The Best D.L. Hughley Quotes

John: Sir, I think you should go on the tv and tell everyone there is no such things as UFO's.
President: Don't spell in front of me damn it.

Keith: Black parents and white parents are just different, no better, no worse. Like Poltergeist, little white girl gets trapped in the TV, the mom's all hysterics, crying, "Aahhh! Carolyn's in the TV! What are we gonna do?" You know if that had been a black mama, she would've been proud. She'd call her friends, "Girl, turn to channel two. My baby's on TV!"

Gadgetmobile: Let's team up: I'll go after them; and you say 10-4!
Inspector: 10-4?
Gadgetmobile: Right. See ya!
[speeds off after some escaped convicts, leaving Gadget just standing there]

Keith: White people get to do things black people don't get to do. Elvis been dead fifteen years, people still see him. You never hear somebody say, "I just saw Marvin Gaye! He was at the mall. Well, you know, I heard it through the grapevine!"

Gadgetmobile: Who are you, rookie?
Inspector: I'm Officer John Brown, and you're exceeding the speed limit.
Gadgetmobile: Speed limits are for cars, not the Gadgetmobile.
Inspector: Are you - Are you talking to me?
Gadgetmobile: Speaking of breaking the law, who's not wearing a seat belt? You gotta wear the belt, baby. It's a Disney movie.

[at Scolex Industries]
Gadgetmobile: Can you find the Scolex Building from here, or should I call the police?
Inspector: I am the police!
Penny: Hey, wait! What about me?
Gadgetmobile: You're smarter than he is. Stay in the car.

Gadgetmobile: [two guys are trying to steal a Dodge Viper but Inspector Gadget doesn't notice that they are actually ecaped convicts and this upsets the Gadgetmobile] That's it. I can't take this anymore. Step away from the Viper!

Gadgetmobile: Better buckle up, Penny. This car's only got two speeds: "Fast" and "WOW! What Was That?"

Keith: We've been broke since the day before forever. We get around being poor by putting things on layaway and we leave it there for a long time, don't we? I know brothers that still got bellbottoms on layaway. You ever leave something on layaway so long, you don't even recognize it? "Damn, when'd I get an 8-track tape player? It's paid for now."

President: Get me the President.
John: You are the President.
President: Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch.

Will: What's so hard about being a comic you just stand on stage and tell jokes.
Keith: Tell jokes? Telling jokes is what your drunk uncle Lou does at weddings
Will: Uncle Lou ain't no drunk he just got a slight inner ear infection

Keith: Black people and white people are just different, no better, no worse. You see a white guy in the unemployment line going, "$210 dollars a week? How the hell am I gonna live on $210 dollars a week?" They'll be a brother behind him, "$210 dollars a week? For nothing? Baby, get the kids, we done come up!"