The Best Rupert Everett Quotes

Dr. Claw: [after being defeated by Inspector Gadget] Arrivederci, Gadget! This is NOT goodbye. I'll get you next time, Gadget! I'll get you!

Dr. Claw: [on Gadget] Dump this idiot in the junkyard.
Sikes: Yes, boss.
[grabs Kramer]
Dr. Claw: Oh, no, not that idiot, this one.
Sikes: I wish you'd be specific, we got an awful lot of idiots around here.

Scolex: [on his claw] This is sort of post-modern Captain Hook kind of feel it. Very "diabolical." I deserve a dashing appellation.
Kramer: A dashing appellation. What is that? A hillbilly with a tuxedo?

Inspector: I don't know what you're up to, Scolex, but you'll never get away with it!
Dr. Claw: Oh, how cliché, Inspector. I think somebody's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons.
[Dr. Claw, Kramer and Inspector Gadget look at the camera]

Dr. Claw: Goodbye, Mr Chip.
[destroys Gadget's chip]

Scolex: Hello. Sanford Scolex. We were at Harvard together.
Dr. Brenda Bradford: We were?
Scolex: Oh, you don't recognize me. That's because I've changed. I was obese. Maybe you remember me like this.
[fills his mouth with air to simulate his prior obesity]

[opening lines]
Prince: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land everyone was happy, until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-
[Charming gasps at the sight of the Big Bad Wolf]
Wolf: What?
Prince: Princess... Fiona?
Wolf: NO!
Prince: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?
Wolf: She's on her honeymoon.
Prince: Honeymoon? With whom?

Officer: Attention: Driver of the wrecked limo attached to the "Yahoo!" billboard, this is security officer John Brown. Please step out of the vehicle immediately, or... else.
Scolex: [stepping out, unable to give in without a fight] Fine work, Mr. Security Guard, you got me. Here, have a victory cigar.
[pulls out a cigar and lights it...]
Officer: No, thanks.
Scolex: Remember: Smoking kills.
[tosses cigar]
Officer: I don't smoke!
Scolex: [laughs] Oh, really? You will now.
Officer: Oh, boy...
[the cigar blows up John; also sending a bowling ball rocketing out of John's car. Scolex closes his sunroof, but the bowling ball falls through the sunroof before closing, and crushes his left hand]
Scolex: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY HAND!

Prince: You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Shrek?
Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not
Prince: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
Prince: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably
Prince: Stop it!
Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was
[Pigs and Gingerbread Man begin singing]
Pinocchio: That'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.

Inspector: I don't get it. Why would you do this?
Dr. Claw: I'll tell you why. To make techno-warriors that never get tired, never get hungry, and never say "no". Every army in the world would be made up of my creations. Imagine the confusion, Gadget, huh? Imagine the perks. COMPRENDÉ?
Inspector: Yeah, I comprendé.
Dr. Claw: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. I comprendo, yo comprendo. Conjugate the word, for pity's sake.

[Scolex contemplates on a nickname]
Scolex: Too bad Hook is taken, eh?
Sikes: How 'bout Captain Claw?
Kramer: Or Santa Claw?
Scolex: Just Claw, one word... like Madonna.

Inspector: You blew me up and my Chevette. And I really liked that car.
Dr. Claw: Well, you crushed my hand and I really liked that hand. So Go-Go get over it!

Scolex: Why, it's that annoying little security guard from the institute. So he's the lucky duck they plucked for the Gadget Program. Heh! Irony bounds.

Dr. Brenda Bradford: Two things, Scolex! One, you are completely insane!
[Claw shrugs]
Dr. Brenda Bradford: And two, I liked you better fat!
[Claw is shocked. His cat hides...]
Dr. Claw: BRING ON THE BROWNIES! WHEEL IN THE WAFFLES! I'M READY TO BINGE! Ha-ha-ha!

Shrek: [to Charming] Those are some nice leotards, though
Prince: Oh, thank you.
Shrek: Do they have those in men's sizes?
[audience laughs]