Top 50 Quotes From Donkey

Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

Donkey: Are my kids cute or do they make people uncomfortable?

Shrek: Look out, princess. Here comes the new me.
[his pants fall down]
Donkey: First things first. We need to get you out of those clothes.
[the maidens gasp with delight]

Donkey: [Reading Sign] Wer-sestor-shiray? Sounds fancy!
Shrek: No, it's Worcestershire.
Donkey: Like the Sauce? Spicy!

Princess: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Princess: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]

Donkey: [Hook's men wheel his piano in during the fight] Look out! They got a piano!

[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]
The: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess: Thanks.
The: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.

Donkey: Say, Shrek, what're we gonna do with our swamp?
Shrek: OUR swamp?
Donkey: You know, when we're though rescuing the princess and all that...
Shrek: Donkey, there's no "we", no "our". There's just ME and MY swamp! And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me very deep just now... You know what, Shrek? I think this whole wall thing is to keep somebody out!
Shrek: [sarcastic] No! You think?
Donkey: Are you hiding something?
Shrek: Let it go, Donkey.
Donkey: Oh, this is one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, it's one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things.
Donkey: Why won't you talk about it?
Shrek: Why do you WANT to talk about it?
Donkey: Then why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking!
Donkey: Oh, yes you are!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you...
Donkey: Just who are you trying to keep away? Just tell me that, Shrek? Who?
Shrek: EVERYONE! Okay?
[pause]
Donkey: Oh, now we're getting somewhere!
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete...

Shrek: Oh, look! A little cat.
[Puss-in-boots brandishes his sword]
Donkey: Look out, Shrek, he got a piece!

[Shrek, his swamp filled with fairytale creatures, glares at Donkey]
Donkey: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them!
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us!
Shrek: What?
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here!
Shrek: By who?
Little: Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed... and he signed an eviction notice.

[eyeing the "KEEP OUT" signs surrounding Shrek's home]
Donkey: I guess you don't, uh... entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, y'know?
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: Can I stay with you?
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Can I stay with you... *please?*
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there, you don't know what it's like to be treated as a freak!... Well, maybe you do... but that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please! PLEASE!

Donkey: Hey, look at this!
[he goes up to an information booth and pulls a lever. After some clicking, many mechanized marionettes pop out and begin singing]
Clockwork: Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town / Here we have some rules, let us lay them down: / Don't make waves, stay in line / And we'll get along fine / Duloc is a perfect place!
Clockwork: Please keep off of the grass / Shine your shoes, wipe your... FACE! / Duloc is, Duloc is / Duloc is a perfect... place!
[the booth takes Donkey and Shrek's photo, showing them stunned]
Donkey: Wow. Let's do that again!
Shrek: [grabs Donkey] No! No, no no no. No.

Donkey: Shrek and I drank this potion and well, now... we're sexy!

Donkey: You know what would pick up the morale in here? Flip-flop Fridays. You can feel the breeze in your toes.

Shrek: [learning there's a way to void his deal with Rumpel] Donkey, I've read the fine print and there's nothing about an exit clause in here.
Donkey: Well, you didn't expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it's done. I didn't spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks. Your tiny little ogre brain couldn't begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills.
Shrek: What are you doing?
Donkey: Hey, I can't get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you.
[folding the contract over itself]
Donkey: Okay, here's what you got to do. You got to fold this piece here... make this letter match up here... and bring this corner here like this... and if you do it just right, it will show you what to do. There!
[showing him the finished product]
Donkey: "Try Lou's Bliss."
[awkward silence]
Donkey: Man, who's Lou?
Shrek: Give me that!
[re-folding it]
Shrek: "True love's kiss."
Donkey: [looking at him suspiciously] Hey. Boy, you gonna have to take me to dinner first.

Donkey: I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?
The: Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels.
Puss: Hmmm... he sounds dreamy.

Donkey: I don't wanna die! I don't wanna DIE! Oh, sweet sister mother of mercy! I'm melting! I'M MEEELTIIING!
Shrek: It's just the rain, Donkey.

[Dragon looms above Donkey]
Donkey: Oh, what large teeth you have!
[Dragon roars]
Donkey: I mean, white sparkly teeth! I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there! And do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know something, you're...
[the Dragon looks closer and Donkey sees she's female]
Donkey: A girl dragon... Oh, sure, I mean of COURSE you're a girl dragon! You're just reeking of feminine beauty and... hey, what's the matter with you, you got somethin' in your eye?
[Dragon blows out a heart-shaped cloud of smoke]
Donkey: Ohh... well, you know, I gotta go. I'm an asthmatic, I don't hold with smoke rings and stuff. SHREK!
[Dragon picks Donkey up and carries him away]

Donkey: [singing "Tomorrow"] Tomorrow , Tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow... .
Shrek: [while Donkey is singing] Donkey, where am I? What's happening?
Wagon: Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song
[whips Donkey]
Donkey: [starts singing part of "Papa don't preach"] But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby...
Wagon: Yeah, I'm driving, so, uh, I'm in charge of the music
[whips Donkey]
Donkey: Hey, will you witches make up your mind, please?

Donkey: Please eat my face last and send my hooves to my momma!

Donkey: You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.

Shrek: [after an attempt to break Rumpel's curse doesn't work] I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
Princess: Yeah, you know what? That's what they told me, too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did. I saved myself. Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale.
Shrek: Fiona, don't say that. It does exist!
Princess: And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? Did you live all alone in a miserable tower? Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?
Shrek: But... but I'm your true love.
Princess: Then where were you when I needed you?
Donkey: [Fiona leaves] Maybe you kissed her wrong?
Shrek: No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.

Shrek: [figuring out how to break his contract with Rumpel] If Fiona and I share true love's kiss, I will get my life back!
Donkey: [jumping out of his arms] Okay! This isn't a petting zoo! So where is this Fiona?
Shrek: Well, that's just it, you see. I don't know.
Donkey: You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps. So, uh, where did you leave her last?
Shrek: The last time I saw her... I told her I wished I'd never rescued her.
[realizing where she is]
Shrek: Oh, no.
Donkey: [cut to them approaching the castle] Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, no, wait! Wait, Shrek! What, are you crazy? That's the Dragon's Keep! They keep dragons in there!

Donkey: Princess?... You look... uh... different.
Princess: [as ogre] I'm UGLY! Okay?
Donkey: Yeah! What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!
Princess: No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey: What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!
Princess: It only happens when the sun goes down.
[looks at her reflection in a water barrel]
Princess: "By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form."
Donkey: Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Princess: It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.
[starts sobbing]
Donkey: All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly... well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7!
Princess: But Donkey, I'm a princess! And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!
Donkey: How about you don't marry Farquaad?
Princess: I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey: Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common.
Princess: Shrek?

Donkey: [singing] Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Rawhide! Line 'em up, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out, Pound dead, Make 'em tea, Buy 'em drinks, Meet their mommas, Milk 'em hard, RAWHIDE! YEE-HAW!

Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread? You know, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek: Oh, I know. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Donkey: Uh... no, not really, no.

Donkey: We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!

Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I?
Donkey: Ah... really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: [taken aback] Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Er... Shrek.

Donkey: Shrek! Hold up, Shrek! You got to wait for the line!
Shrek: [about to burst into the cathedral] What are you talking about?
Donkey: The line, the line you gotta wait for: the priest's gonna say "Speak now or forever hold your piece", and you rush in and say "I object!"
Shrek: I don't have time for all that!
[runs forward]
Donkey: [stops Shrek] You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: YES!
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS! Chicks love that romantic crap!
Shrek: All right, cut it out! When does this guy say the line?
Donkey: ...We gotta check that out.

Shrek: Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you.
Princess: Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek: Good question! You can ask him that when we get there...
Princess: But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET!
Donkey: Well, so much for noble steed!
Shrek: Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier...
Princess: Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here!
[sits down]
Shrek: Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!
Princess: You wouldn't dare...!
[Shrek carries her off]
Shrek: You coming, Donkey?
Donkey: Yeah, I'm right behind you.

Donkey: Hey, what's your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...
Donkey: You know, Shrek... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.

[Donkey keeps humming the "Duloc" song]
Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
Donkey: Sorry 'bout that.

Donkey: Shrek, remember when you said that ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye?
Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.
Shrek: Wait a second, donkeys don't have sleeves!
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!

Donkey: [seeing Shrek naked in the bed] Aahh! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!

Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.
Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?

Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!
Shrek: [hiding in the toilet] Go away!
Donkey: See? There you are, doing it again! Just like you did to Fiona! All she ever did was like you maybe, even love you!
Shrek: LOVE me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking!
Donkey: She wasn't talking about you, okay? She was talking about... uh... somebody else.
Shrek: [comes out] She... wasn't... talking about me?

Shrek: Donkey? you're a...
Donkey: A stallion, baby! I can whinny!
[whinnies]
Donkey: I can count!
[stomps his hoof]
Donkey: Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting!

Shrek: I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happened?
Puss: Allow me to explain. When a man falls in love with a woman, he is overcome with powerful urges...
Shrek: I know how it happened! I just can't believe it.
Donkey: [to Puss] How does it happen?

Princess: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no...
Princess: Why not?
Shrek: I... have helmet hair.
Princess: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: [bangs his head] What? That wasn't in the job description!
The: Maybe it's a perk!
Princess: No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
The: With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess: Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]
Princess: What is so funny?
Shrek: Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?

Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.

Chef: Bon appétit!
Donkey: Oh, Mexican food! My favorite.

Donkey: And I thought the waffle fairy was just a bedtime story!

Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...

[after drinking a beauty potion]
Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?
Puss: You still look like an ass to me.

[trying to get Puss, Donkey accidentally kicks Shrek in the groin]
Donkey: Did I miss?
Shrek: No. You got them.

[the dragon has eaten Lord Farquaad and spits out his crown]
Donkey: Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
[receives applause from the crowd]
Donkey: Good evening, people.

Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?
Donkey: I do?
Shrek: You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy.
Donkey: I'm a daddy?

[looking for a certain type of flower]
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!

Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa, look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: 'That' would be my home.
Donkey: Oh... and it is LOVELY! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.

Shrek: Sorry, but this order's to go.
Cookie: But I haven't taken out his gibblets yet.
Shrek: Trust me, you don't want to eat this one.
Donkey: I go down smooth, but I come out fightin'!