The Best Princess Fiona Quotes

Princess: I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

[last lines]
Shrek: You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
Princess: You did.
Shrek: No. It was you who rescued me.

Princess: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no...
Princess: Why not?
Shrek: I... have helmet hair.
Princess: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: [bangs his head] What? That wasn't in the job description!
The: Maybe it's a perk!
Princess: No, it's destiny! You must know how it goes! A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
The: With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?
Princess: Well, yes!
[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]
Princess: What is so funny?
Shrek: Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?

Princess: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Princess: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]

Shrek: [after an attempt to break Rumpel's curse doesn't work] I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
Princess: Yeah, you know what? That's what they told me, too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did. I saved myself. Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale.
Shrek: Fiona, don't say that. It does exist!
Princess: And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? Did you live all alone in a miserable tower? Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?
Shrek: But... but I'm your true love.
Princess: Then where were you when I needed you?
Donkey: [Fiona leaves] Maybe you kissed her wrong?
Shrek: No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.

[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]
Queen: Harold!
Princess: Shrek!
Shrek: Fiona...
King: Fiona!
Princess: Mom!
Queen: Harold!
Donkey: [happily] Donkey!

[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]
Princess: Oh, Dad...
Queen: Harold...
Pinocchio: Is he... oh...
[there's a "ribbit"]
Gingerbread: He croaked...
[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]
Queen: ...Harold?
Princess: ...Dad?
King: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...
Donkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!
Shrek: Donkey!
King: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]
Queen: Harold...
King: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...
Queen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...

Merry: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!
Monsieur: I steal from the rich and give to the needy...
Merry: He takes a wee percentage...
Monsieur: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!
Merry: What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!
Monsieur: Break it down...
[Merry Men Irish step dance]
Monsieur: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...
Merry: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...
Monsieur: Paid!
Monsieur: So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.
Merry: [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!
Monsieur: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!
Merry: He's mad, he's really, really mad!
Monsieur: Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start...
[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]
Princess: Man, that was annoying!

Queen: So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live.
Princess: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey?
Shrek: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...
Donkey: What?
[laughs]
Donkey: I know you ain't talking about the swamp.
Shrek: Donkey!
King: An ogre from a swamp. How original.
Queen: I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.
[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon]
Shrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
King: Indeed! I just started eating.

Princess: And when the smoke clears... Wait, what's this?
Cookie: That's my chimichanga stand.
Princess: Um, no, Cookie. We won't be needing that.
Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y'all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, OK? Now go and finish your little speech.

King: Who on earth are they?
Queen: I think that's our little girl!
King: That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?
Queen: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...
Shrek: Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!
Princess: But they're my parents!
Shrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower!
Princess: Hey, that was for my own...
King: Good! Now's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.
Queen: Harold! We have to be...
Shrek: Quick, while they're not looking, we can make a run for it!
Princess: Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be...
King: A disaster! There's no way...
Princess: You can do this.
Shrek: But I really...
King: Really...
Queen: Really...
Shrek: Don't...
Princess: Want...
Queen: To...
Shrek: Be...
King: He-ere.

Princess: Shrek?
Puss: For you, baby, I could be.

Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Princess: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!

Princess: Where are you going? The exit's over there!
Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Princess: [shocked] What kind of knight ARE you?
Shrek: One of a kind.

Princess: [after learning that Rapunzel is dating Prince Charming] Rapunzel! How could you?
Rapunzel: Jealous, much?

Princess: [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
Princess: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
[They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims]
Princess: That's not the point...!

[Shrek has been hit by an arrow]
Princess: Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...
Donkey: Why, what's wrong?
Princess: Shrek's hurt!
Donkey: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay!
Donkey: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?
Princess: [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!
Shrek: DONKEY!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!
[runs off]
Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess: For getting rid of Donkey.

[Shrek storms out of the party and Fiona follows him outside]
Princess: Unbelievable.
Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers are...
Princess: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?
Shrek: Oh, great, so this is all MY fault?
Princess: Yes! But, you know what? Let's talk about this after the party, at home.
Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? "Step right up! See the dancing ogre! Don't worry, he won't bite!" I USED to be an ogre! Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!
Princess: OK, OK, maybe you're not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.
Shrek: Ah, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It's not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.
Princess: And the other half locked away in a tower.
Shrek: [sighs] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me and I could take a mud bath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it! Back when the world made sense!
Princess: You mean back before you rescued me from the Dragon's Keep?
Shrek: Exactly!
Princess: [looks at Shrek in shock] Shrek. You have three beautiful children. A wife who loves you. Friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that is you?
[Fiona goes back inside for the party]
Shrek: That's just great.
[walks away]

[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]
The: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess: Thanks.
The: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.

Snow: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space]
Princess: What are you doing?
Sleeping: [Snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued.
[falls back asleep]

Shrek: Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you.
Princess: Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek: Good question! You can ask him that when we get there...
Princess: But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET!
Donkey: Well, so much for noble steed!
Shrek: Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier...
Princess: Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here!
[sits down]
Shrek: Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!
Princess: You wouldn't dare...!
[Shrek carries her off]
Shrek: You coming, Donkey?
Donkey: Yeah, I'm right behind you.

Shrek: Good morning.
Princess: Good morning. Ooh, morning breath.
Shrek: Yeah. Isn't it wonderful?

King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!
Princess: Dad, it's alright, it's alright. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon.
Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?

Queen: [smashes wall with her head]
Princess: Mom?
Queen: What? You didn't think you inherited your fighting skills from your father?

Princess: They just want to give us their blessing.
Shrek: Oh, great! Now I need their blessing?
Princess: Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.
Shrek: Who said I want to be part of this family?
Princess: Uh... you did? When you married me?
Shrek: Well, there's some fine print for ya.

Princess: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

Donkey: Princess?... You look... uh... different.
Princess: [as ogre] I'm UGLY! Okay?
Donkey: Yeah! What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!
Princess: No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey: What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!
Princess: It only happens when the sun goes down.
[looks at her reflection in a water barrel]
Princess: "By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form."
Donkey: Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Princess: It's a spell! When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.
[starts sobbing]
Donkey: All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly... well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7!
Princess: But Donkey, I'm a princess! And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!
Donkey: How about you don't marry Farquaad?
Princess: I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey: Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common.
Princess: Shrek?