The Best B.O.B. Quotes

[B.O.B. is stuck to the sole of a robot; it passes by a hot dog cart]
B.O.B.: Hot dogs!
[grabs the hot dog cart; is about to eat it when the robot takes a step]

Susan: I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.
The: Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.
B.O.B.: And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No no, that's me, B.O.B.
B.O.B.: Then I'll be a really giant lady.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: That's Susan, B.O.B.
B.O.B.: Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.
The: Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.
B.O.B.: I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!

The: Anyway, how, er, how was Derek?
[Susan sighs]
Susan: Derek is a selfish jerk.
B.O.B.: No!
Susan: Yes. All that talk about "us" - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno". There's no "us". There was only Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that? I'm such an idiot!
[she kicks the roof of the gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]
Susan: Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all the stuff I've done without him. Fighting an alien robot? That was me, not him. And that was amazing! Meeting you guys? Amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can crawl up walls and build a super-computer out of a pizza box, two cans of hairspray and...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: And a paper clip.
Susan: Amazing! And you - you hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried 250 co-eds off of Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard.
The: And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.
Susan: Amazing!
[B.O.B. lands]
Susan: B.O.B., who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?
B.O.B.: Link?
Susan: Y-you.
B.O.B.: Amazing!
[Insectosaurus roars]
The: Good point, Insecto. Susan, don't short-change yourself.
Susan: Oh, I'm not gonna short-change myself.
[stands at full height]
Susan: Ever again!

B.O.B.: Wow! Would you look at the size of that...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Foot!
[Cockroach and Link jump out of the way, as the robot steps on B.O.B]
B.O.B.: [from the sole of the robot's foot, as it's walking] I got him you guys! I go...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Don't worry, I won't let go! I'm wearing him dow...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down!
[robot takes a step]

Susan: [Fighting the robot] B.O.B.!
B.O.B.: What?
Susan: Help me!
B.O.B.: Sorry, I was just staring at this bird over there.

B.O.B.: [to a green jello] Hi. I'm benzoate ostylezene bicarbonate. Or you can call me B.O.B, whichever is easier. Did I come on too strong? I'm sorry. I'm a little rusty. I mean, I've be... I've been in prison my whole life. Why'd I mention prison?
[he slams his fist on the table, causing jello to shake]
B.O.B.: Oh, I didn't mean to scare you. Uh, I'm just gonna go. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

The: [as the ship is about to explode] It's been an honor knowing you, Doc.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: The feeling's mutual, my friend.
B.O.B.: I'll see you guys tomorrow, for lunch.
The: That's right, B.O.B.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: There'll be candy, cake; balloons.
B.O.B.: Cake and balloons for lunch? It's gonna be the best day ever! I love you guys!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [about B.O.B] Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.
B.O.B.: Turns out, you don't need one. Totally overrated! As a matter of fact, I don't even...
[starts gasping for air]
B.O.B.: I forgot how to breathe! Don't know how to breathe! Help me, Doctor Cockroach! Help! Help!
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Suck in, B.O.B.
B.O.B.: [breathes normally] Thanks, Doc. You're a life saver.

[B.O.B. picks up a three from a deck of cards, Insectosaurus is standing behind B.O.B]
The: Do you have any...
[Insectosaurus stomps three times]
The: Threes?
B.O.B.: Yes! I do! How are you doing this? You're the luckiest guy I know!
The: Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.

The: Halt! I, Gallaxhar, command you to hand over the prisoner this instant.
Gallaxhar: Clearly you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator!
[pause]
Gallaxhar: Well, what're you waiting for? You, and you!
[points at B.O.B and Dr. Cockroach]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Seriously?
Gallaxhar: Yes. Take the prisoner and the defective clone to the incinerator.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Uh, of course, sir.
Gallaxhar: And here's a security pass, just in case.
[he offers a laser gun to B.O.B]
Gallaxhar: Would you like a gun?
B.O.B.: Yes, I would. Hey, guys, look.
[gun goes off and hits clone]
The: Okay...

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Wow, what a shindig. Your parents really know how to throw it down.
The: What? No, that was a great party, one of the best I've even been to since I got out of prison.
B.O.B.: I must have been at a different party, 'cause that's not how I interpreted it at all. I don't think your parents like me, and I think that jello gave me a fake phone number.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Might we ask for your name, madam?
Susan: Susan.
B.O.B.: No, we mean like your monster name. You know, what do people scream when they see you coming? Like "Look out! Here comes...?"
Susan: Susan.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Really?
B.O.B.: [spookily] SUUUUSSAAANN! Ooh, I just scared myself! That is scary!

B.O.B.: Goodbye, Derek! Good luck getting over me.
Susan: Uh, B.O.B.? It's me he's never gonna get over.
B.O.B.: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait, wait, wait. You were dating Derek too? That two-timing jerk!

Susan: It's okay. They're with me. These are my new friends.
B.O.B.: [grabs Susan's mom, Wendy] Oh, Derek! I missed you so much! Thinking that we'd someday be together again. It's the only thing that got me through prison. I love you! I love this man!
[he hugs Wendy so hard he absorbs her into his body]
Susan: No, B.O.B.! That's my mother! You're suffocating her!
[B.O.B spits her out]
Carl: Honey, are you all right?
Wendy: I taste ham.
Susan: Sorry Mom. He's just a hugger.

B.O.B.: I think he sees us.
B.O.B.: [to alien robot] Hey! Hi! How you doing! Welcome! We are here to destroy you!

The: [about Susan] She's speechless!
B.O.B.: She?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Yes. We are in the prescence of the rare female monster.
B.O.B.: No way! It's a boy; look at his boobies!
The: We need to have a talk.

B.O.B.: I may not have a brain, gentlemen, but I have an idea.

The: No monster has ever gotten out of here.
B.O.B.: That's not true! The invisible man did.
The: No he didn't. We just told you that so you wouldn't get upset.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: He died of a heart attack twenty-five years ago.
B.O.B.: Nooo!
The: Yeah. In that very chair.
[motions towards an empty chair]
The: He's still there.