The Best Mark Jordon Quotes

PC: We'll still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become Chief Constable.
PC: Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf.
PC: No chances of that.

Probationary: [arrives at the Police Station] Morning. Sorry I'm late. Oh good, Sarge not in yet then?
Sergeant: [exiting his office] Yes I am Nicholson! Have been for some time!
Probationary: Sorry I'm late Sarge. The reason was...
Sergeant: Save it. Armed robbery yesterday in the Midlands. Wager snatch. Security guard's been shot. He's on the critical list. West Midlands Police think an Asfordly man may have been involved. James Arthur Sutton?
PC: Jimmy Sutton? He's still inside isn't he?
PC: He got nine months for car theft.
Sergeant: Released last week apparently. It's not certain yet he was involved, but we've been asked as a matter of urgency to check on his whereabouts.

Vernon: [calls to Tom and Phil whilst having a drink in the Aidensfield Arms] Hey lads! Nicked anyone for car tax lately?
[laughs]
PC: What's he so pleased about?
Gina: His latest venture. He's managing the Brass band.
PC: He won't make much run in one of those. Money's all in pop groups today.
Probationary: I love Brass bands.

[PC Nicholson has just stepped on some horse droppings]
PC: [laughing] You're always putting your foot in, you.

PC: We still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become chief constable
PC: Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf
PC: No chances of that!