The Best Ben Robson Quotes

Craig: You don't think I can keep my dick in my pants.
Deran: Nope.

Kalf: I need to piss.

Craig: [to Deran] You couldn't have taken the lock all the way off?
Deran: Did you want me to gift wrap it too?

Craig: I can't believe we did it. No more sucking mommy's dick.

Craig: Pope spent the night in jail.
Barry: Yeah, I heard. Not even long enough to make a toothbrush into a shiv.

Craig: I guess we're Lutheran. Who knew?
Deran: It must have been the cheapest.

Kalf: Earl Ingstad has left you to farm in England. What good is that to us? Peacefully, legally, we have removed the earl that was never here, the earl that came to power by murder, and the earl who has nothing between his legs but a goat's beard.

Craig: I'm not saying we're gonna hike a pyramid, but I'm gonna drink tequila on the beach or you're going home alone.

Craig: You guys suck at being rich.