The Best Charles Quotes

Otho: [while Lydia shows them the attic] Fabulous. 'Otho Fenlock's Locked Door Ghosts' Probably committed suicide up there. I'm totally enchanted.
Delia: They're in there? They must live like animals.
Charles: It's locked. How'd they get in?
Delia: [bangs on the door] Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down and we'll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with!
Lydia: Shh! They didn't commit suicide.
Delia: It doesn't matter. Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.

Charles: As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement, okay?
Lydia: My whole life is a dark room. One big dark room.
Delia: So you were miserable in New York City, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.

- Listen, you guys, these ghosts are really nice people.
- I think we scared them away, so let's just leave them alone, all right?
- It's the whole damn town.
- I have never been so embarrassed.
- They haven't gone for good, have they?
- Hmm.
Charles: Beep, beep.
- Dad, don't. Mom, let's just go.

[reading The Handbook for the Living and the Dead]
Charles: This thing reads like stereo instructions.
[Harry Belafonte's "Shake Shake Senora" plays in the background]
Charles: Oh, sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test.
[a head sculpture of the Betelgeuse snake appears next to him]
Charles: Jeez!
[Charles falls out of his chair. Delia pulls the sculpture up and smiles]
Delia: He likes it.