The Best PC Alf Ventress Quotes

PC: We still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become chief constable
PC: Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf
PC: No chances of that!

Probationary: [arrives at the Police Station] Morning. Sorry I'm late. Oh good, Sarge not in yet then?
Sergeant: [exiting his office] Yes I am Nicholson! Have been for some time!
Probationary: Sorry I'm late Sarge. The reason was...
Sergeant: Save it. Armed robbery yesterday in the Midlands. Wager snatch. Security guard's been shot. He's on the critical list. West Midlands Police think an Asfordly man may have been involved. James Arthur Sutton?
PC: Jimmy Sutton? He's still inside isn't he?
PC: He got nine months for car theft.
Sergeant: Released last week apparently. It's not certain yet he was involved, but we've been asked as a matter of urgency to check on his whereabouts.

PC: We'll still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become Chief Constable.
PC: Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf.
PC: No chances of that.

Probationary: I was wondering Alf, it's my Birthday tomorrow. It's my 21st actually. I was just wondering, if you fancied a pint. Perhaps a game of Dominoes or something?
PC: Tomorrow? Sorry Tom I can't. I wish I could.