The Best Marianna Palka Quotes

[as the ladies practice their lockups, Melrose and Rhonda start singing]
Melanie: [singing] Hold me now. Oh, oh, warm my heart. Stay with me. Let loving start, let loving start. Oh, hold me now...
Cherry: Some of us are trying to work.
Melanie: They're slow dancing. They just fully did a spin.
Reggie: Ow! That's not what we practiced.
[Reggie carries Arthie to the corner]
Cherry: All right, um...
[points at Ruth]
Cherry: You.
[points at Melrose]
Cherry: And you.
Melanie: Oh.
Cherry: Let's see what you got.
Melanie: Okay.
[gets off the top turnbuckle]
Melanie: Come on, drama nerd. Hold me now.
Ruth: Okay.
[they get into a lockup]
Ruth: I think it's like this. And then I'm gonna spin around, and we're gonna put your arm around my neck.
Melanie: Okay.
[Ruth grabs Melrose's arm and turns around]
Ruth: Then here, like this...
Melanie: And then just sort of, you know, like this...
[Melrose starts grinding her hips against Ruth's back]

[Debbie slaps Ruth, to the shock of the other ladies]
Debbie: I don't know... I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Ruth: It just happened.
Debbie: Haven't you learned anything from that sad fucking scene study class? Things don't just happen. People make choices. They want things, and then they go for them.
Ruth: Can we go somewhere and talk about this?
Debbie: I don't wanna fucking talk to you. I wanna... I wanna kick you ass. And then I never want to see you again.
[Debbie chases after Ruth]
Ruth: No!
Debbie: Come on!
Ruth: I'm not gonna fight you!
Reggie: Fight her! Do it!
Debbie: Come on!
Ruth: Debbie!
[Debbie grabs Ruth from behind, but Ruth hits her in the face with her elbow]
Ruth: I'm sorry.
[Debbie chases after Ruth again]
Debbie: Fucker!
Arthie: Is this real?
Melanie: Who the fuck cares?
[as Sam watches Ruth and Debbie fight, he envisions them in an actual GLOW match. Salty snaps Sam out of it]
Salty: Sam! Sam! Should we call it?
Sam: Yeah. Call it.
[Salty slides in the ring to count the pinfall, as Debbie has Ruth pinned to the mat and Ruth helplessly looks at Sam]
Salty: One! Two! Three!

Sam: [through the intercom] Ladies, hello. Hello, Gorgeous Ladies of GLOW. It's opening night. And... And listen, you know, I just wanna...
[clears throat]
Sam: I just wanna say that, uh, you... you've all worked very hard...
[Debbie turns off the intercom]
Debbie: Well, I did wanna say something... to all of you. Um... Ooh! I wasn't sure that we could, uh, bounce back after this morning.
Dawn: What happened this morning?
[everyone looks at Dawn]
Debbie: The Challenger.
Reggie: Oh, my God! I forgot about it too.
Yolanda: Oh, it's official. We're assholes.
Debbie: No, no, no. You were professionals. You were sad, but you pulled it together and you did your jobs. And tonight, thanks to your hard work...
Ruth: I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Can... Can we just take a moment of silence? We're so lucky to all be here together. I... I know we're not acknowledging anything in the show, but... can we have a moment? Is that okay?
Sheila the She: Yeah.
Debbie: Sure.
[the Ladies take their moment of silence in memory of the Challenger crew before Rhonda enters the dressing room with some balloons]
Rhonda: Sorry, I need to put these somewhere. Bash doesn't want balloons at the...
Sheila the She: Shh!
Carmen: We're having a moment of silence for the Challenger.
Rhonda: Oh, shit. Sorry.
[to the hotel staff]
Rhonda: Um, you can just put them in here.
[the bellboys drop the balloons in the dressing room]
Carmen: What's his problem with balloons?
Rhonda: Oh, no, no, no! Just... Just leave 'em. Um, they float about, and floating reminds him of the astronauts.
Melanie: That makes sense.
[as the Ladies continue their moment of silence, some of them begin playing with the balloons]

Sam: All right, let's do this. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first ever match of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
[crowd applauds faintly]
Bash: Brought to you by Patio Town!
Sam: All right. Pace yourselves. All right, first match. Battle of the Beasts. From the icy wastelands of the frozen north where she rapes, pillages, but mostly rapes, please boo for Vicky the Viking!
[Reggie approaches the ring while Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard]
Sam: Oh, okay. And now... from the cloud-crowned heights of the Andes known by the ancient Incas to be the palace of the gods, put your hands together for Machu Picchu!
[Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard]
Sam: Is that the only song you know?
Sheila the She: It is.
[Carmen approaches the ring]
Glen: I like her. She's very winning.
Bash: Great choice of words.
Sam: Here she is... Machu Picchu.
[Carmen stops outside the ring, sweating profusely as she looks at the crowd]
Reggie: Carmen, get in the ring.
Carmen: I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Carmen walks out of the gym]
Glen: Is she all right? Is this part of the gag?
Bash: Uh, you know, I'm not sure. I'm gonna go check it out.
Keith: The Viking wins! Yeah, all right.

Reggie: I'm a two-time... Olympic... medalist... who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
[Debbie approaches Sam and Bash]
Debbie: [whispers] Can I please do this character?
[Sam and Bash re-take the promo with Debbie wearing Reggie's medals]
Debbie: Because I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
Reggie: [looks at Sam and Bash] I'm the athlete. Those are my actual medals.
Sebastian: She seemed more All-American.
Sam: Just... We're... We got a different part for you. It's a big juicy part.
Reggie: Why don't I believe you?
[Sam and Bash cut a promo with Reggie wearing a Viking helmet]
Reggie: I am Vicky Viking.
Sebastian: Yes.

Bash: I'd like to toast my mother for organizing all this.
Birdie: Aw.
Bash: But before I bring her up here, I'd like to... bring up some other... powerful, equally admirable women. Women who have struggled with drug addiction. Women who have found that, showing up at a gym every day, to learn how to wrestle, has kept them sober. These are the women of WAD. Wrestlers Against Drugs. They've come here tonight to share their stories. If you're moved to support them, please, open your hearts, and your checkbooks. Thank you.
Birdie: For the love of God.
Carmen: My low point came two months ago, when I woke up on a bench at the mall, naked... and high.
Reggie: Then I spent all my money on... the crack.
Tammé: So my husband said, 'It's either me, or the crack.' I chose the crack.
Stacey: Crack should be my middle name. And also my first and my last name.
Rhonda: Eggs, bacon, bangers and mash, toast, Marmite, and crack.
Melanie: I went to three rehabs. Uh, Hazelden was the best one, so, you know, you guys know... Now, if you have, like, a... If you have a fucked-up kid or whatever. Also, I did a lot of crack.
Jenny: [speaking in Cambodian] ... crack!
Birdie: Tell the girls to stop talking and introduce me.
Bash: No, wait. Last one, last one.
Ruth: I've... made a lot of terrible decisions. Some of them I don't even remember.
[pause]
Ruth: I hit rock bottom when I slept with my friend's husband. I was really wasted at the time. But... the second time, I wasn't. I knew what I was doing. I was sober and insecure, and I think I was acting out of this deep well of resentment. I didn't even know I had and it was just... buried. And then every... It all came out, and... fucked up a real friendship.
[pause]
Ruth: But then, I found wrestling... and it saved me. Coming to the gym every day, seeing... these women struggle... to use their bodies and... learn something new, and we did! And it's a better feeling than drugs. Crack, specifically.
[Bash gives a thumbs up]

Sebastian: Ronnie takes out his pen, signs the picture, and he says, 'It's a good thing Bonzo is a Democrat. Otherwise, he'd have won the nomination.'
[the ladies laugh]
Debbie: You're hilarious.
Sam: Ladies. Hi. I see you've met... Sebastian Howard, our producer.
Sebastian: Uh, 'Bash', please.
Sam: Just know that he's the one signing your checks, so, be nice.
Sebastian: I don't like to talk about money, okay? I'm the patron of the arts. And wrestling is an art, despite my mother's opinion, which is wrong.
Sam: I thought you were in Peru.
Sebastian: Yeah. I... I... I came back early. Loving the casting!
[grabs Sheila]
Sebastian: Even Miss Serious over here. So, so, so, what, what moves have you guys learned?
Cherry: We've been mostly learning to fall on our backs without hurting ourselves.
Arthie: And pain faces.
Sebastian: W-w-what about, uh, powerbombs? Or, or DDTs? Salty's famous for his DDTs. Where is Salty, by the way?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, Bash. Salty didn't work out. Cherry's our new wrestling coach now.
[Cherry waves at Bash]
Sebastian: Um... d-does she have any wrestling experience?
Cherry: Um... I'm right here.
Sam: Yeah, all right. Anyway, you know that fans are gonna tune in for the moves, but they're not gonna stay tuned in unless we give them what, ladies?
Reggie: Blood!
Melanie: Tits!
Sam: Storytelling. Storytelling.
Melanie: Oh.
Sam: Now, I know it's exciting to be in the midst of a big-shot producer, but I have something even shinier. A script. Hot off the Xerox. I only made ten copies, so we're gonna have to share 'em. And I'm just gonna cast as we move along, starting with Ruth.
Ruth: Yes! Anything you need.
Sam: Uh, yeah. I'm gonna need you to read stage directions.
[disappointed look in Ruth's face]