20 Best Audra Lindley Quotes

Stanley: [blowing up balloon for the surprise birthday party] Boy, you need a lot of air for this.
Helen: I picked the right man for the job.
[grins]
Stanley: Have you any idea where you'd like me to put these balloons?
Helen: Yes.
[wicked grin, then shrugs]
Helen: But just hang them on the wall.

Stanley: I bet this cot told some great stories.
Mrs. Roper: I wish ours could.

Jack: [with Helen looking at him quizzically as he is still standing there with noodles streaming down after Linda poured the big bowl of soup over his head] She brought me some chicken soup.
Helen: I think you were supposed to eat it.
Jack: I didn't have time.

Helen: Stanley, you can't play a bugle at a wedding. It's not appropriate.
Stanley: Why not? It started all the other wars.

[first lines]
Helen: [laughing as she regales the youngsters] And then - and then there was this woman who was always behind in her rent. And
[snickers]
Helen: one day she came down to our apartment with dollar bills stuck all over her nude body. And she said to Stanley, she said "Well, if you want your rent, you're just gonna have to take it off me."
[laughs]
Janet: Oh, Mrs. Roper, did he?
Helen: Yeah, he did. But I made him leave the room while I took the last three dollars.

Helen: [naked behind the flower box] Don't come over here, Stanley!
Stanley: Why not? What are you got back there that I haven't seen before?
Janet: Me!
Chrissy: Janet, what are you doing back there?
Janet: Giving the azalias a thrill.

Stanley: [because of misunderstanding, believes Chrissy is in love with him] I don't understand! Why is she playing so hard-to-get?
Helen: Look what she's getting.

Chrissy: I woke up with a headache this morning.
Helen: So did I.
Chrissy: Mine was pounding.
Helen: Mine was snoring.
[both laugh]

Chrissy: [re Mr. Roper putting up drape] How's it coming?
Stanley: [hurt himself with pin] Got a band-aid?
Chrissy: Oh, did you hurt yourself?
Helen: Yeah, Stanley's been sticking himself with those drapery pins. I guess his eyes are beginning to go too.
Chrissy: What size of them do you need?
Stanley: You got one big enough to cover her mouth?
[laughs at his own little joke, no one else does, and he tries the pin again]
Stanley: Ow, ow, ow! That went right through my thumb.
Chrissy: Lemme look at it. That's funny, you're not bleeding.
Helen: Well, like everything else about Stanley, it takes a while to get started.

Stanley: [Helen and Janet are naked] Why didn't you go into the apartment?
Helen: The door's locked!
Stanley: Why didn't you take your key?
Helen: Where would I keep it, Stanley?

Helen: [Mrs. Roper asks Chrissy if she can borrow some money to pay for her U.P.S. delivery. Chrissy is short a few dollars and offers Mrs. Roper an I.O.U] Chrissy, you can't give an I.O.U. to the U.P.S. for a C.O.D.! They might call the F.B.I.!
[She then laughs as Chrissy looks stupified]

Stanley: I'm a married man, Helen. What am I gonna do with a beach full of naked women?
Helen: Good Lord, he's even forgotten that.

Helen: You know, I really don't understand this silly contest of yours.
Chrissy: Oh, it's not silly. You see, if Jack has any kind of fun at all with a girl, he loses. And if I die of starvation, I win.

Stanley: Helen! Helen, I'm in bad shape.
Helen: [thinks he's just trying to weasel out of taking her out tonight] Stanley, do me a favor. Don't make excuses until I make demands.

Helen: Oh, why don't you go see your dentist!
Stanley: What for?
Helen: Because your toothache is giving me a pain.
Stanley: Then you go see the dentist.
Helen: The place I got a pain you don't see a dentist.

Stanley: What's the cake for?
Helen: We're celebrating.
Stanley: Celebrating what?
Helen: The tenth anniversary of my new spring outfit.

Stanley: Will you put some clothes on? My wife's here!
Helen: Mind your own business, Stanley.
Stanley: What if the towel slips?
Helen: Mind your own business, Stanley.
Chrissy: Jack, you have some shaving cream on your face.
Jack: Oh, thank you.
Chrissy: [shouts] No, Jack!
Helen: Mind your own business, Chrissy!

Stanley: I want my rent!
Helen: Stanley, where are your manners? You're supposed to say hello when you walk into a room.
Stanley: Hello, I want my rent!

[Stanley has been caught eavesdropping]
Helen: Now, you should say you're sorry.
Stanley: All right, all right. Listen kids, I'm really very sorry.
Helen: And you'll never do it again.
Stanley: And I'll never do it again.
Helen: And you'll take fifty dollars off this month's rent.
Stanley: And I'll never do it again.

Stanley: Helen, I just wanted to prove to you that other woman found me attractive. And I proved it.
Mrs. Roper: Well, fine, go to her. See if I care. I hope you're happy.
Stanley: I don't want to be happy; I want to be with you.