Top 50 Quotes From Stephanie Zimbalist

Laura: Read him his rights.
Bingham: You have the right to remain silent.
[pause]
Truck: That's it?
Bingham: What do you want, the Magna Carta?

Laura: The man's a spoiled, overgrown brat. He should be spanked!
Remington: Easier said then done.

Laura: [to Steele] I'm a Peppler, he's a Peppler, she's a Peppler, we're a Peppler, they're a Peppler, wouldn't you like to be a Peppler too?
Laura: [Steele gives her a look] Come on! Where's your sense of humor?
Remington: [referring to his colorful golf pants] I'm wearing it.

Laura: What made you call Mr. Steele?
Rocky: Are you kidding, his picture is in the paper more then Paul Newmans."

Laura: [With a sarcastic smile to Mr. Steele] Be an Angel.

Remington: [Steele shows Laura his cup of coffee] Have you tried this?
Laura: [Frustrated] I made it, I don't have to taste it!
Remington: It's like a hot cup of The Thames!

Laura: What are you grinning at Mr. Steele? Someone just tried to kill us!
Remington: [Smiling] Precisely Ms. Holt, we must be on the right track.

[Laura's car speeds into a dirt parking lot at a vineyard, tires screeching, she suddenly turning the car, and it halts to a stop right in front of a building]
Remington: Well, you certainly taught that road a lesson it won't soon forget.
Laura: No sense in dragging this thing out.
[the three of them get out of the car]
Wilson: It's inside, I'll show you.
[Laura walks inside the building]
Remington: Oh. Uh, if you don't mind my asking Wilson... uh, when you and Miss Holt were, uh, uhm...
[moving his hands]
Wilson: Cohabitating.
Remington: Yes, uh.
[Clears throat, continues moving his hands]
Remington: Was her driving always so, uh... exuberant?
Wilson: If anything, it's gotten a little better. But I'm sure you know how she is. Impulsive, uninhibited... absurdly passionate. It must get trying for you at times, keeping her in check.
Remington: Oh, well, I do what I can. Hmm.
[Wilson goes inside]
Remington: [to himself, looking baffled] Absurdly passionate, eh?

[Laura and Steele are spying on their suspect, Mr. Thorpe. Laura pretends to be a jogger, while Steele uses a camera to watch Thorpe and his two companions, Eldon Veckmer and Greg Keever. Steele takes pictures of the three. The three men speak, without suspecting Laura, who stands nearby. As they get closer, Laura switches on a sound detector, which allows her to eavesdrop their conversation]
Stuart: [to Keever] Of course this'll help, but we're gonna need you with us before too long.
Greg: I don't know. I mean, it wasn't just Stony. My wife and I we're friends with those people, and then there's my contract...
Eldon: [interrupts] Why don't we let the foundation dictate those decisions for the time being, Mr. Thorpe? And then we'll see...
[suddenly, a beeping comes out of Veckmer's pocket. The three men stop]
Stuart: What's that?
[Veckmer drops his cigarette, takes a gadget out of his pocket and moves it about]
Stuart: We're being bugged?
Eldon: Be quiet.
Laura: It dropped off. What's happening?
Remington: Thorpe's in the way. Can't tell.
[as Veckmer points the gadget in Laura's direction, the beeping gets louder]
Stuart: [points at Laura] It's coming from her!
Greg: What do we do?
Stuart: Well, we stop her!
[Thorpe heads for Laura]
Eldon: Thorpe. Thorpe. Don't! Don't!
[Thorpe ignores Veckmer and continues running toward Laura. Keever joins him, while Veckmer stays behind]
Laura: I got trouble!
Remington: On my way.
[Laura runs away. Thorpe and Keever chase her]

Murphy: Laura, we made a rule: if a client insists on dealing directly with Remington Steele, we pass.
Laura: Gordon Hunter is creating a media event - television, newspapers, People magazine for God's sake. Whoever provides security for the gems gets kissed by the same spotlight. The publicity is worth its weight in clients.
Bernice: And you want Remington Steele to personally supervise security.
Laura: That's right.
Bernice: Can I ask a dumb question? How is Remington Steele going to do that if he doesn't exist?

Wilson: I saw that body in the vat, and suddenly I thought to myself..."What would Laura do about this?".
Laura: So you stuffed him in the trunk of a car and ran away with it.
Remington: Are you talking about this Laura here?

Laura: Leo Blitzman?
Leo: Yeah. Watch the rough stuff, pretty boy. You're dealin' with an eye.
Remington: An eye?
Leo: Cannon, Mannix, Rockford.
Remington: He appears to be speaking in some sort of code.
Laura: He's trying to tell us he's a private eye.

Laura: Could you slow down a bit?
Tony: No!
Laura: [a plant hits her in the face] Could you cut the branches a little shorter?
Tony: What a team! I do all the work and you do all the bitching
Laura: Well at least I'm doing a better job then you are!

Commissioner: Janet, it's a war zone out there, and Batman is our best weapon.
Janet: And I say he's a drug the city keeps taking to avoid facing reality.
[hearing the blinds rustle, she sees Batman appear]
Janet: Speak of the devil.

Laura: If I were a man, would you question it if I told you I was going to enter the Boston Marathon?
Remington: I would question why anyone would want to run twenty-six miles without being chased.

Laura: Well, before giving us the results of your excavation, Mildred, there's a small administrative point we need to address.
[Laura slaps Remington's feet off the desk]
Laura: While it is more than apparent that Mr. Steele here is the senior member of the firm, the fact is that for the nuts and bolts operation, we're more or less, um, equals. Wouldn't you say, Mr. Steele?
Remington: One might even go so far as to say that Miss Holt is sort of in charge of such things.
Mildred: He's the boss, but you're in charge?
Remington: Having worked for the government, Mildred I wouldn't think the concept is beyond your grasp.

Laura: Now all we need is the third man.
Remington: Well, if it isn't Orson Welles, I can't be of any immediate help.

Remington: Ah, can you smell it, Laura?
Laura: Smells like an old liverwurst sandwich.
Remington: Oh, the stench of professionalism, the odor of objectivity! Shades of Sevareid, Cronkite, Hugh Downs. Trenchcoats and drizzle. The sound of ack-ack pounding on a distant shore. And there, in the thick of it all, the man with the microphone. I always wanted to be a reporter, ever since I saw Joel McCrea in "Foreign Correspondent."

Laura: [after Remington has hung up the phone and accounted for old enemies] Then you must be forgetting someone.
Remington: [Raising an eyebrow at her] How many enemies do you think I have Laura?
Laura: Mr. Steele, I have great respect for your ability to generate animosity around the globe.

Remington: [while drunk] I rather enjoyed being a Peppler. Shame about the divorce, they were so good together, those two.
Laura: They are, aren't they?
Remington: Yes...

[Izzy is dying]
Izzy: Toodle-loo.
Laura: Toodle-loo?
Steele: That's what I call shuffling off with class.

Remington: You know Laura, in crimes of this magnitude it's usually standard to offer a finders fee. Usually at 10% of the value and 10% of 250,000,000 dollars is...
Laura: 25,000,000.
Remington: Do you realize we could be given 25,000,000 dollars as a reward for being honest?
Laura: That really astounds you. Doesn't it?
Remington: It heartens me Laura. It absolutely heartens me.

Laura: What should I call you when we're alone?
Remington: Well, I'm quite used to the name that you came up with.
Laura: It's from a typewriter and a football team.
Remington: Then pick one. I've probably used it.

[Remington, Laura and Claude are sitting around a wine barrel, containing a body that was found at the vineyard, as they hide it from potential investors]
Laura: It would appear someone might be using Harry here to sabotage your deal.
Claude: Harry? You found out his name. That's great.
Remington: Yes, well, I'm afraid it's more endearing than accurate. This neighbor of yours, Werner... do you think he might be responsible?
Claude: Well, he's not one of my bigger fans, but I can't believe he's capable of killing anyone. My mother on the other hand...
Remington: Thick and stormy past, eh?
Claude: When I was nine, I set up a lemonade stand. My mother told me the key to good lemonade was to scratch the sugar and double the salt. And when I had a paper route, she used to go through my papers everyday and take out the funnies. She's always had this problem with me succeeding, and she knows that this wine is my chance to finally make it on my own. I wouldn't put anything past her. Not after watching her drive my father, Arnold, to his grave.
Laura: Your father's name was Arnold?
[Laura and Remington exchange a look, as they both know that Claude's mother's horse is named Arnold]

Batman: The East Side Skulls are ready to declare war on the other gangs.
Janet: Old news. My department's already planning a sting to catch the Skulls' leader.
Batman: Don't bother.
[he opens the blinds to reveal a man outside tied up upside-down]
Janet: Very cute, mister. You want to support law and order, you take off that mask and put on a uniform.
[he turns to leave]
Janet: You hear me, Batman? This is the last time!
[to Gordon]
Janet: Next time I see him, it'll be a whole different story.

Tanaka: [frustrated with his computer] We build these machines to serve us, and instead find ourselves serving them. A profound thought, yes?
Laura: Profound enough.
Tanaka: I always like to begin encounters with a profound thought. It tends to keep the conversation constructive.

Remington: In matters of this nature, Miss Mellish, I find it advisable for subjects to focus on the initial stages of their narrative and then to proceed accordingly.
Shirley: [to Laura] What did he say?
Laura: He means,"start at the beginning."

Laura: [Yelling] I'm Not Running From This!
Remington: [Yelling back] So Don't Run, But at least have the common sense to stop and take a breadth!

Mildred: Just what's going on between you and the Italian Stallion?
Laura: He'a a Friend that's All!
Mildred: Oh, don't you think it's a little to 'Friendly" that he shows up on your doorstep?
Laura: He's an archaeologist at UCLA.
Mildred: I didn't ask what he Did, I asked what he was Doing!

Remington: I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
Laura: [Scene Change] Your name *isn't* Remington Steele.
Remington: A mere technicality.

[Laura and Remington have brought Veronica home]
Mickey: Ronnie.
Veronica: Oh!
Mickey: Thank God you're all right...
Veronica: Oh, it was the skull-faced reaper, Mick. I felt him at my shoulder, his razor scythe glinting in the moonlight, and his rancid breath hot on my neck.
Mickey: I won't let him have you, Ronnie. I'll never let him have you.
Veronica: Oh, such a dear fool you are.
[touches Mickey's cheek]
Veronica: A dear, sweet fool.
[Mickey and Veronica walk towards the house]
Laura: A skull-faced reaper with hot rancid breath, eh?
Remington: Oh, a bit colorful perhaps but, then, drama was her life.
Laura: Still is.

Mildred: As much as I can get on that hairbag
Remington: Where do you pick up all of these expressions Mildred?
Mildred: Television, I guess
Remington: I thought you only watched PBS?
Mildred: [a little later] Well how do we stop that slimeball? Alistair Cooke says that a lot.
Remington: Does he?
Laura: [Laura walks in] That hairbag, that slimeball!
Remington: You watch PBS too?

[last lines]
Laura: [softly sings] Hennessey Tennessy tootled the flute/Oh, the music was something grand/A credit to old Ireland/Is MacNamara's band.
[she hums the rest of the song as Steele slowly stares at her and smiles]

Remington: Would you like to know what I think?
Laura: About the murder?
Remington: About you. You know what you are? A workaholic. That's what you are!
Laura: No? Really? Terrible vice, you oughta try it some time
Remington: It just drives you crazy that there are no mysteries to solve, no clues to, to ponder, no suspects to, ah, suspect!
Laura: Hah! Speak for yourself! I have a mystery to solve, I have clues to ponder, I have suspects to suspect!
Remington: Ho, yes indeed! Nothing frightens Laura Holt like having time on her hands or heaven forbid that she has a second to stop and think and feel, and perhaps, perhaps actually get to close to some of the people she works with!
Murphy: [opens the door to Laura's office & pops his head in] I heard fighting so I knew Mom and Dad were home.

D.A. Janet Van Dorn: I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people but now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another that brings misery to Gotham. The truth is, you created him.

Mildred: We certainly have had our share of sickos this trip.
Laura: The scary part is they came right to our doorstep.
Remington: Yes, nothing like bringing ones work home, eh?

Remington: We've been together for what could be called a season, doesn't that count for anything?
Laura: Seasons come and seasons go and when they're over sometimes you can hardly remember them.
[She says with a smile and a shrug before spinning away]
Remington: [Coming after her and spinning her around] Damint Laura, I Care About You!
[Then kisses her to prove it]

Remington: Laura, how is it when I do something dangerous it's reckless? But, when you do something Suicidal, it's a good idea?
Laura: Mr. Steele, this is no time to argue semantics.
[She then begins to run off]

Laura: What do you know about someone named B. Craven?
Butch: What's to know? He was nobody, he disappeared, then he was somebody.

Anatole: [walking up] Congratulations, officer. You've just arrested a world-famous thief.
Diamond: Who are you?
Remington: [to Blaylock] What have you done with Mildred?
Diamond: [to Remington Steele] Against the wall!
Anatole: If you check that man's pockets I'm certain you'll find the Jennings diamond.
Diamond: [searches] They're clean, Lieutenant!
Diamond: [to Blaylock] Well what's this all about?
Anatole: He has the diamond! He *must*!
Diamond: This is the man you want, Lieutenant; he killed an Interpol agent! Will you listen to me?
Mildred: [runs up, wet, and indicates Blaylock] Arrest this man!
[Blaylock growls, shoves her and Diamond Cop #1, and runs away]
Kevin: [takes his dog Dolittle and sets him loose] Tango!
[Dolittle chases after Blaylock and bites his trouser leg, tripping him. As the rest give chase, he pulls a revolver, but Steele kicks it out of his hand as he runs past]
Diamond: OK, take him away!
[Diamond Cops #2 and #3 do so]
Remington: Well! I guess that dog is good for something after all.
Laura: [looks at Steele's feet, smiles] Uh, Mr. Steele?
[She points down. He looks down and it's implied the dog is urinating on him again. She laughs as he pulls a stoic face]

Laura: Look, you're grown man. I'm a grown woman.
Remington: Than why are we acting like two children?

Remington: Supposing you had children. Just supposing I mean. Would you intend to continue working? Or would you feed the little tykes breakfast in the morning and then rush off to a nice juicy murder? I'm mean would you call them up at school and apologize that you couldn't pick them up because you were being held hostage?
Laura: Are you saying that a woman's place is in the home?
Remington: Actually, I was thinking of a more specific area.

Eugene: Sit, sit! You and uh...
Laura: Laura.
Eugene: Laura. So this is Laura? Your secretary?
Remington: Assistant.
Laura: Associate.

[last lines]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: I see now there's a need for what you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman.
Batman: Me too.

Remington: I'm afraid it's time to leave your lovely city.
Laura: Where will you go?
Remington: Wherever the gems travel next. San Francisco, I believe. I give you my word. I won't try to liberate the gems until they're safely out of your jurisdiction.
Laura: All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.
Remington: If the press of other commitments wasn't so severe, I might relish the role on a permanent basis.
[kisses her hand]
Remington: After all, I'm a man who enjoys impossible challenges.

Two: Welcome to Arkham, Van Dorn.
Janet: Two-Face!
Two: Don't bother screaming for help. The white coats can't hear ya. Matter of fact, they can't do much of anything, thanks to the Mad Hatter.
Janet: You're going to escape?
Two: Eventually. We got some legal business to settle first.
Janet: What do you mean?
Two: I'm talking about... a trial. Me, the prosecutor. You, the defense. And your client...
[snapping, Croc enters dragging a straight-jacketed Batman]
Two: ...is Batman.

The: Jury, you've heard the evidence. Consider your verdict.
The: [after deliberating with his fellow rogues on the jury, the Mad Hatter, acting as foreman, stands up] Your honor, in light of Ms. Van Dorn's stirring defense we have no choice but to find the defendant... not guilty.
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: [This verdict shocks everyone else in attendance, but none more so than Janet, who turns to Batman] Amazing.
The: Well done, counselor. You've proven that Batman didn't create us. That we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives. And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway.
The: [All the inmates of Arkham, including the criminals who just "acquitted" Batman, erupt in cheers, while Janet gasps] A-bi, a-bi, a-bi, that's all, folks!
[Bangs rubber chicken gavel]
The: Let's mambo!

[narration from the opening credits]
Laura: Try this for a deep, dark secret: the great detective, Remington Steele? He doesn't exist. I invented him. Follow. I always loved excitement, so I studied, and apprenticed, and put my name on an office. But absolutely nobody knocked down my door. A female private investigator seemed so... feminine. So I invented a superior. A decidedly MASCULINE superior. Suddenly there were cases around the block. It was working like a charm... until the day HE walked in, with his blue eyes and mysterious past. And before I knew it, he assumed Remington Steele's identity. Now I do the work, and he takes the bows. It's a dangerous way to live, but as long as people buy it, I can get the job done. We never mix business with pleasure. Well, almost never. I don't even know his real name!

Remington: Forgive me for saying so, Mr. Kelsey, but aren't you going to a lot a trouble just to preserve a game?
Ralph: A game? Baseball is a lot more than just a game, Mr. Steele. It's a way of life. It's... it's America.
Laura: I don't think Mr. Steele has ever played baseball.
Ralph: [Kelsey leans back into his seat, dejected] Ohhh...
Remington: I may not have played, Ms. Holt, but I am a keen observer of your national past time.
Ralph: So, you'll take the case?
Laura: I'm sure Mr. Steele will play ball, won't you, sir?
Remington: Certainly. When do we kick off?

Radio: [Laura and Steele enter the lobby of the radio station. The broadcast can be heard over the air] Hello, Doctor, last week you referred to the use of vegetables.
Remington: [Steele looks at the large sign on the wall which reads 14-KROT] Fourteen krot?
Laura: K-R-O-T... "14 - Carat".
Remington: Uh-huh.
[They listen to the radio program being broadcast]
Dr. Pam: It isn't important what vegetables you use. Carrots, corn on the cob, zucchini, they are all terrific.
Remington: A radio cooking show?
Laura: That's Dr. Pam, a phone-in sex therapist.
Remington: I must remember to get the cook book.