The Best Dawn Rivecca Quotes

[Keith answers the phone]
Keith: Keith Bang.
Dawn: Where's the beef?
Keith: Excuse me?
Dawn: We've been wondering, sir, exactly where you've been putting your beef.
[Dawn and Stacey laugh on the other line]

[the ladies enter the Hayworth ballroom and notice the ring and seats]
Melanie: Holy shit. Okay, this is real. There are cameras.
Dawn: Does anyone else feel the need to pee and puke at the same time?
Stacey: Yeah.
Tammé: How are we gonna fill all these seats?
Bash: Oh, hey, ladies.
[Bash crawls in the ring]
Bash: What do you think, huh? Me and Florian and some of the bellhops have been working on it all morning. Check this out.
[Bash grabs the microphone]
Bash: Are you ready to rumble?
[loud feedback from mic]
Bash: Check.
Ruth: We gotta deal with that mic. Sheila?
Sheila the She: Yep. Sound. I'm on it.
[Sheila approaches the ring]
Bruce: Uh, hey, is the director around? We gotta position these tripods.
Ruth: Oh, no. No, no, no, no no. No tripods. Sorry.
Arturo: The network said they want to keep it simple.
Ruth: Well, the director's going for something a little, uh... different, you know? Uh, he wants the shots to feel... visceral.
Bruce: So, handheld.
Ruth: Yes, exactly. Move around with us, uh, pace the perimeter of the ring, both of you.
Bruce: Look, if we're both on the perimeter of the ring, you're gonna see at least one of us in every shot.
Ruth: You'll figure it out.

Dawn: I'm Ethel.
Stacey: I'm Edna.
Dawn: And we're the Beat Down Biddies.
Stacey: You want a piece of me? I got moles older than you.
Dawn: Oh yeah? I'll come at you. I'm like a good fiber cereal. I'll make you shit your pants!

Stacey: You okay?
Dawn: Yeah, I'm just trying to remember where I was when Martin Luther King got murdered.
Stacey: Oh, God, Dawn.
Dawn: I'm uncomfortable. What if people freak out? What if they put us on a watch list? What if Bill Cosby gets mad at us?
Stacey: Will you relax? They're not gonna know it's us. That's, that's why they wore these things in the first place.
Dawn: What if they recognize our shoes?
Stacey: They won't. Look, it's not racist if the black girls came up with the idea, right?
Dawn: Right. Yes. It was their idea. So, it's not us. It's them.
[pause]
Stacey: Ready?
Dawn: Ready.
[Dawn and Stacey put on their white masks]
Stacey: Oh, goddamnit.

[Stacey takes a quick smoke from a pipe]
Stacey: This will be my masterpiece.
Dawn: Okay, I can't wait.
Stacey: All right.
[Stacey picks up the phone and dials]
Stacey: Hello? Yes, is this Melanie Rosen?
Melanie: Yeah?
Stacey: Melanie Danielle Rosen?
Melanie: Mm-hmm.
Stacey: Yes, this is Lisa from Dr. Goldberg's office. We have your test results. You have AIDS... in your butt.
Melanie: Oh, my God. Really? Because I was just in my really good friends Dawn and Stacey's room, and suddenly, out of nowhere, I started bleeding right out of my butt. And the only way I could get it to stop was to was by shoving both of their toothbrushes into my anus!
[Melrose hangs up and storms out of her room]
Melanie: Get a life, you fucking hags!
[walks back into her room]
Melanie: How does everyone know my fucking real name?
Jenny: I don't know.
Melanie: What are you doing?
Jenny: My hair.
Melanie: For who?
Jenny: For me. Self-esteem. Hello?
Melanie: I can't look at you anymore. Any, any of you. I gotta get the fuck out of here.
Jenny: We could go out, but we have to be back by ten.
Melanie: Fuck!

Stacey: Well, I'd date him.
Dawn: Stacey!
Stacey: What? He's cute, he's lonely, and his cock works great.
Dawn: You can't believe everything you see on TV.
Keith: And I'm uncomfortable now. Good night, ladies.

Sam: As my Aunt Jeanette used to say: 'This nursing home is a waiting room of hell.' And these two old bats are straight out of it. Clack your dentures together for Ethel and Edna, the Beatdown Biddies.
[Dawn and Stacey approach the ring wearing Ku Klux Klan outfits]
Dawn: White Power! White Power!
Dawn: Segregation forever!
Sam: What the fuck is happening?
Keith: Unh-unh. No. That's not appropriate. That's not right. You can't come in there with that on. Come in here wearing sheets?
Sam: Ladies and gentlemen, this is some inappropriate social satire. I don't know what to say.
[Cherry and Tammé approach the ring]
Cherry: Someone needs to teach these Casper-looking racist idiots a lesson.
Tammé: Yeah, I might be a Welfare Queen, but I don't tolerate no bigots!
[Tammé slides in the ring, chasing Dawn and Stacey]
Keith: Save it for the match. Come on. Save it.

Sam: [through the intercom] Ladies, hello. Hello, Gorgeous Ladies of GLOW. It's opening night. And... And listen, you know, I just wanna...
[clears throat]
Sam: I just wanna say that, uh, you... you've all worked very hard...
[Debbie turns off the intercom]
Debbie: Well, I did wanna say something... to all of you. Um... Ooh! I wasn't sure that we could, uh, bounce back after this morning.
Dawn: What happened this morning?
[everyone looks at Dawn]
Debbie: The Challenger.
Reggie: Oh, my God! I forgot about it too.
Yolanda: Oh, it's official. We're assholes.
Debbie: No, no, no. You were professionals. You were sad, but you pulled it together and you did your jobs. And tonight, thanks to your hard work...
Ruth: I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Can... Can we just take a moment of silence? We're so lucky to all be here together. I... I know we're not acknowledging anything in the show, but... can we have a moment? Is that okay?
Sheila the She: Yeah.
Debbie: Sure.
[the Ladies take their moment of silence in memory of the Challenger crew before Rhonda enters the dressing room with some balloons]
Rhonda: Sorry, I need to put these somewhere. Bash doesn't want balloons at the...
Sheila the She: Shh!
Carmen: We're having a moment of silence for the Challenger.
Rhonda: Oh, shit. Sorry.
[to the hotel staff]
Rhonda: Um, you can just put them in here.
[the bellboys drop the balloons in the dressing room]
Carmen: What's his problem with balloons?
Rhonda: Oh, no, no, no! Just... Just leave 'em. Um, they float about, and floating reminds him of the astronauts.
Melanie: That makes sense.
[as the Ladies continue their moment of silence, some of them begin playing with the balloons]

Melanie: And then I said, 'Oh God, the Baby!' You know, 'What's happening to the baby?' And then, you know, I squirted ketchup out of my vagina.
Sam: That was terrible. I, I didn't buy a single second of that. But, let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Oh, sorry, maybe it was a wrong metaphor. Sorry. I think there's something here. Look, I know you were just being an asshole, but if this were a real scene, there would be context, there'd be circumstances, there'd be characters, right? Legacy?
Carmen: Um...
Sam: Al right. Let's get inside this thing. What happened? The miscarriage, was it an accident? Was it, was it bad sushi?
Justine: She was kicked in the stomach by her Guatemalan swim coach who was jealous she lost her virginity to the captain of the diving team.
Sam: Wow. Good. Good. Kick in the stomach. I like that. Swim coach, I don't know. We can lose him. We need a better assailant. What animal would kick a pregnant woman in the belly? What kind of person would ruin the life of a gorgeous, successful, pregnant woman? What kind of homewrecker would do that?
[Ruth tries to hide in the crowd]
Sam: Ruth! This doesn't seem like too much of a stretch for you. Why don't you come in the ring? Join us.
Ruth: I want to, but I'm really not feeling well.
Sam: You know, Gene Kelly had the flu when he did the title number of Singin' in the Rain.
Ruth: It's true, he did.
[Ruth gets up and approaches the ring]
Sam: Look at this asshole. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's gonna destroy lives. Even tiny lives that haven't started yet. You're a horrible person, and you don't deserve to live.
Ruth: I think I deserve to live.
Sam: Hey, Uta Hagen. All right, take some fucking direction for a minute. All right, is that too much to ask? It's not about you. I'm trying to see if this skit works. Now circle the other one.
[Ruth and Melrose circle each other]
Sam: Okay, good. Okay, shit-stirrer. Let's work on your side. Because if there's one thing I've learned in my illustrious career, it's that you can't rely on a blood rig to sell a performance. Who are you? What kind of woman were you before you lost everything?
Melanie: I feel like I was the kind of...
Sam: Wait, I got it. You're smart. You're ambitious. Talented. But nobody sees that. All they see is the blonde knockout.
Melanie: Yeah, but I'm not blonde.
Sam: All right, shut the fuck up.
Melanie: Okay.
Stacey: I think he's talking about me.
Dawn: [pointing at Debbie] No. They're talking about her.
Stacey: That makes sense.

[while rehearsing the opening match between the Red Scare and the Beatdown Biddies]
Sam: All right, so we do the match. Do the match.
[Ruth and Jenny charge towards Dawn and Stacey]
Dawn: Wait, what are you doing?
Sam: Do the match.
Stacey: Yeah, Russian. We're gonna make your bottom red, just like your politics.
[Stacey starts spanking Ruth]
Ruth: I think we should address the Challenger in the show, hit it head-on.
Stacey: Why? To make everyone cry?
Ruth: Yes, exactly. For catharsis.
Dawn: What is that? One of your theater terms?
Sam: All right, now let's kick those Biddies out of the ring.
Stacey: Yeah, out of the ring. Out of the show. Maybe they died in the Challenger explosion.
Jenny: Stacey, too soon.
Sam: Oh, terrific. I can't wait to hear this bitching for the next three months.

Bash: And now, the final showdown for the first ever GLOW Crown! In one corner, from Bolshevik Russia and the rice paddies of China, respectively, at a combined weight of 227 pounds, Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie!
[Ruth and Jenny enter the ring]
Bash: The red menace is certainly looking menacing tonight, folks. And here come their opponents. From the Sunshine Senior Living Facility in Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of... Aw, who the heck cares? It's Edna and Ethel Rosenblatt, a.k.a. The Beatdown Biddies!
Stacey: Thank you!
Dawn: Are you cheering? I can't hear you! Is it because I'm deaf?
Bash: Don't be fooled. These are two tough ladies. They lived through the Great Depression, World War II, poodle skirts, menopause. They're so old, their wrinkles got wrinkles!
Stacey: Don't clap for us. We're undecided!
Dawn: You can't fight me, because I'm old!
Stacey: Yeah!
Ruth: [Russian accent] Oh, I don't care about that. I will knock your dentures out.
Stacey: Oh, joke's on you. I got implants!
Jenny: Hey, shut up, you weak, geriatrical-type person!
Bash: And so far, it's just insults. Let's see if this Cold War will start heating up soon.
Dawn: I don't feel like wrestling.
Stacey: I wrestled last time.
Bash: Looks like the Biddies are deciding on who will fight first. Oh!
[Ruth and Jenny attack Dawn and Stacey]
Bash: But Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie have pounced on their opponents! The rules have completely gone out the window! Wow, these girls are really disrespecting the elderly.
Stacey: I love you, but not that much.
[Ruth slingshots Jenny, but Dawn and Stacey clothesline her before attacking Ruth]
Bash: The Biddies are making a comeback! Their osteoporosis is in remission, and they're on the attack! And this is not a good day for communism. Fortune Cookie just head-scissored Ethel out of the ring! Fortune Cookie and Zoya are kicking Edna out on her side. Oh, my goodness. It looks like the evil empire has prevailed! Russia and China are tonight's winners!
[Ruth and Jenny shake hands, but Ruth suddenly shoves Keith and grabs Jenny]
Bash: What's this? Looks like Zoya's turning on her partner! She is! She's hammerlocking her. And now it's Russia versus China! The Sino-Soviet split is alive and well, here in California!
[Ruth suplexes Jenny and pins her]
Bash: A suplex! I can't believe it! Zoya has read Fortune Cookie her fortune, and it says, 'Loser'! China is out, folks. Russia's not sharing that crown with anyone!