50 Best Betty Gilpin Quotes

[Ruth and Debbie are informed that Ruth's ankle fracture will leave her in a cast for at least eight weeks]
Debbie: Wow, it's not that long.
Ruth: It's... the rest of the season. I won't be on the show.
Debbie: I mean, well, we're getting cancelled, anyway. So... and, I know, it's just a job.
Ruth: No, it's not.
Debbie: Okay. Jesus.
Ruth: I worked 10 years to get a job that was more than just a, a... crappy, one-line role. It's never easy for me. You're the one who... walks in and gets whatever job she wants.
Debbie: Okay. You don't have to lash out at me. Um... yeah. I did not mean to break your ankle.
Ruth: I don't believe you.
Debbie: No, Ruth. It was... it was an accident. Unlike the time... you accidentally fucked my husband, twice!
Ruth: How about the time you accidentally made out with... your co-star, what's-his-face, at your, your stupid Paradise Cove wrap party, and I didn't tell anyone?
Debbie: Are you fucking kidding me? That's completely different and you know it!
Ruth: You know what? I don't care! I don't care anymore! I have eaten shit for months! I have done everything I could think of to make this right!
Debbie: You can't make it right.
Ruth: Great. Then I'll stop trying. I am so tired of apologizing about Mark. But you don't love him enough to stay married to him.
Debbie: I'm not married to him because he fucking cheated on me!
Ruth: You never loved Mark!
Debbie: You don't have a right to say a fucking word about my marriage! Oh, you...
Ruth: Do I have a right to... talk about your power complex? Or do I have to schedule a meeting with all the producers?
Debbie: Oh... I earned my title.
Ruth: Right. Your work ethic is legendary. You want to talk about how you sabotaged my date with Russell? Even though you know I haven't wanted to go out on a date with someone in years.
Debbie: Yeah, forgive me if I don't feel bad about that, at all.
Ruth: Let's talk about how you thought I should let myself be raped to save our show. The show you don't give a shit about!
Debbie: You're so fucking melodramatic! And what the... I care about the show just as much as you do.
Ruth: No, you don't! You needed a distraction, and big surprise! You got what you wanted! You could have slapped me and walked away. But instead, you took the one thing I got. I don't have what you have. I never have...
Debbie: Yeah, here we go. Yeah, I miss this. Poor Ruth, she doesn't have anything. So, Debbie, careful, just downplay all your accomplishments and, just pretend all the things you worked so fucking hard for, don't matter at all, because she's gonna feel sad and insecure about her life and suck all the joy out of every moment that you have. Poor, poor Ruth.
Ruth: Right, right. You're the success and I'm the disaster. That's how it's always been.
Debbie: I never made you feel like a disaster.
Ruth: You did. Every time we saw each other, you'd... draw it all out! Make me give you all the details. Every shitty auditions, the horrible dates we'd... we... rolled around in all of my failures and mistakes, and then you could go home... to your... house, and your family, and your life! It feels comfortable with every choice you ever made. You know you were miserable!
Debbie: No, I was happy.
Ruth: Bullshit!
Debbie: Fuck you!
[Debbie walks out as Ruth continues to sob]

[Debbie notices Ruth going out with Sam and Rhonda]
Debbie: Guess all that extra work paid off, huh? For her, anyway.
Carmen: You wanna talk? You can squat.
[Carmen continues her squats before throwing the medicine ball to Debbie, who squats and throws it back to Carmen]
Debbie: So you have obviously been helping her. You're so good, now she is so good, and I still suck.
Carmen: Well, Ruth takes it seriously.
Debbie: Well, I take this seriously. I'm working out as hard as I can. I had a baby six months ago. My hips are still in the wrong place. Every time Cherry makes us jump rope, I leak a little, but, you know, I'm here.
Carmen: It's not the workouts. The problem is, you think wrestling is stupid.
Debbie: Well, it is stupid. I mean, isn't it?
Carmen: I prefer exaggerated. I mean, that's the point. My brother, he once had this promoter set him up with a guy who wrestled with a snake. The day of the match, the snake died. Kermit put on a sock puppet and my brother had to wrestle it like it was real.
Debbie: That sounds humiliating.
Carmen: It brought the house down.
[pause]
Carmen: Have you never been to a real wrestling match?

[Ruth practices her zip-line stunt, but is stuck halfway]
Ruth: Uh... oh... ugh! It's stuck! There's something on the rope.
Cherry: Can you like, scooch and get over it?
Ruth: No. I...
Debbie: Oh, my God. Careful.
Ruth: Why don't you just cut me down, and I'll fall from the sky like everything else today?
Cherry: No. Not on my watch. Just stay there. I'll go get a ladder.

Shadow: People did enought talking today. I think someone might've actually said she's in a better place.
Audrey: She's in Parkview Cemetery. Target would be more interesting than here. If there isn't some kind of life after death, I'm going to be so pissed.

[Debbie lands the flying cross body for the pin]
Bash: This match is over, folks!
Debbie: [whispers] You okay?
Ruth: [whispers] You flew! It was epic! Go get your Crown!
Bash: Zoya's been destroya'd! I can't believe it! I can't believe it, folks! Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a young country girl jumps out of the stands, into the ring, winning it all!
[Bash enters the ring]
Bash: Honey, what's your name?
Debbie: [Southern accent] My name... My name is Liberty Belle. And I'm just a small-town girl, trying to do the right thing, the thing that any American girl would do in the face of evil, and that, no matter how... I'm so overwhelmed! Thank you all!
[Bash hands the GLOW Crown to Debbie]
Bash: It's a beautiful moment on a beautiful day. There's your crown, sweetheart. Like a princess.

Crystal: You see a pig with a shirt on, right?
Don: Yep. A little pig.

Reggie: I'm a two-time... Olympic... medalist... who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
[Debbie approaches Sam and Bash]
Debbie: [whispers] Can I please do this character?
[Sam and Bash re-take the promo with Debbie wearing Reggie's medals]
Debbie: Because I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
Reggie: [looks at Sam and Bash] I'm the athlete. Those are my actual medals.
Sebastian: She seemed more All-American.
Sam: Just... We're... We got a different part for you. It's a big juicy part.
Reggie: Why don't I believe you?
[Sam and Bash cut a promo with Reggie wearing a Viking helmet]
Reggie: I am Vicky Viking.
Sebastian: Yes.

Ruth: So, do I grab onto a specific body part?
Big: You sort of grab everything and fall backwards.
Debbie: Okay. You're not gonna drop me, right?
Ruth: No, I swear. I got you.
Debbie: It's like a fucking trust fall, only I stare at your face and remember all the reasons I don't trust you.
Ruth: Look, if you miss, my body will break the fall. I take the hit.
Debbie: Okay.
[Debbie barely jumps and falls on Ruth]
Debbie: How'd that look?
Carmen: So great.
[Debbie gets up]
Debbie: Let's do it again.

Emmy: I hate to disagree with Conspiracy Santa!

[Debbie storms into the gym, carrying Randy with her]
Debbie: You fucking bitch! Oh, you fucking cunt! I should fucking kill you!
Ruth: Debbie, what are you doing here?
Debbie: Don't play dumb, homewrecker! Husband-fucker!
Ruth: Hold on, hold on, hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
Debbie: Did you sleep with Mark?
Ruth: Don't make me answer that.
[Tammé approaches Debbie]
Tammé: Do you want me to take him for you?
Debbie: Yes. Thank you.
[Debbie hands Randy to Tammé before looking back at Ruth]
Debbie: I wanna hear you say it.
Ruth: Uh...
[nods]
Debbie: [slides into the ring] What the fuck kind of friend are you?
Ruth: I don't love him!
Debbie: What? Oh my God, of course you don't love him! You don't love anyone!
Ruth: I know! I fucked up! You think I don't know that?
[Debbie corners Ruth]
Debbie: How long? How long were you two... What? While I was pregnant?
Ruth: No! God, no! It was one time!
Debbie: Oh, what? What about the other night? That doesn't fucking count? Mark told me the whole fucking thing!
Ruth: I know. I told you, I fucked up!
[Debbie slaps Ruth]

[Debbie and Ruth are on TV promoting GLOW's opening night in Vegas during the Space Shuttle Challenger's launch]
Ruth: [as Zoya] What about Yuri? Dog, Laika?
Debbie: [as Liberty Belle] Well, you keep launching your puppies. We are sending school teachers into space, because here in America, we believe in, well, dreaming big. God bless the, uh... what was it? Oh yeah. The U.S. Challenger.
Ruth: [as Zoya] Why you so proud of Challenger? Challenger means second place. Is terrible name.
[Bash and Rhonda watch the interview in their penthouse suite]
Bash: Good one, Ruth.
Dave the Reporter: Okay, ladies, it's time. Let's go live to the Challenger.
Bash: Oooh, I love this part.
Rhonda: I'm not even sure where they're going.
Bash: They're going to space.
Rhonda: Yeah, but like, where in it?
[the Space Shuttle Challenger launches]
Ruth: [as Zoya] Bye-bye. Hope you don't run out of gas.
Ruth: [as Liberty Belle] At least we can afford it. Gosh, would you look at that glorious display of American genius? Soaring across the sky. Hey, it's like a shootin' star.
Ruth: [as Zoya] That puny rocket look like child toy. It's probably not even real. It's pretend, like your Ronald Reagan Star Wars. I spit on this Challenger mission. And who is this Christa? She is high school educator? What's she going to do? She going to chaperone prom on rocket ship? Maybe I Challenge-r crew to chess game, how is that? Then we see who is really superior brain.
[Debbie stops smiling and nudges Ruth]
Debbie: Ruth.
Ruth: What?
[Ruth sees the TV and covers her mouth]
Ruth: Oh, my God.
[the Challenger has exploded]
Debbie: Okay, can we... can we cut? We need to cut.

[as Debbie puts on the GLOW Crown, Tammé slides in the ring and grabs it from her. She then grabs the mic]
Tammé: You want this crown back? You fight me for it!
Debbie: Tammé, it's fine. It's over.
Tammé: Guess not. Sam changed it.
[faces the crowd]
Tammé: America, you have turned your back on me long enough! You've ghettoized my people, trapped us in an endless cycle of poverty. Not anymore. Tonight, I take back what I deserve!
[Tammé grabs Debbie in an airplane spin]
Bash: It's all gone topsy-turvy, folks! Welfare Queen's stolen the Crown, and she's helicoptering Liberty Belle! I'm just saying that I'm seeing, and I can't believe what I'm seeing!
[Tammé slams Debbie down and shoves Bash out of the ring]
Bash: And the ref's ready to call it! We've got a new champion! I don't know how it happened, but here we are, folks!
Debbie: What the fuck?
Bash: Welfare Queen is tonight's Queen of the Ring! The Crown is hers!
[the other ladies enter the ring and brawl with each other]
Bash: That's our show, folks! That's all we got. Total pandemonium here at the Hayworth! Who will battle Welfare Queen for next week's Crown?

Debbie: [Ruth and Debbie walk outside to the hotel's entrance. Debbie shows Ruth the entrance's marquee] Oh, come on. I thought seeing our name in lights would cheer you up.
Ruth: Technically, it's Bash's name in lights.
Debbie: Well, that would... explain why nobody knows who the fuck I am or what I do. Look, we may never open a show in Las Vegas ever again. Just take a moment and appreciate what is right in front of you, so you don't miss it.
[Ruth looks at Debbie]
Debbie: Hey, this is me speaking as your producer. Everyone is up. Don't bring them down into your... sinkhole of despair.
Chad: [Debbie takes a smoke before Chad the parking valet notices them] Hey. That was fun last night.
Debbie: No, Todd, I... What did we say? I'm not... I'm working.
Chad: It's Chad.
[Chad gets in the car and leaves]
Ruth: Really?
Debbie: Yeah, really. He's 25. I'm single. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Audrey: It's so much easier grieving someone when you're glad they're dead.

[Melrose inserts coins in soda machine, but the soda bottle is jammed]
Melanie: Fuck my mother in her fucking cunt! I'm thirsty! Fuck you!
[Melrose notices Debbie and Carmen all dressed up]
Melanie: What are you looking at?
[Debbie and Carmen walk away]
Melanie: Oh, you guys are friends now? That's cute. Are you guys going out? 'Cause Cherry's gonna have a shit fit if you guys aren't back by curfew.
Debbie: Tell.
Melanie: Can I come?

[Ruth, Debbie, and Carmen arrive at Goliath's house]
Debbie: So, this is it, huh? House at the top of the beanstalk.
Ruth: It's gonna be great.
[Mighty Tom laughs while eating a can of Pringles]
Mighty: Look who came crawling back.
Carmen: Hey, Tommy.
Mighty: You're lucky Dad's on the road.
Carmen: I'm not here to apologize to him.
Big: What's going on?
Ruth: We need your help. We came to train with you, the Lumberjacksons.
[pause]
Mighty: We're busy.
Carmen: You're sitting on the porch eating Pringles.
[Mighty Tom wipes a potato chip from his shirt]
Carmen: They'll do it.

Crystal: Depends on whether they're smart pretending to be idiots or idiots pretending to be smart.

Sam: Ladies, get out your autograph books. I want you to meet the new star of GLOW, this is TV's own Debbie Morgan.
Debbie: Eagan.
Sam: Debbie Eagan.
Cherry: Where the hell have you been?
Sam: I've been working my ass off. I just drove to fucking Pasadena in the middle of the day.
Debbie: [sees Ruth] Are you insane? Am I on fucking Candid Camera? Why is she still here?
Sam: Oh, her. Yeah... I did... Look...
Cherry: While you been gone, we done a lot of fucking around.
Debbie: Take me home. Now. Give me your fucking keys. I'm taking your car.
Sam: Just give me a second.
Cherry: Oh no, we got some miscarriage bullshit to show you.
Sam: Wait, what?
Cherry: Oh, now I have your attention?
Cherry: You, just stop talking and give me, give me a minute, okay? Just give me a minute.
[looks at Debbie]
Cherry: Honey, honey, come with me. Come on. Come on. It's gonna be all right.
[Sheila approaches Ruth]
Sheila the She: Don't stand up straight.
Ruth: I'm...
Sheila the She: You have to be submissive. She's the Alpha and you're the Omega.
Ruth: I'm...
Sheila the She: Shh. You're gonna provoke her.
Ruth: Let me just...
Sheila the She: Slouch toward the ground. Now slouch. Submit. She might kill you.
Debbie: [looking at Ruth] What are you doing?
Sheila the She: She's submitting.
Debbie: No, don't even talk to me.

Crystal: My Mamma used to tell me this story about the jackrabbit and the box turtle. The jackrabbit is real dick, and he brags all the time, he says nobody's faster'n him. And well, it's true cause every time, the jackrabbit races, he always wins. The whole fuckin forest has to put up with this shit day in and day out. The fucker always wants to race just so he can rub in it some more. So the box turtle figures, 'why not? I'll give it a try'. The jackrabbit laughs, 'This'll be fun, so let's fuckin go.' The jackrabbit leaves the box turtle in the fuckin dust cause he's way out in front. The jackrabbit always wins. But the jackrabbit wants to put on a show, so he stops to make it seem close, and takes a nap. But he sleeps longer than he wanted to. By the time he wakes up, I mean he knows he's fucked and the jackrabbit goes full tilt, but it's too late and the box turtle crosses the finish line first and the crowd, whoosh, goes fuckin wild. Later that night the box turtle's havin dinner with his family. He's tellin his little box turtles how he did it. 'I mean, you never give up. I just kept crawlin' forwards, and you can overcome just about anything.'
[pause]
Crystal: The door smashes in. It's the jackrabbit, and he has a hammer. He smashes up the wife an kids first so the box turtle has to watch em die. And then it's his turn. Once the whole family is broken into little pieces, he sits down and eats their dinner, every last bite... cause the jackrabbit always wins.
Don: Your Mamma told you that story?

[Main event promo]
Tammé: [holding a KFC bucket] I call this the Liberty Belle Special, 'cause it's all white meat, and I found it in the trash!
Debbie: Welfare Queen's nothing but a big phony. I know it, you know it, and she knows it.
Tammé: That toothpick with ta-tas can't take me down.
Debbie: Welfare Queen needs to stop being such a chicken, and fight me.
[makes a chicken sound]
Tammé: She's calling me a chicken?
[Liberty Belle continues to make chicken sounds]
Tammé: Well, cluck cluck, baby! This chicken's about to lay all her eggs!
Debbie: That's my crown! She stole it. And I want it back.
Tammé: I'll see your redneck ass in the ring next week, Liberty Belle!
Debbie: You will face me.
Tammé: You...
[removes fur coat]
Tammé: ... and me! Yeah huh!

Ruth: Well, um, we're playing the U.S. versus Russia as a sort of Cold War ballet.
Debbie: You guys, I wanna fly. I wanna literally leave the ground and do some serious badass aerial shit. The audience is like, 'Aah!' Like slack-jawed. Maybe they shit their pants.
[pause]
Ruth: I want the whole room to boo me. Like, that's how much they hate me. But still, make it about her, but she's gotta win the match.
[Mighty Tom grabs Big Kurt and attempts to clothesline him, but he misses. Big Kurt runs to the ropes, but Mighty Tom shoulder tackles him]
Mighty: How about a shoulder tackle? That's strong.
Debbie: Yeah.
Ruth: Yeah, well...
Big: How about a drop kick, huh? Like this.
[Big Kurt drop kicks Mighty Tom. Mighty Tom headbutts Big Kurt in the stomach]
Mighty: Ha! How about a headbutt? No? Need more? Okay. Turnbuckle.
[Mighty Tom grabs Big Kurt and slams his head on the turnbuckle]
Debbie: That's kind of exciting.
Ruth: It's kind of cool. Maybe, but...
Big: How about something with a jump, like this?
[Big Kurt jumps to the second turnbuckle and does a flying cross body on Mighty Tom]
Big: Something like that, maybe?
Debbie: Yes, that. I wanna... I wanna do that.

Debbie: What do you think of Sandy?
Sam: I think she's probably dynamite in the sack.
Debbie: I don't like her.
Sam: Well, sure. Nobody likes the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Debbie: I forgot how much I love talking to you.
[Ruth approaches them]
Ruth: Hear me out. We have Britannica, a character in our show who could easily speak to this morning's events. How sometimes even the smartest people get things wrong. Like, how we thought the world was flat. Or... bloodletting.
Debbie: Ruth, please let this go.
Ruth: It just happened. And putting on a show is about having a shared emotional experience, so... It's Liberty Belle, Britannica, or Zoya, in an act of genuine Soviet contrition.
Sam: Okay. Look, Ruth, I know you made fun of national heroes as they plunged to their deaths. And... And you feel guilty. I... I get it. But unless we make this show a group therapy session and bring up the house lights, and everybody joins hands and starts talking about their feelings, you're not gonna get what you're lookin' for.

[Debbie slaps Ruth, to the shock of the other ladies]
Debbie: I don't know... I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Ruth: It just happened.
Debbie: Haven't you learned anything from that sad fucking scene study class? Things don't just happen. People make choices. They want things, and then they go for them.
Ruth: Can we go somewhere and talk about this?
Debbie: I don't wanna fucking talk to you. I wanna... I wanna kick you ass. And then I never want to see you again.
[Debbie chases after Ruth]
Ruth: No!
Debbie: Come on!
Ruth: I'm not gonna fight you!
Reggie: Fight her! Do it!
Debbie: Come on!
Ruth: Debbie!
[Debbie grabs Ruth from behind, but Ruth hits her in the face with her elbow]
Ruth: I'm sorry.
[Debbie chases after Ruth again]
Debbie: Fucker!
Arthie: Is this real?
Melanie: Who the fuck cares?
[as Sam watches Ruth and Debbie fight, he envisions them in an actual GLOW match. Salty snaps Sam out of it]
Salty: Sam! Sam! Should we call it?
Sam: Yeah. Call it.
[Salty slides in the ring to count the pinfall, as Debbie has Ruth pinned to the mat and Ruth helplessly looks at Sam]
Salty: One! Two! Three!

Tammé: Hot damn, I made the list!
Melanie: Everyone made the list, Tammé. It's a lineup.
Tammé: [noticing she's teaming up with Cherry against Dawn and Stacey] Our names are together, fighting the Beatdown Biddies. I guess that means we're a team now.
Cherry: I wonder why.
Rhonda: Oh, mine has got a star next to it. 'Cause I'm bright, like a star.
Carmen: I think that means you're supposed to win the match.
Rhonda: Oh, so, um, I'm a star and a winner.
Melanie: Oh, yep.
[the ladies leave while Ruth and Debbie look at the lineup]
Ruth: Well, guess it's official.
Debbie: Yeah. They spelled your name wrong.

Sebastian: Ronnie takes out his pen, signs the picture, and he says, 'It's a good thing Bonzo is a Democrat. Otherwise, he'd have won the nomination.'
[the ladies laugh]
Debbie: You're hilarious.
Sam: Ladies. Hi. I see you've met... Sebastian Howard, our producer.
Sebastian: Uh, 'Bash', please.
Sam: Just know that he's the one signing your checks, so, be nice.
Sebastian: I don't like to talk about money, okay? I'm the patron of the arts. And wrestling is an art, despite my mother's opinion, which is wrong.
Sam: I thought you were in Peru.
Sebastian: Yeah. I... I... I came back early. Loving the casting!
[grabs Sheila]
Sebastian: Even Miss Serious over here. So, so, so, what, what moves have you guys learned?
Cherry: We've been mostly learning to fall on our backs without hurting ourselves.
Arthie: And pain faces.
Sebastian: W-w-what about, uh, powerbombs? Or, or DDTs? Salty's famous for his DDTs. Where is Salty, by the way?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, Bash. Salty didn't work out. Cherry's our new wrestling coach now.
[Cherry waves at Bash]
Sebastian: Um... d-does she have any wrestling experience?
Cherry: Um... I'm right here.
Sam: Yeah, all right. Anyway, you know that fans are gonna tune in for the moves, but they're not gonna stay tuned in unless we give them what, ladies?
Reggie: Blood!
Melanie: Tits!
Sam: Storytelling. Storytelling.
Melanie: Oh.
Sam: Now, I know it's exciting to be in the midst of a big-shot producer, but I have something even shinier. A script. Hot off the Xerox. I only made ten copies, so we're gonna have to share 'em. And I'm just gonna cast as we move along, starting with Ruth.
Ruth: Yes! Anything you need.
Sam: Uh, yeah. I'm gonna need you to read stage directions.
[disappointed look in Ruth's face]

Ruth: Did I tell you the casting director offered me porn?
Debbie: Uh... you? The girl who changes under her shirt?
Ruth: I don't do that anymore.
Debbie: [puts on pants] Well... oh, Jesus. Obviously, you shouldn't do porn. Unless it's, like, porn Shakespeare. Since you're such a nerd, you'd probably enjoy that.
Ruth: You know, I miss you making fun of me.
Debbie: Why don't you come visit me in Pasadena, then?
Ruth: Ugh. It's so far away.
Debbie: Come on. I've called you like a million times to hang out. What is going on?
[pause]
Debbie: Ruth, are you okay?
Ruth: It's just... little stupid stuff. You know, like, don't know if I can pay my gas bill. I've got $83 in my bank account, and I'm waitressing all weekend. And I've eaten Cinnamon Toast Crunch for my last... six meals. But hey, you know, I'm gonna do porn. So, things are looking up. Heh.
[Ruth stands up to put on her pants]
Debbie: Can I tell you something that I realized recently?
Ruth: What?
Debbie: When I first got 'Paradise Cove', I was... God, so excited. And then they put me in the year-long coma. And I would lie in that hospital bed, just feeling powerless. And then season three, I graduate to a wheelchair with like, a sad blanket...
Ruth: I'm sorry. How is this supposed to help me?
Debbie: I'm getting there. Everything changed when Mark was like, 'Deb, don't be unhappy. Let's have a baby. I'll support us.' And I was like, 'Yes. Yeah. Why am I working?' Getting pregnant and written off that show, best decision I ever made.
[pause]
Ruth: I choose work.
Debbie: But you're not working. I... Don't you wanna be happy and have a family?
Ruth: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh... I think I need to get a boyfriend first. Isn't that how it works?
[giggles]
Debbie: [gets up and grabs bag] Okay.
Ruth: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 'Witness' is playing at the Dome!
Debbie: I can't leave my mom with Randy all day. She'll be feeding him Funyuns and Fresca and government conspiracies.
Ruth: Go. Go, I get it.
[hugs Debbie]

Sam: Oh! A dirty move by a dirty Russian. Zoya is a dirty, dirty girl.
[Ruth clotheslines Debbie then stomps on her]
Ruth: Stalin!
[crowd boos Ruth]
Ruth: You boo?
[Ruth continues to beat up Debbie]
Ruth: [Russian accent] So sad. So sad, Miss America! Get up! Come with me.
[Ruth slams Debbie's head on the turnbuckle before spearing her]
Sam: Is it over for the American dream? Is this bye-bye Miss American Pie?
Ruth: [Russian accent] No one can defeat Soviet Union!
Keith: Hey! You guys are doing great! Do you know what happens next? 'Cause I don't!
Ruth: Da.
Keith: Okay, go ahead. All right.
Debbie: [Southern accent] Please. Don't... I surrender. Let's talk this out like adults.
Ruth: [Russian accent] What's that, princess?
Debbie: Come here.
[Debbie grabs Ruth and slams her to the turnbuckle, punching and kicking her]
Debbie: [Southern accent] One quick question: How do you spell freedom? U-S-A!
[Debbie runs to the ropes and clotheslines Ruth. She throws Ruth toward the turnbuckle and charges toward her, but Ruth lifts herself out of the way]
Ruth: [Russian accent] USA dies! Woo!
[Ruth charges toward Debbie, but Debbie hits her in the face with her elbow before climbing the second rope. She is about to jump when she suddenly sees Mark in the crowd]
Ruth: [Russian accent] Stupid American Barbie! You think elbow to face will stop me?
[a distraught Debbie walks out of the ring to follow Mark toward the locker room]
Ruth: [Russian accent] Classic American! You run away! Bye-bye!

Ruth: Maybe we should have a safe word. Something we say if it's, like, mission abort?
Debbie: Well, who is that real estate guy whose name was on a bench outside your old apartment?
Ruth: Human Mabubuifarti?
Debbie: Yeah. God, I love that name.
Sam: Um, does anybody know how to play piano or keyboards?
Sheila the She: I do.
[Sheila exits the toilet stall]
Sam: Good. I have a job for you. Uh, also, I guess I should try to bolster you all. I wish I could tell you there's a full house out there, but there is not. It's respectable. About 20 to 30 people, freaks, some children, a homeless guy. Um... Anyway... Break a leg.
Ruth: Is that 'places'?
Sam: Sure, Ruth. Places.
Ruth: Thank you, places.

Carmen: My brother said he's super nice.
[Carmen knocks on Steel Horse's door. Steel Horse opens the door]
Carmen: Hi, Dale. I'm Carmen, Tom and Kurt's little sister.
Steel: Oh, right. Sure.
Carmen: We just wanted to come back and tell you how amazing that was. Um, these are my friends. Melanie...
Melanie: Melrose. Melrose. Hi, it's a pleasure.
[Melrose shakes hands with Steel Horse]
Carmen: And Debbie.
Debbie: Hi.
[Debbie shakes hands with Steel Horse, but he pauses and looks at her]
Steel: You're Laura Morgan. From Paradise Cove.
Debbie: Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. I mean, I was.
Steel: I can't believe I'm meeting you. I'm a huge fan.
Debbie: You watch soaps?
Steel: Yeah. It's where we get all our best ideas from. But I have to say, new Laura can't act for shit.
[Debbie laughs]

Athena: You decided to go on the internet and run your stupid mouth. Thirteen months ago, you posted this on a message board under the screen name Justice4Yall: "Fuck this bitch. Athena Stone murders innocent men and women for sport. The evidence is all there." T-H-E-I-R. "Her manor, her travel records, oh, and in case you were still on the fence, she fucking admitted to it in a text message." "Admitted" was all caps.
Crystal: Huh?
Athena: "Huh?" Is all you have to say for yourself?
Crystal: Everybody you kidnapped and killed... that's 'cause they busted you and your friends and put it on the Internet?
Athena: No one busted us. We were joking. But you ignoramus took it literally. You actually believed we were hunting human beings for sport.
Crystal: But you are.
Athena: What?
Crystal: -Hunting humans beings for sport.
Athena: -No.
Crystal: -Oh, yeah.
Athena: It wasn't true.
Crystal: -Ya -I -just
[stammers]
Crystal: This is your manor, idn't it?
Athena: It's not a fucking a manor! It's a house I rented in Croatia and had decorated.
Crystal: Okay right, but it's yours, and you're hunting people, so it's... I mean, it's true.
Athena: Now! Now it's true because you made it true. You people, you take anything you want and you twist it around until it fits into your backwards fucking worldview. You wanted it to be true, so you decided it was. This was your idea.
Crystal: Well... not my idea.

Debbie: If you wanna do something more than nod and eat a salad, and make a pretty cry-face, you are punished.

Ruth: [Russian accent] Morning, comrade. Ow, ow, ow.
[Ruth puts down her glass of hot tea]
Ruth: [Russian accent] This is how we drink tea in Russia. With pain.
Sam: Okay, can you stop with the accent? It's a little, a little early for that.
Ruth: [Russian accent] It's never too early to be in character.
Sam: Well, yes, it is.
Ruth: What do Russians have against mugs?
Sam: Well, you need the metal thing. There's a metal thing with a handle that the cup goes into.
Ruth: How do you know that?
Sam: I used to date a Russian woman. Yana Popov. Like the vodka. No relation. But she didn't get along with my dog, and she had a, a weird mole.
Ruth: So, why am I here early?
[Debbie walks in the gym and accidentally knocks over the glass of tea]
Debbie: What the fuck? Why is that here?
Ruth: It was too hot. I'll get paper towels.
[Ruth grabs the glass and runs to the restroom]

Debbie: Shot of tequila. Thank you.
Sam: Hey. What the hell are you doing out here? You, you're the fucking title match. I mean, get backstage, get dressed.
Debbie: Well, Sam, you left, so, everyone had to make decisions.
Sam: What are you talking about? I mean, this whole thing builds to the U.S. versus Russia.
Debbie: Ruth has a whole contingency plan. It's, trust me. It'll be fine.
Sam: What? Is she gonna wrestle Keith?
Debbie: Relax. Ruth could wrestle herself and be entertaining.
Sam: You're a fucking quitter.
Debbie: I'm a quitter?
[Sam nods while Debbie drinks her tequila shot]
Debbie: Can we get this guy some coffee?

Sam: All right, so we're at a standstill here? Because I've got 40 cues to work through.
Bash: I've never been in this position before. I don't know the right call, so I called the entertainment director to see what the other shows are doing.
Debbie: I don't care what the other shows do. I say we push opening night by a few days.
Sam: Can we do that?
Debbie: Yeah, we're the producers. We're not running things by Glen anymore. We push so we're not the show that danced on the graves of the astronauts.
Bash: Mm-hmm. Yes. But let's also run it by Sandy.
[Sandy walks in and Bash waves at her]
Bash: Hi!
[Sandy gets her coffee before approaching the trio]
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: Oh, what a morning. I almost crashed my car listening to it on the way in here. How are you all holding up?
Debbie: Everyone's pretty upset.
Sam: Well, it is a fucking tragedy.
Bash: And on opening night. I mean, it's a tough call.
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: You know, I was here when the MGM fire happened. Eighty-five people killed. The entire town was devastated. Guests literally suffocated in their beds.
Bash: Mm-hmm.
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: But when the dust cleared, my old dance captain, Fluff LeCoque, I don't know if you know Fluff, but...
Bash: Mm-hmm...
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: Anyway, Fluff walks into the theater, she takes a deep breath, and she says, 'Well, it doesn't smell like smoke in here.'
[Bash and Sam laugh]
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: And you know what? They were back on the stage the next night.
Sam: Hmm.
Debbie: That's terrible.
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: No, that's Vegas, Mrs. Howard.
Bash: Oh, no, no, no. This isn't my wife. No, my wife plays the scientist.
Debbie: I'm Debbie Eagan. Also a producer.
[Debbie shakes hands with Sandy]
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I... You know, I've been mistaken for somebody's wife so many times, you would think that I would know better.
Bash: Pfft! Yeah. No, it's me, Debbie, and Sam. We're like the, uh... the, uh, what's the thing with the, the three, the...
Sam: Cerberus?
Sam: What? No. What? What...
Sam: It's a three-headed dog.
Debbie: Three Musketeers?
Bash: There we go.
Sam: Oh, Musketeers.
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: Well, sounds like you have everything under control, so, I'll see you tonight.
Bash: You a big wrestling fan?
Sandy Devereaux St. Clair: Uh, I'm a big fan of anything that sells out and gets the people in the casino.

Debbie: What the fuck was that?
Sam: What? You guys had your sneaky little plan, I had mine.
Ruth: It's called a work.
Sam: Well, mine was called, 'Don't be fucking predictable.'
Ruth: Ours wasn't predictable. It was a tag-team match into a double-cross into a phoenix rising from the crowd, which is all very surprising.
Sam: Yeah, and then the American hero wins the Crown? Come on.
Debbie: So, what? Now it's all about trying to win the Crown back from Welfare Queen?
Sam: Yeah. The money's in the chase. I think I'm gonna roll credits over this mayhem.
[Sam walks toward the ring]
Ruth: I think our match was good.
Debbie: I mean, I'm sure I'll hate it when I see it, but it felt good.
Ruth: Debbie, we were great.
[pause]
Ruth: You wanna grab a drink?
Debbie: No. We're not there.

Debbie: Are we sure this is the right channel?
Cherry: Yes.
Melanie: Yes.
Arthie: Are people gonna like it? What if no one watches? What if it turns out we can't wrestle, and we only thought we could. I don't wanna watch.
[Arthie tries to get up]
Ruth: Shh, shh. It's starting!
Bash: [from TV] Bash Howard Productions and Patio Town Inc. proudly present, From the Hayworth Hotel in Los Angeles, California, It's GLOW, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling!

Sam: [through the intercom] Ladies, hello. Hello, Gorgeous Ladies of GLOW. It's opening night. And... And listen, you know, I just wanna...
[clears throat]
Sam: I just wanna say that, uh, you... you've all worked very hard...
[Debbie turns off the intercom]
Debbie: Well, I did wanna say something... to all of you. Um... Ooh! I wasn't sure that we could, uh, bounce back after this morning.
Dawn: What happened this morning?
[everyone looks at Dawn]
Debbie: The Challenger.
Reggie: Oh, my God! I forgot about it too.
Yolanda: Oh, it's official. We're assholes.
Debbie: No, no, no. You were professionals. You were sad, but you pulled it together and you did your jobs. And tonight, thanks to your hard work...
Ruth: I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Can... Can we just take a moment of silence? We're so lucky to all be here together. I... I know we're not acknowledging anything in the show, but... can we have a moment? Is that okay?
Sheila the She: Yeah.
Debbie: Sure.
[the Ladies take their moment of silence in memory of the Challenger crew before Rhonda enters the dressing room with some balloons]
Rhonda: Sorry, I need to put these somewhere. Bash doesn't want balloons at the...
Sheila the She: Shh!
Carmen: We're having a moment of silence for the Challenger.
Rhonda: Oh, shit. Sorry.
[to the hotel staff]
Rhonda: Um, you can just put them in here.
[the bellboys drop the balloons in the dressing room]
Carmen: What's his problem with balloons?
Rhonda: Oh, no, no, no! Just... Just leave 'em. Um, they float about, and floating reminds him of the astronauts.
Melanie: That makes sense.
[as the Ladies continue their moment of silence, some of them begin playing with the balloons]

Stacey: [Hands baby Randy over to Debbie] I know you stopped breastfeeding a while ago, but this kid's got a thing for tits.
Debbie: What can I say? He's a Vegas baby now.

Debbie: I am raising a baby with someone I can't even talk to. And if I leave him, where do I live? Do I live here with you?
[Florian laughs]
Debbie: Why am I feeling guilty about leaving that asshole? And he's... what's the word? Stupid. He is so stupid. Flor, when you cheat on your wife, don't admit everything to her. Lie. Lie to her, Flor.
[whispering]
Debbie: Flor, I'm gonna sit down on the floor.
[Debbie sits on the floor]
Debbie: I feel like I'm losing my mind every 20 minutes. Twenty minutes is... about as long as I can possibly pretend that everything's okay. And I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Except you.
Florian: Oh.
[Florian grabs champagne bucket]
Florian: Here. This is for when you start puking. These carpets are really expensive.
Debbie: Okay.

Debbie: [to Ruth when she realizes Ruth's encounter with the network executive may have ruined the show] Great job, Gloria Steinem! The one time you choose to keep your legs shut, and we *all* get fucked!

Ruth: So, I've been working on these opening moves called...
[Russian accent]
Ruth: 'the hammer and sickle'.
[pause]
Ruth: I'll just show you. I'll just show you. Um... So it's
[Russian accent]
Ruth: the hammer! I start with a body slam. You get back up, and then I sickle your feet so you... you...
[falls to the mat]
Ruth: [Russian accent] And then I get you here. I got you in a hammerlock. Ahh! Ahh! You get up, you turn it around on me. You lock it up, and you think you got me, but then, I come back around with the soon-to-be-famous 'rough toilet paper!' Ahh! And then, you know, it's fight, fight, fight. I'm bad, you're good. I'm winning.
[punch and knee]
Ruth: [Russian accent] You're winning.
[pulls her own hair and rolls forward before dragging herself backwards]
Ruth: [Russian accent] Oh, step off! She's still got me! Oh, you stupid American swine!
[rolls and gets up]
Ruth: [Russian accent] You think you're getting away, but then, I get you by your hair. Ahh! I spin you around and I set you up for 'the bread line.'
[rolls to the ground]
Ruth: [Russian accent] Ohh! I get you up again for 'the potato soup.' Eat it!
[gets up and headbutts the turnbuckle]
Ruth: Oh! Oh! Still working on the names.
[Russian accent]
Ruth: And then, you know, I still... I've got you by the hair and big finish.
[simulates a piledriver]
Ruth: [Russian accent] 'Vodka for breakfast!'
[pause]
Ruth: But then, of course, you would come back and defeat me with some all-American and awesome, because you're... blonde.
Sam: Wow! See? She's the best villain we have. It's everything you need.
Debbie: I think we can do better.
[Debbie walks away]

[last lines]
Athena: [as both lie bleeding on the floor] We're both dying, just tell me I got the right Crystal
Crystal: No ma'am. You did not.
Athena: Whoops

Birdie: Well, I believe in 1986, we're not only gonna keep control of the Senate, we're gonna break that liberal choke hold on the House too.
Bash: You see, Birdie? 'The liberal choke hold.' You do like wrestling.
Birdie: Ah. Hello, sweetheart. Aw. Ooh, you smell nice.
[Birdie looks at Debbie]
Debbie: I'm Debbie Eagan. I'm a friend of Bash's.
Birdie: Oh. You certainly wear a lot of makeup.
Debbie: Oh, thank you.
[nervous look on Debbie's face]

Steel: I sell it, but he's the one with the real strength, the real craft. That's how it is with the bad guys. They're craftsmen.
Debbie: You mean the heel.
Steel: Superfan over here. Yeah. The heel makes the face. Rick has been making me look good for years.
Debbie: That's a good friend.
Steel: We're not friends. You don't have to be friends to wrestle. It's like... an unspoken language. I look at him like this, he looks at me like that. And we know what's gonna go down. Because that's a partnership, you know? We don't like each other, but we make each other better. Shit in the ring, it's just entertainment. But there's gotta be something there that's real. That's what makes it work. That's what makes it hit you. Right... here.
[Steel horse places his hand on Debbie's chest]
Melanie: Debbie? It's getting late.
Steel: It's cool. You probably gotta go home to your boyfriend or your husband or whatever.
Debbie: Uh, you know what? I am actually recently separated, so...
Steel: Oh.
Debbie: Mm-hmm.
Melanie: Debbie, don't make me be the rules person. I'm not emotionally equipped for it.
Debbie: You know what? Why don't you just, just, uh... just take my car.
Carmen: Are you sure?
Debbie: I'll, I'll take a cab. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Melanie: Fantastic. Bye.
Carmen: If Cherry finds out.
Debbie: You know, I'll deal with Cherry. Bye.
Carmen: [waving at Steel Horse] Thanks for having us.
Debbie: Yeah, yeah. Bye.
[Melrose and Carmen leave the dressing room]
Steel: Separated?
Debbie: Yeah.
Steel: I feel bad for your husband.
Debbie: Really? 'Cause I don't give a shit.

[while searching for Athena]
Crystal: I am, like...
[widens eyes with an intense expression to indicate 'crazy/extreme']
Crystal: And I work at a car rental company, and there is nowhere to put that. So maybe today I can, like...
[points with determination]
Crystal: So where the fuck is she?

Ruth: [Yiddish accent] Shalom, everyone! Shalom! Mazel, mazel! I am Gittel, the Orthodox Warrior! It's all about the Jews now.
Melanie: What the fuck is this?
Ruth: [Yiddish accent] I will beat you with a chicken. I will lock you up with my completely covered legs and guilt you into submission.
Sam: What now?
Ruth: It's my new character. See... Look, you're right, you're right. If Russia can't go to war with America, what's the point? Right? So, I'm gonna take...
[points at Arthie]
Ruth: the terrorist, and we are gonna kill. I'm gonna... I'm gonna build settlements all over your ass, and then you're gonna try to blow me up, but it won't work because I'm too clever and thrifty. And then I'll just... Like I'll enter the ring with 17 children who have those little curls and... Oh God! It's gonna be great! I mean, uh, don't get me wrong. I love the Russians. I love the Russians. Could have gone all the way with the Russians, who are... They're pretty big Streisand fans, by the way. But then again, who isn't? I gotta adjust. So, it's all about going with the flow. Just... Come on, bitch. Watch me drop some Talmud on your head.
Arthie: Um...
Melanie: You don't...
Arthie: I, I've been working on stuff with Melrose.
[frustrated look on Ruth's face]
Ruth: What am I supposed to do?
[pause]
Debbie: [Southern accent] Typical whiny Soviet.
[Debbie drops ice pack and heads down to the ring]
Debbie: [Southern accent] 'What should I do? I'm so cold, so I only dress in gray and build things out of cinder block.' Lousy Commies. You think your nukes are so big? Wait till you get a load of our warheads. Because this is the greatest country on Earth, and I am willing to fight for it.
Sam: Yeah.
Debbie: Let's go, you dirty Russian.

Audrey: Get out of my house you zombie whore!

Athena: You wanted it to be true, so you decided it was. This was your idea.
Crystal: Well... Not My idea. Ooh I did not want to mess up your big grilled-cheese speech, but... oh, you done fucked up, lady. See, you got the wrong Crystal. There's another Crystal May Creasey back home. But she spells "May" with an "E." Hey, I get her mail sometimes. And my dad's an asshole, but I don't think he ever did drugs. And my mom... she's alive, too. Can we call her? -Let's call her right now.
Athena: No.
Crystal: Give me the phone.
Athena: No way.
Crystal: I'll call her up
Athena: Do I look fucking stupid?
Crystal: Fine. I'll give you her number and you can call.
Athena: That's not gonna happen.
Crystal: Yeah.
Crystal: Hoo, you don't really care about the truth, do you?
Athena: Of course I do. The only difference is I'm right.
Crystal: Hey, maybe. Maybe not. Now, do I have to keep listening to Beethoven, or can we fucking get on with it?

[Debbie offers her bed for sale]
Henry: Is there anything wrong with it?
Debbie: No, it's in mint condition.
Henry: Did somebody die on it?
Debbie: Only my marriage.
Henry: There must be something wrong with it. One hundred dollars. I'm a handyman, I have tools on the truck. I can take it now.
Debbie: Five hundred.
Henry: One hundred.
[pause]
Debbie: Five hundred.
Henry: My mother's moving in with us. I don't think she'll spend her remaining years sleeping on her son's old twin bed.
[Debbie sells the bed for $100]

Sam: And now the moment you've been waiting for. The final match of the night.
Ruth: You're gonna be great.
Sam: Introducing... Liberty Belle!
[Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard, but Sam makes her stop]
Sam: Stop it.
[Debbie approaches the ring to USA chants by the crowd]
Debbie: [Southern accent] I'd like to call on the power of my three favorite Americans: Ronald Reagan, Larry Bird, and Jesus Christ himself!
Sam: And straight from Moscow. The commisasariat for the proletariat. Here to destroy our American way of life. The Cold War never looked hotter... Zoya the Destroyer!
[Ruth turns on her boombox to play Soviet music before entering the ring]
Debbie: [Southern accent] You've lost, Zoya. Americans will never give up their freedom!
[crowd cheers for Debbie]
Ruth: [Russian accent] Capitalist pig! I will neuter all your pet dogs and fill your swimming pools with borscht!
Debbie: [Southern accent] One last time: Defect or die.
Ruth: [Russian accent] Nyet! Prepare yourself for mutually-assured destruction!