The Best Ellen Wong Quotes

[Sam snorts some cocaine, then looks at Sheila]
Sam: Am I good?
Sheila the She Wolf: Yeah.
[Bash, wearing an Elvis jumpsuit, comes downstairs with the other ladies]
Sebastian: Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Yes! Yes! Glorified, get in here. Get in here.
[Bash notices Rhonda carrying an Uzi]
Sebastian: Whoa, a gun! Cool!
Sam: What the fuck is this?
Sebastian: Costumes, characters.
[Sam looks at Tammé]
Sam: You look ridiculous.
Tammé: This is my new character, Sam. I'm not a pimp. I'm a queen.
Sebastian: We're exploring some ideas.
Sam: We don't need new ideas! I have ideas!
Sebastian: Sam, your ideas are so complicated. Okay.
[points at Melrose]
Sebastian: Check this chick out, right? This is clear. She's a sexy party girl. And she's a ripoff of Madonna, who is so huge right now.
Melanie: What?
Sebastian: And this one.
[points at Jenny]
Sebastian: She walks into the ring. There's no backstories or dialogue about where she came from. You look at her, what's the first thing that jumps out at you?
Rhonda: Her eyes.
Jenny: Aw!
Sebastian: Bingo! She's oriental!
Sebastian: [points at Reggie] You're a jock.
[points at Arthie]
Sebastian: You're an Arab.
[points at Tammé]
Sebastian: You're a big black girl.
Tammé: The fuck you say?
Sebastian: It's not a judgment. It's just what I and the entire world see with our eyes. And in wrestling, that is the foundation upon which we need to build.

[while rehearsing the opening match between the Red Scare and the Beatdown Biddies]
Sam: All right, so we do the match. Do the match.
[Ruth and Jenny charge towards Dawn and Stacey]
Dawn: Wait, what are you doing?
Sam: Do the match.
Stacey: Yeah, Russian. We're gonna make your bottom red, just like your politics.
[Stacey starts spanking Ruth]
Ruth: I think we should address the Challenger in the show, hit it head-on.
Stacey: Why? To make everyone cry?
Ruth: Yes, exactly. For catharsis.
Dawn: What is that? One of your theater terms?
Sam: All right, now let's kick those Biddies out of the ring.
Stacey: Yeah, out of the ring. Out of the show. Maybe they died in the Challenger explosion.
Jenny: Stacey, too soon.
Sam: Oh, terrific. I can't wait to hear this bitching for the next three months.

[Stacey takes a quick smoke from a pipe]
Stacey: This will be my masterpiece.
Dawn: Okay, I can't wait.
Stacey: All right.
[Stacey picks up the phone and dials]
Stacey: Hello? Yes, is this Melanie Rosen?
Melanie: Yeah?
Stacey: Melanie Danielle Rosen?
Melanie: Mm-hmm.
Stacey: Yes, this is Lisa from Dr. Goldberg's office. We have your test results. You have AIDS... in your butt.
Melanie: Oh, my God. Really? Because I was just in my really good friends Dawn and Stacey's room, and suddenly, out of nowhere, I started bleeding right out of my butt. And the only way I could get it to stop was to was by shoving both of their toothbrushes into my anus!
[Melrose hangs up and storms out of her room]
Melanie: Get a life, you fucking hags!
[walks back into her room]
Melanie: How does everyone know my fucking real name?
Jenny: I don't know.
Melanie: What are you doing?
Jenny: My hair.
Melanie: For who?
Jenny: For me. Self-esteem. Hello?
Melanie: I can't look at you anymore. Any, any of you. I gotta get the fuck out of here.
Jenny: We could go out, but we have to be back by ten.
Melanie: Fuck!

Ruth: Hey, Tammé, you're on.
Tammé: I'll be there in a second.
Ruth: [Ruth notices the ladies watching the Challenger disaster replay on TV] What is that?
Sheila the She: The Florida coast. We're just staring at the water where they crashed.
Carmen: I feel like if we keep watching, something might change.
Melanie: Ugh, this is like when my grandma was in a coma. We all just sat there, like sitting was gonna do something.
Cherry: Sometimes it does.
Melanie: Um, it didn't. She loved to keep people waiting.
Carmen: [Jenny enters the dressing room with some lit incense sticks and a bowl of ash and places them on the table] Jenny, there are no windows in here.
Jenny: Well, if there were, it'd be much easier to let out the bad energy.
Melanie: Well, if there were, it'd be much easier to let out the bad energy.
Jenny: I'm not. But my aunt once got into this really big car accident, and my dad said it was because our living room was painted purple.
[Jenny looks at Melrose, whose outfit is purple]

Sam: All right, where's my real actress? Where's Strindberg?
Ruth: [raises hand] Oh, here!
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Sam: Know any good party tricks?
Ruth: Um... I can do, um... Audrey Hepburn winning an Oscar for Roman Holiday.
Sam: Hmm.
Ruth: [imitating Audrey Hepburn] I am truly, truly grateful... and terribly happy.
Sam: Very winsome.
Ruth: Yeah.
Sam: Where's your friend?
Ruth: Oh. Um... who?
Sam: You know, that smoking hot blonde who kicked your ass the other day. Where's she? How come she's not here?
Ruth: She's probably at home in Pasadena with her baby.
Sam: Why isn't she here?
Ruth: She's not supposed to be here. She wasn't auditioning.
Tammé: Yeah, she just came to stomp the homewrecker.
[silence]
Ruth: Oh! Oh... I see what happened. You all thought that was real, didn't you? No, we planned that.
Jenny: Oh my gosh, of course! This makes total sense. She's on a soap.
Sam: [looking at Ruth] You're on a soap?
Jenny: No. No no. Not her, the pretty one. The one who slapped her. She's Laura Morgan on Paradise Cove. Until... Until... she had to have reconstructive surgery after a year-long coma.
Ruth: Also known as getting written off the show. But I love her, she's great.
Sam: Wait, what's her name?
Jenny: Debbie Eagan. She was also in one episode of Murder, She Wrote. I watch a lot of Murder, she wrote and Wheel of Fortune, TV in general.
Cherry: Are you done? 'Cause some of us like to work.

Bash: I'd like to toast my mother for organizing all this.
Birdie: Aw.
Bash: But before I bring her up here, I'd like to... bring up some other... powerful, equally admirable women. Women who have struggled with drug addiction. Women who have found that, showing up at a gym every day, to learn how to wrestle, has kept them sober. These are the women of WAD. Wrestlers Against Drugs. They've come here tonight to share their stories. If you're moved to support them, please, open your hearts, and your checkbooks. Thank you.
Birdie: For the love of God.
Carmen: My low point came two months ago, when I woke up on a bench at the mall, naked... and high.
Reggie: Then I spent all my money on... the crack.
Tammé: So my husband said, 'It's either me, or the crack.' I chose the crack.
Stacey: Crack should be my middle name. And also my first and my last name.
Rhonda: Eggs, bacon, bangers and mash, toast, Marmite, and crack.
Melanie: I went to three rehabs. Uh, Hazelden was the best one, so, you know, you guys know... Now, if you have, like, a... If you have a fucked-up kid or whatever. Also, I did a lot of crack.
Jenny: [speaking in Cambodian] ... crack!
Birdie: Tell the girls to stop talking and introduce me.
Bash: No, wait. Last one, last one.
Ruth: I've... made a lot of terrible decisions. Some of them I don't even remember.
[pause]
Ruth: I hit rock bottom when I slept with my friend's husband. I was really wasted at the time. But... the second time, I wasn't. I knew what I was doing. I was sober and insecure, and I think I was acting out of this deep well of resentment. I didn't even know I had and it was just... buried. And then every... It all came out, and... fucked up a real friendship.
[pause]
Ruth: But then, I found wrestling... and it saved me. Coming to the gym every day, seeing... these women struggle... to use their bodies and... learn something new, and we did! And it's a better feeling than drugs. Crack, specifically.
[Bash gives a thumbs up]

Jenny: I am one who is cute like panda. I'm in danger. Help me! Save me!
[grabs sword]
Jenny: Ha ha! Trick you! Because I am fast like dragon!
[pulls sword]
Jenny: I am Fortune Cookie...
[points sword at camera]
Jenny: ... and Asian.
[Bash whistles]
Sam: Yeah?
Sebastian: Yeah. Definitely.

Arthie: But I'm Indian, not Arab.
Jenny: I'm Cambodian.
Sebastian: Backstory. Wrestling is not about backstory. It's about type. And your type is...
Arthie: Intelligent and whimsical?
Sebastian: No. No. Terrorist, or or genie or some sort of other evil Arab.
Arthie: You mean stereotypes.
Sebastian: Yes! Bingo! Exactly! Here, look...
[Bash hands Arthie the Uzi]
Sam: Don't take that gun.
Sebastian: Take the gun.
Sam: Don't take the gun.
Arthie: Um, which one of you is in charge?
[Ruth shows up]
Ruth: Did somebody call for a meeting?
Sebastian: Oh! Yes! Here we go. Perfect! Uh, I don't know. Farmer's daughter. A girl next door.
Ruth: No, I'm Kuntar, a vision of hideousness.
Sam: See?
Sebastian: There's no world where people look at her and see hideous or evil. She's apple pie and ice cream.
Sam: Look, I didn't take this job to be bossed around by some wannabe producer who takes fake phone calls at the polo lounge.
Sebastian: Those calls are real! You took this job because no one else would hire you.
Sam: And who are you now? Robert Evans? You haven't done this before. You haven't done anything.
Sebastian: GLOW is my idea!
Sam: So what? Ideas are cheap. Everyone's got ideas. Your idiot butler probably has ten Oscar-winning ideas.
Florian: I do.
Sebastian: You leave my butler out of this, all right? Florian kicks ass!

Bash: Hey, Gary. What a turnout tonight, huh?
Gary: I'm sorry, Sebastian. You're on the list plus one, not 20.
Bash: No, no, no, no, no. These are the, uh... the girls. The former drug addicts from WAD?
Gary: What? WAD?
Bash: Uh, WAD. Wrestlers Against Drugs.
Gary: Yeah, well, they're not on the list.
Bash: 'Cause they're speakers, Gary. I mean, they've turned their whole lives around through commitment to physical fitness and wrestling.
[Bash grabs Jenny]
Bash: For God's sakes, this young lady, two months ago, she, she was literally selling her body for crack. Now she's training every day, living in a halfway house. She came here tonight to tell her story.
Jenny: Yeah, I...
Bash: Through a translator, because she doesn't speak English.
[pause]
Gary: [sighs] Just don't touch anything.
Bash: Okay.
[Bash and the ladies enter the party]
Gary: Please don't mingle, don't talk to anybody. Steal nothing.
Sam: I'm their drug counselor.
Gary: Sir.
Sam: Choose life.
Gary: I did.

Carmen: It's really big.
Jenny: Yeah.
Ruth: We got this. Even if we totally change our lineup, we know the moves. And, we still have two hours to figure everything else out. That's plenty of time. And... And look. Sam said he'd get us pink ropes, he got us pink ropes.
Melanie: Loving the pink ropes, buddy!
Bash: Right? Arr!
[Bash shakes the top rope, which suddenly breaks off in one corner]
Ruth: Let's go find the dressing room. Just follow me.

Bash: And now, the final showdown for the first ever GLOW Crown! In one corner, from Bolshevik Russia and the rice paddies of China, respectively, at a combined weight of 227 pounds, Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie!
[Ruth and Jenny enter the ring]
Bash: The red menace is certainly looking menacing tonight, folks. And here come their opponents. From the Sunshine Senior Living Facility in Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of... Aw, who the heck cares? It's Edna and Ethel Rosenblatt, a.k.a. The Beatdown Biddies!
Stacey: Thank you!
Dawn: Are you cheering? I can't hear you! Is it because I'm deaf?
Bash: Don't be fooled. These are two tough ladies. They lived through the Great Depression, World War II, poodle skirts, menopause. They're so old, their wrinkles got wrinkles!
Stacey: Don't clap for us. We're undecided!
Dawn: You can't fight me, because I'm old!
Stacey: Yeah!
Ruth: [Russian accent] Oh, I don't care about that. I will knock your dentures out.
Stacey: Oh, joke's on you. I got implants!
Jenny: Hey, shut up, you weak, geriatrical-type person!
Bash: And so far, it's just insults. Let's see if this Cold War will start heating up soon.
Dawn: I don't feel like wrestling.
Stacey: I wrestled last time.
Bash: Looks like the Biddies are deciding on who will fight first. Oh!
[Ruth and Jenny attack Dawn and Stacey]
Bash: But Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie have pounced on their opponents! The rules have completely gone out the window! Wow, these girls are really disrespecting the elderly.
Stacey: I love you, but not that much.
[Ruth slingshots Jenny, but Dawn and Stacey clothesline her before attacking Ruth]
Bash: The Biddies are making a comeback! Their osteoporosis is in remission, and they're on the attack! And this is not a good day for communism. Fortune Cookie just head-scissored Ethel out of the ring! Fortune Cookie and Zoya are kicking Edna out on her side. Oh, my goodness. It looks like the evil empire has prevailed! Russia and China are tonight's winners!
[Ruth and Jenny shake hands, but Ruth suddenly shoves Keith and grabs Jenny]
Bash: What's this? Looks like Zoya's turning on her partner! She is! She's hammerlocking her. And now it's Russia versus China! The Sino-Soviet split is alive and well, here in California!
[Ruth suplexes Jenny and pins her]
Bash: A suplex! I can't believe it! Zoya has read Fortune Cookie her fortune, and it says, 'Loser'! China is out, folks. Russia's not sharing that crown with anyone!

Jenny: You know that stuff you're always telling us about how you can't say MacDeath or whatever in the theater? Do you think it's true?
Ruth: Do I think it's bad luck that a shuttle fell out of the sky on our opening night? Yes, Jenny, I do.