The Best Barbara Quotes

Beetlejuice: I gotta card around here, somewhere. Here, here. Who do I have to kill? Here hold that for me, would ya?
[hands Barbara a rat]
Barbara: Whoa! AHH!
Beetlejuice: There. There ya go.
Adam: You don't have to kill anybody!
Beetlejuice: Ah, possession! Good.
Barbara: [In Betelgeuse's voice] Learn to throw your voice! Fool your friends! Fun at parties!

Beetlejuice: I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action...
[a brothel appears]
Beetlejuice: [dances with joy] Hey, Adam, nice move!
Barbara: Adam, why did you build that?
Adam: I didn't!
[Adam and Barbara appear at Juno's office]
Juno: The whorehouse was my idea! I want you to get Beetlejuice out of the picture!

Adam: Barbara!
Barbara: Adam.
- Adam?
- Barbara.
Barbara: Adam!
- Adam. Oh, help.
- Barbara.
- Help, I'm getting all yellow.

Barbara: Perfect start to our vacation.
- Well, you'll feel better when you're dry, honey.
Barbara: That fire wasn't burning when we left.
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.

Barbara: [after Jane did not hear Adam call her] She didn't see you, right?
Adam: Unh-uh.
Barbara: [reading the handbook] In the book: "Rule Number Two: the living usually won't see the dead".
Adam: 'Won't' or 'can't'?
Barbara: It just says 'won't'. God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand anything in it.
[Adam takes the book and closes it]
Adam: Barb, honey... we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore.

[repeated line]
Barbara: Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.

Juno: What's wrong?
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead!

[in the waiting room of the afterlife]
Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when *you* die.
[points at a gaunt man smoking]
Receptionist: That is what happens when *he* dies.
[points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading]
Receptionist: And that is what happens when *they* die. It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something: if I knew then what I know now...
[shows her slit wrists]
Receptionist: ...I wouldn't have had my little accident.
[the dead people laugh]

Adam: Two weeks at home.
- The perfect vacation.
Barbara: Jane says we should sell the house to someone with a family.
- Well, I don't think that it's any of Jane's business.
- Besides, we could try again on this vacation, you know.
- Oh, really”? What are you saying?

Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual". I myself am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.

Adam: Cabin fever, hon?
Barbara: Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me?
Adam: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara: In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything.

Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you "Night of the Living Dead" under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits.

[Adam and Barbara see a dark room with decomposed souls]
Barbara: Oh, Adam... What is this?
Janitor: That's the lost souls room; a room for ghosts that have been exorcised. The poor devils. That's death for the dead. It's all in the handbook.
[he closes the shade of the room]
Janitor: Keep moving.

- But, Barbara, this house is too big for you.
- It really ought to be for a couple with a family, you know...?
- Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything.
- It's just that this house is too big.
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Okay.
- All right.
- Think about it.
Barbara: Take care.

- My god, that was close.
Barbara: I cannot watch this.
- What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away?
- Honey.
- No, I'm not putting up with this.

Adam: [reading] 'Handbook of the Recently Diseased'.
Barbara: ...*deceased*.
Adam: Deceased?
Barbara: I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher.
Adam: [does so] 'Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press'.
Barbara: You know what? I don't think we survived the crash!

Messenger: How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side.
Adam: Fine, you look fine.
Messenger: Yeah?
Barbara: Fine.
Messenger: Thanks, I've been feeling a little flat.
[he laughs and goes through the crevice in the filing room]