The Best Captain Quotes

Captain: A cocktail before you dine?
Janet: Oh, thank you!
[looks at menu and is stunned at the prices]
Janet: I believe I'll have some water.
Chrissy: [eyes bugging out at the menu prices] Me, too.
Captain: Of course. Would you care for the imported Rumanian, the Mountain Clear or the Gillian Sparkling?
Chrissy: I'd like Santa Monica tap!

Captain: [as Jack tries to slip out of the French restaurant by riding on the trolley] Monsieur, what is this?
Jack: Uh... uh... Jack a-la carte!