colonel, you nasty little cuss! You think you can keep 700 Union soldiers without proper shoes because you think it's *funny*? Now, where would that power come from?

Pumbaa: King? Your Majesty. I gravel at your feet.
[starts kissing Simba's feet]
Adult: Stop it.
Timon: It's not gravel, it's grovel.

Adult: Man, I'm stuffed.
Pumbaa: Me, too. I ate like a pig.
Adult: Pumbaa, you *are* a pig.

Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please?
Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted.
Ferris: A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is *not* gonna be by a guy like *that*.

Gadgetmobile: Who are you, rookie?
Inspector: I'm Officer John Brown, and you're exceeding the speed limit.
Gadgetmobile: Speed limits are for cars, not the Gadgetmobile.
Inspector: Are you - Are you talking to me?
Gadgetmobile: Speaking of breaking the law, who's not wearing a seat belt? You gotta wear the belt, baby. It's a Disney movie.

[Col. Shaw approaches Rawlins after having Trip horse-whipped for deserting]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Mr. Rawlins... this morning, I... it would be a great help to me if I could talk to you from time to time about the men. That's all.
[turns to leave]
John: Shoes, sir.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: [Shaw turns around]
John: The men need shoes, Colonel.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Yes, I've been after the quartermaster for some time.
John: No, sir. Now. That boy ran off to find him some shoes, Colonel. He wants to fight. Same as the rest of us. More, even.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: There's more to fighting than rest, sir. There's character, there's strength of heart. You should have seen us in action two days ago. We were a sight to see! We'll be ready, sir. When do you want us?

Nala: What made you come back?
Adult: I finally got some sense knocked into me. And I've got the bump to prove it.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: [writing to his mother, telling her that he's seen his first negroes amongst those fleeing the south] We fight for men and women whose poetry is not yet written but which will presently be as enviable and as renowned as any.

Officer: Dr. Bradford? Hi. I borrowed a book from your dad. "Power Learning Through Speed Study." It took me forever to get through it.

David: [to Joshua] Come on. Learn, goddammit.

Cameron: [Whispering to himself after hanging up from a phone call with Ferris] I'm dying.
[Phone rings, and Cameron answers]
Ferris: (over the phone) You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.

Ferris: If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend.
Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade.

Ed: Ed Rooney.
Cameron: [disguising voice as George Peterson] Ed. This is George Peterson.
Ed: How are you today, sir?
Cameron: [voice disguised] Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Ed: Yeah I heard, and man, I'm all broken up, boy, what a blow.
Cameron: [disguised] Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Ed: Uh, yeah, sure, no I'd be happy to, yeah you, uh, you you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace: Ed?
Ed: It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.
Grace: Ooh!
Cameron: [disguised] I'm sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?
Ed: Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know that's school policy.
Cameron: [disguised] Oh.
Ed: Was this your mother?
Cameron: [disguised] Uh, no my wife's mother.
Grace: [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Ferris: Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr. Rooney please? Thank you.
Grace: [caught off-guard] Uh... hold.
Ed: Tell ya what, dipshit. If you don't like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole' white butt.
Grace: ED!
Ed: Pucker up butter-cup.
[to Grace]
Ed: What?
Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line 2.

Trip: I ain't fightin' this war for you, sir.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: I see.
Trip: I mean, what's the point? Ain't nobody gonna win. It's just gonna go on and on.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Can't go on forever.
Trip: Yeah, but ain't nobody gonna win, sir.
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Somebody's gonna win.
Trip: Who? I mean, you get to go on back to Boston, big house and all that. What about us? What do we get?
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Well, you won't get anything if we lose.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Wrong floor.

Frasier: Hello, Line Two, you're on with Dr. Frasier Crane.
Mark: Uh, hey, Dr. Crane. It's Mark.
Frasier: Hello, Mark. I'm listening.
Mark: Oka. Uh, well, I work at this all-night mini-mart, and, um, I've been watching myself on the video camera, and the camera-me is doing things I don't approve of.

David: Hey, I don't believe that any system is totally secure.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: The radiation isn't an anomaly, it's the clue.

Gadgetmobile: Let's team up: I'll go after them; and you say 10-4!
Inspector: 10-4?
Gadgetmobile: Right. See ya!
[speeds off after some escaped convicts, leaving Gadget just standing there]

Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.

Rafiki: Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana.
Adult: Come on, will you cut it out?
Rafiki: Can't cut it out. It will grow right back. Hehehe.
Adult: Creepy little monkey. Would you stop following me! Who are you?
Rafiki: The question is, who... are you?
Adult: [sighs] I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure.
Rafiki: Well, I know who you are! Shh. Come here, it's a secret.
[Whispers, then grows louder]
Rafiki: Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!
Adult: Enough already! What's that supposed to mean, anyway?
Rafiki: It means you're a baboon... and I'm not.
Adult: I think you're a little confused.
Rafiki: Wrong! I'm not the one who's confused. You don't even know who you are!
Adult: Oh, and I suppose you know?
Rafiki: Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy!
[Simba turns around to look at him, shocked]
Rafiki: Bye!

Scar: Simba, Simba, please. Please have mercy, I beg you.
Adult: You don't deserve to live.
Scar: But, Simba, I... am... family. It's the hyenas who are the real enemy. It was their fault. It was their idea!
Adult: Why should I believe you? Everything you ever told me was a lie.
Scar: What are you going to do? You wouldn't kill your *old* uncle...?
Adult: No, Scar. I'm not like you.
Scar: Oh, Simba, thank you. You are truly noble. I'll make it up to you, I promise. How can I, ah, prove myself to you? Tell me anything, anything.
Adult: Run. Run away, Scar. And never return.
Scar: Yes. Of course. As you wish,
[Scar's words turn into a snarl]
Scar: your Majesty!
[throws embers in Simba's face]
Adult: Aaah!

Ferris: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
[sings into shower head a verse from Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen"]
Ferris: I recall Central Park in Fall, how you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess...

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: That's a lot of fish.

Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

David: People sometimes make mistakes.
Joshua: Yes. They do.

Victor: Where did you find this guy?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: He's from France.

[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet]
Ferris: Never had one lesson!

Inspector: Wowser!

[David and Jennifer attempt to find a way to get off Professor Falken's island to prevent NORAD from launching a nuclear attack]
David: I think I saw one...
[runs ahead for a moment and stops]
David: What kind of an asshole lives on an island and he doesn't even have a boat?
Jennifer: Maybe we can swim for it. How far do you think it is?
David: No. It's uh, two, three miles at least. Maybe more.
Jennifer: Well, what do you say? Let's go for it!
David: No.
Jennifer: [starts to remove her shoe] Come on!
David: No!
[pause]
David: I can't swim.
Jennifer: You can't swim?
David: No, I can't, okay? Wonder Woman, I can't swim!
Jennifer: Well, what kind of an asshole grows up in Seattle and doesn't even know how to swim?
David: I never got around to it, okay? I always thought there was gonna be plenty of time!
Jennifer: Sorry.
David: I wish I didn't know about any of this! I wish I was like everybody else in the world, and tomorrow it would just be over. There wouldn't be any time to be sorry... about anything.
David: [sits on a large piece of driftwood] Oh, Jesus! I really wanted to learn how to swim! I swear to God I did.

Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron: [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God Damn it!
[Turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron: Ahhhhhh! Shit!
[Gets out of the car]
Cameron: That's it!
[Paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]

Rafiki: What was *that*?
[laughs]
Rafiki: The weather - Pbbbah! Very peculiar. Don't you think?
Adult: Yeah. Looks like the winds are changing.
Rafiki: Ahhh. Change is good.

[the guys just notice the "additional miles" on the car]
Ferris: [to the audience] Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
[Cameron's screams can be heard all across Chicago]

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Never, question my authority in front of others
Major: Well I is sorry, mas'sa. You be the boss-man now and all us chill'ins must learn your ways.

Officer: Attention: Driver of the wrecked limo attached to the "Yahoo!" billboard, this is security officer John Brown. Please step out of the vehicle immediately, or... else.
Scolex: [stepping out, unable to give in without a fight] Fine work, Mr. Security Guard, you got me. Here, have a victory cigar.
[pulls out a cigar and lights it...]
Officer: No, thanks.
Scolex: Remember: Smoking kills.
[tosses cigar]
Officer: I don't smoke!
Scolex: [laughs] Oh, really? You will now.
Officer: Oh, boy...
[the cigar blows up John; also sending a bowling ball rocketing out of John's car. Scolex closes his sunroof, but the bowling ball falls through the sunroof before closing, and crushes his left hand]
Scolex: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY HAND!

McKittrick: See that sign up here - up here. "Defcon." That indicates our current defense condition. It should read "Defcon 5," which means peace. It's still on 4 because of that little stunt you pulled. Actually, if we hadn't caught it in time, it might have gone to Defcon 1. You know what that means, David?
David: No. What does that mean?
McKittrick: World War Three.

Ferris: Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

Inspector: You blew me up and my Chevette. And I really liked that car.
Dr. Claw: Well, you crushed my hand and I really liked that hand. So Go-Go get over it!

[being questioned at a military checkpoint]
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Well, Sergeant O'Neal just called down for us, he wants us to joint him right now, sir. Thank you.
Tunnel: [to Philippe] You got a problem talkin'?
Philippe: [Southern accent, without a trace of French] Why, no sir, I'm fine.
[a car honks from the line behind them]
Tunnel: All right, keep it movin'.
Philippe: Well, thank you very much.
[They drive on. Nick looks questioningly at Philippe]
Philippe: [normal French accent] Elvis Presley movies. He was The King.

[Handing the journalist his letters home]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Got some letters here, personal things. Also, if I should fall, remember what you see here.

Ferris: Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.
Cameron: We're pinched, for sure.
Ferris: No way, Cameron. Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.

Jennifer: He wasn't very old.
David: No, he was pretty old. He was 41.
Jennifer: Oh yeah? Oh, that's old.

Adult: I know what I have to do, but going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.
[Rafiki hits Simba on the head with his stick]
Adult: Ow! Jeez! What was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn't matter. It's in the past.
[laughs]
Adult: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.
[swings his stick again at Simba, who ducks out of the way]
Rafiki: Ha. You see? So what are you going to do?
Adult: First, I'm gonna take your stick.
[Simba snatches Rafiki's stick and throws it and Rafiki runs to grab it]
Rafiki: No, no, no, no! Not the stick! Hey! Where are you going?
Adult: I'm going back!
Rafiki: Good! Go on! Get out of here!
[Rafiki begins laughing and screeching loudly]

Rawlins: The town is clean sir. Ain't no rebs here, just some women.
Col. Montgomery: You hear that! Let's clear er out!
[His men begin looting the town]
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: What are you doing?
Col. Montgomery: Liberating this town in the name of the Republic.

[watching Searles practice with his bayonet]
Sgt. Mulcahy: Oh, what do we have here? Bonnie Prince Charley and his toy bayonet! You're not reading your books now. Stab me.
Cpl. Thomas Searles: What?
Sgt. Mulcahy: Stab-me.
[Searles comes at him gingerly and Mulcahy slaps it away]
Sgt. Mulcahy: I said STAB, not TICKLE! Come on, you prissy little schoolgirl! You're the worst soldier in this whole company, now HIT ME!
[Searles comes at him again, Mulcahy disarms him and slams the rifle butt into his stomach, then his face. Searles falls to the ground, writing in pain and sobbing]
Sgt. Mulcahy: No shame, son, get up... I SAID GET UP!
Trip: Nigger forgot to duck, that's all!
Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Sergeant, deal with that man!