30 Best Mrs. Brown's Boys Quotes

Agnes: [phone is ringing] Is that your phone?
Cathy: No.
Agnes: Of course not. You wouldn't bring your phone into the fucking studio. IT'S OUR PHONE!
Agnes: [answers it] Hello? For fuck's sake, Kieron.
[hands it to the cameraman again]

Agnes: You've heard of Doctor Dolittle. There goes Doctor Do Fuck All.

Maria: [discussing Agnes' method for dealing with Bono's bully] For God's sake. What are we going to do now, Father?
Father: I think we need to get Betty and Mrs. Curtain together and then try talk this out.
Agnes: I have an idea. Why...
Maria: I have a line before that
Agnes: [everyone's breaking character] I have an idea. Let her do her line.
Production: [from offstage] I think we better get Betty and Mrs. Curtain together.
Agnes: Is that not dangerous? Cause for him to get it right once is fucking rare.
Father: Just blame the priest. That's what he's here for.
Agnes: Yes, we always do. He has his foot up my front while he's doing that.
Maria: Very tough.
Father: That's not my foot!

Agnes: I had four donuts before you walked in the door
Winnie: But that'll kill ya
Agnes: I don't give a shite I won't be carrying the coffin

[last lines]
Agnes: What a week, neh he he he. Jacko in a heap at the bottom of the escalator. Mrs Murphy upset about my little kissogram at her husband's funeral. And Granddad shit a nucular bomb. Isn't life a fecking rollercoaster? Good night!

Agnes: How's your drink?
Hilary: It tastes like cider.
Agnes: It is. Bulmers.
Hilary: I asked for champagne.
Agnes: Well you can fuck off.

Cathy: Mammy, it's not just Teddy Brannigan, is it? No man I ever meet will be good enough for you, will they?
Agnes: Where did I leave my violin?
Cathy: I'm going to me room.
Agnes: Go to your room Oh, Jesus! How could you do that? How could you beat your mother?
Cathy: I brushed off you!
Agnes: You beat me! Oh, my Jesus It's gone dead! It's gone dead, look, it's feckin' dead! Look it's feckin' Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left! It's spreading Oh!
Agnes: Jesus Christ, I've gone blind! Cathy!
Cathy: I'm going!
Agnes: Is she still there?
Cathy: This is ridiculous!
Agnes: Cathy! Cathy, wait! Cathy, please Cathy, let me explain! Cathy Cath Don't bring me up them feckin' stairs! You saw that, now. I was minding my own business and she feckin' attacked me! This is because she forgot the feckin' badges. I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears to me and asks me to sacrifice a child she's feckin' gone!

Agnes: Granddad is the cupboard having a shit!

Dr. Flynn: [examining Grandad] I'm afraid I'll have to do a rectal reading.
Agnes: Ooh.
Dr. Flynn: Can you help me, Mrs Brown?
Agnes: [ecstatic] With fucking pleasure!
[blows air into a rubber glove]

Rory: Mammy, what's wrong?
Agnes: Deano is wearing suspenders! Oh Rory, I think he's a trans-testicle!

Buster: Oh, that Robin.
Agnes: Who's Robbin'
Buster: Me.
Agnes: You wanna give that up son.
Dermot: No Mammy, he not going to be robbin', he's going to BE Robin.
Agnes: When?
Dermot: In a few days.
Agnes: He's not robbin today.
Dermot: Obviously.
Agnes: Be he's going to be robbin' and you think thats alright?
Dermot: Mammy, you're getting confused.
Buster: Dermot, can I explain?
Dermot: This should be good.
Buster: You see Mrs Brown, Robin is good and I'm going to be Robin, so if I'm Robin Robin, then there will be no robbin' because Robin he's not into robbin'
Agnes: Like Batman and Robin.
Buster: Yeah.
Dermot: Seriously? You got it from that?
Agnes: I thought it was perfectly clear.

Rory: What's fun?
Agnes: Trivial Pursuit.
Rory: Ah Jesus, no!
Agnes: It's only a game.
Cathy: Not when you play it Mummy.
Rory: Last year Dino had to have counselling.

Rory: Danger is my middle name.
Dino: Bond. James Bond!
Agnes: Off. Fuck off!

Agnes: [answering the phone] Hello?
[pause]
Agnes: Kieron? Here, it's for you.
[hands the phone to the show's cameraman]

Agnes: And as for you, ya fifty pence pole dancer!
Hilary: Is that the very best you can do?
Agnes: No, I feel sorry for the fucking pole!

Grandad: [pointing to the turkey in the living room] What's he doing here alive?
Agnes: He's probably looking at you thinking the same fecking thing!

[after failing to kill the turkey]
Buster: I couldn't do it! He said my name! "Bub-bub Buster!"

Cathy: [after finding out the date she dumped due to his being short hooked up with Sharon right after] Sharon!
Sharon: You don't know what you missed. Little jockey... BIG whip!

Winnie: Agnes, how does a secret agent know when he's running out of invisible ink?
Agnes: He has an invisible light on his invisible pen and it flashes. Invisibly.

Agnes: [to Grandad, while trying to climb down a shelf] See, I didn't fecking need ya! Oh shit!
[falls from the shelf]

[Buster is being sick in the closet toilet and Rory knocks on the door]
Rory: [thinking it's Mammy] Are you in there?
Buster: Yes!
Rory: Mammy, you need to know, I'm gay. I love Deano and I want the world to know. Are you upset?
[Buster throws up and Rory becomes upset]
Rory: Oh Mammy I knew you'd take it hard! But please try to think of my happiness!
[Buster throws up again and Rory falls to the floor, crying]
Rory: Oh Mammy! How can I be happy? Please try to think of me!
Agnes: [arriving] Well you can get off the fecking floor for starters.
[Rory screams]
Agnes: [startled] What is wrong with you?
Rory: Mammy, I need to come out of the closet!
Agnes: Wait till Buster finishes to go in first!

Agnes: Dermot, what's a blow job?
Dermot: 20 quid, mammy.
Agnes: They change the fecking language every day!

Agnes: [reading the newspaper] For sale: Herd of cows, never been bred. Also for sale: gay bull.
Rory: [walks into the kitchen] Morning.
Agnes: [smirks at the camera, folds the paper and puts it on the table] Moo.

Buster: [about the Christmas crackers he's made] I'm using gunpowder from fireworks to make the crackers crack.
Agnes: [cheekily to the audience] What could go wrong?

Agnes: [looking at a toilet] Oh, look, there's a chip gone out of this. Someone must have shit a brick.

Agnes: Stuff the turkey's ass with holly, fa la la la la, la la la la.

[Dermont Brown sadly walks past Agnes dressed as a penguin]
Agnes: There goes Happy Feet.

Agnes: What do you want, Grandad?
Grandad: I don't feel well.
Agnes: You're ninety-two, you're not supposed to fucking feel well!

Agnes: Dermot, did you get the contract? I can't hear you, there's carol singers?
Father: Leave it to me, Mrs Brown.
Father: [stands up] FECK OFF!
Father: [everyone's shocked] Sorry everybody. I've had it for about a month now.

Cathy: This nativity play's gone to your head! Just have the baby appear in the crib. That's what everybody else does.
Agnes: I don't want to do what everybody else does! I've watched these nativity plays over the years, and the one thing they always leave out is the actual birth.
Cathy: So what?
Agnes: So what? We go through our lives being told how Jesus suffered for our sins. And not one mention of how Mary suffered so that Jesus could suffer. Well, not in this nativity play.
Cathy: You are mad.
Agnes: No. I am a mother!