The Best The Penguin Quotes

Killer: You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...
The: I've come the closest.
Poison: Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
Two: [pounds the table] Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME!
[a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle]
The: The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...

The: I wanted the rare ones. The reverse audobon! These aren't even worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have Percival here peck out your eyes.

Rundle: Um, excuse me? Where will this take me?
The: On a sea cruise.

Rundle: This is an order my company received yesterday.
The: [taking it] "Titanium-steel wheel wells, 12-gauge piston pins..."
Rundle: Very few vehicles use such unusual materials as those.
The: And the point of this is what?
Rundle: I think these parts were ordered for the Batmobile.
The: Hmm?
Sheldrake: Tell him why, Arnie.
Rundle: Well, right after I got that order, Falcone told me about what happened to the Batmobile while it was chasing your limo the other day. From the description, I'd say the kind of damage the Batmobile would have sustained might require the kind of replacement parts in that order.
The: Yes. Yes, I understand.
Rundle: You do?
The: Why, yes. And it's absolutely brilliant. A first-rate piece of detective work. You are to be rewarded, sir.
Rundle: Reward?
The: Would $300,000 be enough?
Rundle: 300,000?
The: Oh, all right, 400,000, but that's my final offer.

The: Then we're going to pull a switch... on a switch.

The: [destroying the Batmobile and presumably killing Batman and Robin] Pity. It was a magnificent vehicle.

Two: Poison Ivy.
Poison: It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.
Two: Half of me wants to strangle ya.
Poison: And what does the other half want?
Two: To hit ya with a truck.
Poison: We used to date.
The: Ah.

The: [all the villains have weapons trained on Killer Croc, who is really Batman in disguise] Well, well, an impostor in our midst!
Poison: Risking everything for your kitty, Batman?
Two: You're not getting outta this one!
Batman: Maybe
[snaps his fingers. Everyone in the bar turns around and trains guns on the villains]
Batman: but I'm not bad with traps, myself.

The: Now what?
Sheldrake: Ah, the flipping thing darn near electrocuted me. It's some kind of security device to keep it from being tampered with.
The: Then disconnect it.
Sheldrake: I-I wouldn't even know where to look for it.
The: Well, I know who does. And he's going to help us. Aren't you, Earl?
Earl: In your dreams, Pinocchio.
The: And how, pray tell, did that costumed clown give you such a bad case of loyalty?
Earl: None of your business.
The: I'm making it my business. Perhaps you've heard of my umbrella weapons. Would you like to see what one can do to your daughter?

Earl: Yes, Batman. It's ready anytime you want to pick it up.
[hanging up]
Earl: He's on his way.
The: And we will be ready for him. Won't we, Earl? All right, gentlemen, battle stations! The Bat is about to bite... the dust, that is.

[first lines]
[a poker game starts at the Stacked Deck Club]
The: I want a nice, clean game, gentlemen.
The: That'll be a first...

The: Naturally, I had flown the coop by the time he escaped. Still, I almost got 'im.
The: Not even close! You see, the thing you're forgetting is that there are all sorts of ways to "get" someone. Take my latest run-in with Batsy. It was just last night, as the entire country was tuning in to its favorite talk show.

The: [unleashing a batch of birds on Batman] Beautiful, aren't they? Like glittering fragments of the rainbow. By the way, that mist I sprayed on you is derived from the nectar these birds drink. It's quite harmless. Their poison-tipped beaks, however, are not.
[he tries to fight them off]
The: A scratch or two will merely slow you down. Three or four, and you'll start to get drowsy. And after that, well... I wish I could say it's been nice knowing you.

[last lines]
The: [exclaims upon seeing a license plate] 1BAT4U?
[breaks it in half, growling angrily]

Two: Whose deal is it?
The: Mine. I find your middling machinations mildly diverting. But, for sheer criminal genius, none surpasses my most recent ornithologically-inspired entoilment.
The: Smaller words, please. You're losing Croc.
Killer: [Confused] Uhhh...

The: Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves.
The: Well put, sardine breath. I think we should pool our resources on this.
[pooling all their money together]
The: $51,240,685...
[taking out a change purse]
The: ....and... 53 cents.
Dr. Hugo Strange: Sold! And now, I give you Batman's secret identity, and after the show, you shall meet its star.
The: [waiting for the tape to start] Focus, focus, foooocus!
Dr. Hugo Strange: [the tape begins] It's a perfect plan. With this machine, I can imagine Batman to be anyone I choose, and these fools will pay a fortune for it!
[stopping the tape]
Dr. Hugo Strange: Wait! It's not the right tape!
The: [shooting it with his umbrella] Fellow miscreants, we've been had!
The: I'm going to use your head as a bowling ball, Strange.

[the Penguin lures and traps Batman in a bird conservatory]
The: Greetings, Batman! You have taken the bait, as I knew you would. Now, prepare to meet your end, within my Aviary of Doom!
Poison: [interrupting] Aviary of WHAT?
The: Yeesh, Pengers! How corny can you get?
The: Fah! Just because you mundane miscreants have no drama in your souls! Anyway, there he was in my av... uh, big birdhouse...

[the Joker wins the poker game]
Poison: Awww...
Two: No way!
Killer: Forget this!
The: Let me see those cards!

The: So, I hear You-Know-Who nailed The Mad Hatter last week...
The: No kidding! He sure gets around for one guy.
Two: Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.
Killer: Huh?
Two: The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace, like a S.W.A.T. team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but...
The: Ah, you're always seeing double.
The: It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
The: Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask!
[Dent, who was adding cream to his coffee, crushes the carton]
The: Uh, no offense, Harv.
Two: Just deal...
Killer: Well, you know what I think?
The: Not the robot theory again...
Killer: Well, he could be.