50 Best Harley Quinn Quotes

Batman: Any word on the Joker?
Robin: Nothing. I even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still refuses to let the cops evacuate the city.
Harley: [laughing and chortling] Oh, it's brilliant. Way to go, Mr. J!
Batman: What are you saying?
Harley: Oh, come on, Bats. You've seen how my Puddin' keeps an eye on Gotham. What better way to tie up the cops than to tie up the mayor?

The: Quick! To the van!
Harley: [seeing the van engulfed in flames] Uh, Mr. J.
The: Okay, we'll tough it out here.

The: Quick! Turn here!
Harley: But, boss, that's...
The: I said turn!
Harley: Yes, sir.
The: WHOA-OAAHHH! Why didn't you tell me someone put a hill there?
Harley: I tried, but...
The: Never mind. Just hand me the gun.
[seeing the Batmobile catching up]
The: Come on! Come on!
Harley: [handing him a large revolver] Here.
The: [taking aim] Hey, Batsy! This is where I leave you flat.
[firing it, a rod pops out and a "Bang!" flag unfurls]
The: Huh? You nincompoop!
Harley: [ducking as he throws it at her] Ahh! You didn't say which gun.

The: Good morning, Mr., uh...
[looking at his name plate]
The: Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Ms. Quinn.
Harley: Enchante.
The: And messers, uh... oh. Their names escape me for the moment. No matter. We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss.
G. Carl Francis: Uh... arrangements?
The: For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design.

Veronica: Did you mean what you said back there? About sending me home?
Harley: Sure. You're a good kid. And I do kinda feel a little bit responsible for all this.
Veronica: No kidding.
[seeing how dejected Harley is]
Veronica: So, what'll happen to you?
Harley: If I'm lucky, I'll make it out of town before Bats hauls my heinie back to the bin.
Veronica: Can't you explain that it was all just a mistake?
Harley: Ha! With my past? I don't even believe it myself.
Veronica: Look, let's make a deal. You get me out of this alive, and I'll drop all the charges.
Harley: Yeah? Hey, you're all right, toots. For the first time today, I think things are finally looking up.
[they scream as an explosion rocks nearby]

[Harvey Bullock looks suspiciously at a lawyer]
Detective: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
Harley: I believe I served you with a subpoena once... It was a small subpoena.

The: You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sidney. No body. No Batus delecti, if you will. We need to pull a job tonight to be sure.
Murphy: Be sure of what, boss?
The: [doing a double-take at Murphy] Why that old Batsy's bought the cave, of course. And one more thing, Murphy... don't ask stupid questions.
[Joker pushes Murphy into the midst of Harley Quinn's two hyenas, who claw off his shirt and lick him silly]
Harley: I'll get the mop.

Harley: [handcuffed in the Batmobile] What gives?
Batman: I can't risk you warning the Joker.
Harley: [innocently] Would I do a thing like that?
[the canopy closes]
Harley: Hey, let me out! Come on!

[Sid's lawyer uses a powder puff on her face intensively]
Sidney: [coughing] Lady, ease off on the make-up!
Harley: My boss likes me to wear a smile to work...

Batman: What's the attraction, Quinn? This sick infatuation with the Joker?
Harley: Look, Bats, when I was a doctor, I was always listening to other people's problems. Then I met Mr. J, who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.
Batman: You think it's funny when he hurts people?
Harley: It's just a joke.
Batman: Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.
Harley: [sticking out her tongue] Hmph. Mmm.

Harley: I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over, or blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress. And I actually paid for it.

[Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile: ]
Harley: [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio!
Batman: Don't!
[She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop]
Harley: Oops.
Batman: Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?
Harley: [small voice] Yes, sir.

[after Harley ties up Batman and Robin with a cable gun stolen from the Batmobile]
Harley: Gee, it's amazing the things you find in people's glove compartments.

Harley: I remember I used to go driving like this with Mr. J...
Poison: [mockingly] "Mr. J., Mr. J.!" Oh, change the record, Harl!

General: You in the car! Release your hostage immediately!
Veronica: Daddy!
Harley: Daddy? Oy!
[Harley turns about and speeds away from General Vreeland]
Veronica: Wait! What are you doing? That's my father!
Harley: No, that's your father... IN A TANK!

The: If this lunch meat figured out where we are, Batman won't be far behind. And why spoil my sharky's appetite, when I can feed him bigger fish?
Harley: Eyugh! Again with the fish, I *hate* fish!
[off Joker's glare]
Harley: Uh, no offense, Mr. J.
The: Poor Harley. This entire caper's been really rough on you, hasn't it?
Harley: Uh-huh.
The: Cheer up! You can be my very own little mermaid.
[Harley squeals with joy, then Joker pulls a giant rubber fish head over her, and laughs]
Harley: You're really sick, you know that, boss?
The: Mmm-hmmm.

[on TV Harley stands in the kitchen wearing a "kiss the cook" apron. The Joker's men are made up as young children]
Harley: They're finny and funny and oh so delish. They're joyful and jolly. Jokerfish!
The: Say, Mom, wondering what to feed the family tonight?
Harley: What'll I feed the family tonight?
[the Joker enters wearing a raincoat and hat. He looks like an old sea captain]
The: Arr! Try me famous Joker fish. There's Smiling Smelt, Giggling Grouper and Happy Haddock.
Alfred: [Watching with Batman] This could cause a stampede to pork.
The: [He holds up a fork with a morsel of fish to Harley's mouth] Yummy yum yum. Eat it!
Harley: Uh, Mr. J? I have this little problem with fish.
[he shoves the food into her mouth]
Harley: [With her mouth full] Yummy yum yum.
[Harley steps offscreen. The Joker turns to face the camera]
The: Yes, friends, that's Jokerfish.
[Harley is heard puking up the fish]
The: Tasty, tempting, and of course...
Joker's: Naturally low in cholesterol.
The: Coming to your local store.
[He begins to grow angry]
The: As soon as that nasty Mr. G. Carl Francis decides to give me my legal cut of the profits!

The: We're back with my extra-special guest. So, how's Robin?
[Batman remains stoically silent]
The: Moving right along... you know, kids, we've got an item here no home should be without. The laughter-activated electric chair. Yes, sir, the merest titter or guffaw starts the chair's generator revving up towards maximum zappage. Harley?
Harley: [demonstrating] Ha ha ha.
The: But for a real demonstration, we're pumping our studio audience full of my patented laughing gas. These yahoos will laugh at anything now. Even the phone book.

[last lines; everyone is back in Arkham]
The: That's it. The next time I start a gang, no women. YOU HEAR ME? NO WOMEN!
[outside, Harley and Ivy are tending the vegetable patch]
Harley: I think we can still work it out, don't you?
[Ivy flings a handful of soil in her face]

[the Arkham inmates are too scared to testify against Lyle Bolton]
Bruce: Well then, based on todays testimony, I propose extending Mr. Bolton's contract for an additional 18 months.
Arnold: No! You can't! You don't know what he's doing to us!
Scarface: Shut up! Don't listen to jerkface here! He don't know what he's saying!
Harley: [pounds Scarface's head in] No! It's all true! If we don't speak up now, we'll *never* get another chance! He threatens us! Takes away our privileges! Even when we're good!
Lyle: We've heard enough of this nonsense.
The: He says scum like us must be kept in line. That's why he chains us down at night, and electrifies our doors!
Scarface: He held me over a can filled with termites, ya hear me? TERMITES!
Harley: He's an animal!
Arnold: A monster!
The: Keep him away!
Lyle: Shut up! All of you!
[after a struggle between Bolton and the orderlies, he rushes to kill the inmates, only to be tripped by Wayne. He again is restrained by them]
Lyle: You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives!
Dr. Bartholomew: I've seen enough!
[bangs gavel]
Dr. Bartholomew: Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed!

Harley: Freeze, coppa! I got you covered, see?
Detective: Well, if it ain't laughing boy's little henchwench. You're outgunned, sugar.
Harley: Do tell.
Detective: [she fires her gun, and he's restrained with a bundle of ropes] AH! What? Whoa!
The: ["catching him" with a rod and reel] Hoo! Look at what I caught. Kind of runty, though.
[suspending him over a shark tank]
The: I'm gonna have to throw it back.

The: Yes! Another stunning Joker entrance leaves the crowd speechless. Let's hear it for him, folks.
Harley: Yay! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Yay!
[whooping]
Harley: [seeing the immobilized people] Gee, tough audience.
The: Commissioner, I'm here to present you with a small token of affection from me and all the guys doing 25 to life.
[Harley pins a bomb to Gordon's lapel and kisses both cheeks]
The: Wear it in good health, or the remaining 59 seconds of it. Toodles!

Harley: It's Late Night Gotham Live, and here's the man who puts a smile on your face whether you want it or not, The Joker!
The: Good evening folks, I'm The Joker: living proof that you don't have to be crazy to host this show, but it helps! Ha ha!

Harley: [weakly] I think I made a mess on your cape.

Harley: Back off, rich boy! I'm armed!
[whacks Bruce with the arm of a mannequin]

Harley: Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!
Robin: What was she before she went bonkers?
Batman: A clinical psychiatrist.
Robin: Figures.

Harley: [after the Joker throws her out] I'll show you. You'll be sorry! I'll pull a big heist, and I'll be laughing at you. Ha ha! You hear? Laughing!
[taking just a few steps]
Harley: I miss him already.

Harley: [to a tied-up Catwoman] I had a kitty once. You know, they don't always land on their feet.

Harley: I just wanna say, if there was no Batman, there'd be no Joker, and I'd have never met my Puddin'. Thank you, Batman.
[Batman glares at her]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Sad, isn't it. Harleen Quinzel was a doctor here at Arkham until the Joker twisted her mind.
Harley: Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin' is to me!
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here...
[points to the Joker]
D.A. Janet Van Dorn: ...finked on you in hopes of getting time off!
Harley: Is that true, Puddin'?
The: [sheepishly] "Finked" is such an ugly word...
Harley: [grabs the Joker and starts shaking him] You lousy, scum sucking creep!
The: The witness is excused!

Harley: Oh, my poor, poor puddin'.
Detective: Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac.
Harley: Yeah. I'm really gonna miss him.

Harley: Oh, the irony of it! The stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary, working together to save the city!
[She takes Batman's hand and raises it into the air with hers - cut to her hands, handcuffed in her lap, as she rides shotgun in the Batmobile]
Harley: I sense a lack of trust.

Harley: [trying to reach for a dagger] I know. You're thinking "What a shame, a pure innocent little thing like her, led astray by bad companions.
[tries to stab Batman but he catches her]
Batman: Right. Tell me another.
[handcuffs Harley and walks off]
Harley: Oy. Beauty school is starting to look pretty good about now.

Harley: You thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, 'cause I'm not even a real blonde.

Harley: [covered in jewels] Whheee! Look at all the pretties!
The: Put them back, Harley.
Harley: Awww, you're such a kidder, Mr J. You never could...
The: [grabbing Harley in a chokehold] I said put them back!
[tosses her across the room]
Harley: [shocked] S-s-sure, boss. I can do that. This is me putting them back. No problemo...

Bruce: Miss, please. I'm sure this has all been a simple misunderstanding. You don't want to mess things up on your first day out, do you?
[knocking]
Bruce: Miss?
Harley: [hitting him with the changing room door, trembling in anger] I tried to play by the rules, but no! They wouldn't let me go straight. Society is to blame.

The: I ask you, Harley: who's given more hours of amusement to the Gotham police force than me?
Harley: No one, Mr. J.
The: I deserve... nay, *demand* the right to honor our dear commissioner, as well.
Harley: Hear, hear!
[as she claps and whistles, he bows]
Rocco: [alerted to Joker's scowl, Henshaw gets his attention] Huh?
[they join in on the applause]
Harley: Gonna call in a specialist, boss?
The: No, no. Just an old friend who's dying to do me a favor.

Harleen: [the Joker places a giant fish head over Harley] You're really sick, you know that, boss?
The: Hmm-humm.

Detective: Hey, sugar, you wanna read me my rights?
Harley: [twirls her nightstick] You have the right to remain silent.
[whacks Bullock in the shin]
Detective: *Ow!*
Harley: Jerk.

The: My, haven't you been the busy little bees?
Harley: Puddin'?
The: You were out, so we just made ourselves at home. Hope you don't mind.
Harley: You found me!
Poison: So much for self-esteem.

[fleeing the city]
Harley: But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...
The: What about them?
Batman: Don't forget your little pets!
Harley: [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies!
The: I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!

Harley: Hey aren't you that plant lady... Poison Oaky?
Poison: IVY! Poison Ivy!

[a trio of Frat boys pull up alongside Harley and Ivy, and make some lewd comments]
Poison: Now boys, didn't your mommies teach you that's not the way to get a lady's attention?
Frat: [slaps his butt] And what are you gonna do, spank me?
Harley: That's right, pigs!
[raises a bazooka]
Harley: And here's the paddle!
[yelling, the boys leap out of their car and run just before Harley blows it to pieces]

Dr. Joan Leland: You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound.
Harley: [Begins jumping up and down] Weee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay!
[Regains composure]
Harley: Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland.
Dr. Joan Leland: That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself.
The: [shouting off screen] Unhand me!
Dr. Joan Leland: I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress.
[Batman and Robin are seen bringing in the Scarecrow]
The: I am the master of fear! The lord of despair! Cower before me in witless deter!
Harley: Hi, Professor Crane.
The: [Completely calm] Good evening, child.
[to Batman and Robin]
The: Worship me, fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible god of fear!
[the orderlies come to take him away]
Robin: I think he's getting better.

The: Come, my dear. We'll get to a safe altitude, then watch the fireworks.
Robin: It's lucky you were here, Harley. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up.
The: [under his breath] Quiet, brat.
Harley: You were gonna come back for me, weren't you, Puddin'?
The: Of course, Pumpkin Pie. It's just that, well, here you are. So I can, uh... save myself a trip.

The: Guess I'll have to find a new hobby now that old Charlie Collins is... Pfft!
Harley: Macrame's nice.
[explosion]
The: That came from outside! Rocco, Henshaw! I smell a bat!

Harley: Gee, boss, you really know how to put the fun in funeral.

Harley: Talk about grasping at straws! Oh well, at least I'm going out on a joke.

Batman: [firing his grappling gun] Grab on.
Harley: I can do it myself, thank you.
[she takes her own out, with a large composite of the Joker's face on top, and fires it]
Harley: Ha ha.
[getting conked on the head]
Harley: Ow!

Harley: There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day? Risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble?
Batman: I know what it's like to try to rebuild a life.
[He holds up a bag, and gives her the dress she wanted to buy, before getting in so much trouble]
Batman: I had a bad day too, once.
[Ecstatically, she takes the dress, then stands on tiptoe to kiss his cheek]
Harley: Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days.

[Boxy Bennett grabs Veronica and holds her, pointing a gun]
Boxcars: Back off, freak, or the dame's history!
[Harley knocks him out from behind with a fish]
Harley: Get your own hostage!