The Best Big Kurt Jackson Quotes

Ruth: Well, um, we're playing the U.S. versus Russia as a sort of Cold War ballet.
Debbie: You guys, I wanna fly. I wanna literally leave the ground and do some serious badass aerial shit. The audience is like, 'Aah!' Like slack-jawed. Maybe they shit their pants.
[pause]
Ruth: I want the whole room to boo me. Like, that's how much they hate me. But still, make it about her, but she's gotta win the match.
[Mighty Tom grabs Big Kurt and attempts to clothesline him, but he misses. Big Kurt runs to the ropes, but Mighty Tom shoulder tackles him]
Mighty: How about a shoulder tackle? That's strong.
Debbie: Yeah.
Ruth: Yeah, well...
Big: How about a drop kick, huh? Like this.
[Big Kurt drop kicks Mighty Tom. Mighty Tom headbutts Big Kurt in the stomach]
Mighty: Ha! How about a headbutt? No? Need more? Okay. Turnbuckle.
[Mighty Tom grabs Big Kurt and slams his head on the turnbuckle]
Debbie: That's kind of exciting.
Ruth: It's kind of cool. Maybe, but...
Big: How about something with a jump, like this?
[Big Kurt jumps to the second turnbuckle and does a flying cross body on Mighty Tom]
Big: Something like that, maybe?
Debbie: Yes, that. I wanna... I wanna do that.

Ruth: So, do I grab onto a specific body part?
Big: You sort of grab everything and fall backwards.
Debbie: Okay. You're not gonna drop me, right?
Ruth: No, I swear. I got you.
Debbie: It's like a fucking trust fall, only I stare at your face and remember all the reasons I don't trust you.
Ruth: Look, if you miss, my body will break the fall. I take the hit.
Debbie: Okay.
[Debbie barely jumps and falls on Ruth]
Debbie: How'd that look?
Carmen: So great.
[Debbie gets up]
Debbie: Let's do it again.

Carmen: Dad!
[silence, as Goliath Jackson and his sons approach the ring]
Bash: Oh! Goliath Jackson. This is such an honor. I'm a huge fan. I'm a Goliath fan.
Goliath: You the promoter?
Bash: No. I'm more of, like, the brainchild, the mastermind-slash-fairy godfather. We don't have a promoter.
Goliath: Who's in charge, then?
Sam: I'm in charge.
Goliath: You?
Sam: Yeah. I'm the director.
Mighty: Did you direct Star Wars?
Sam: No, I didn't direct Star Wars.
[disappointed look in Mighty Tom's face]
Big: Love Star Wars.

Carmen: Can you guys talk to him? Can you just try?
Big: Dude. He was so pissed when he found that pillow dummy in your bed.
[Bash rushes out of the gym]
Bash: Machu Picchu, wait! Wait up!
[Goliath and his sons are about to board his van. He turns around and sees Bash kissing Carmen]
Bash: I understand the shackles of family expectations. Your father's got nothing on my mother. Trust me, just go with it.
[Bash and Carmen approach the van]
Bash: Introduce me to your family.
Carmen: Dad, this is my boyfriend.
Bash: My name's Sebastian Howard, and, uh, your daughter and I are very much in love.
Carmen: We take our relationship very seriously.
Bash: But it's also new, and we're taking things very slow.
Carmen: But not too slow, 'cause... I'm moving in with him.
Goliath: You wanna wrestle? You need to learn how to sell. You're both terrible.
Carmen: Fine. I lied.
Goliath: You've been lying for weeks. Going on about this new job at Macy's.
Carmen: Yeah, because you wouldn't have let me audition. I'm 25, Dad. I don't need your permission. It's my life. You can be supportive or I can leave, like Mom.

Big: You call this a battle royale? Looks more like a pillow fight.

[Ruth, Debbie, and Carmen arrive at Goliath's house]
Debbie: So, this is it, huh? House at the top of the beanstalk.
Ruth: It's gonna be great.
[Mighty Tom laughs while eating a can of Pringles]
Mighty: Look who came crawling back.
Carmen: Hey, Tommy.
Mighty: You're lucky Dad's on the road.
Carmen: I'm not here to apologize to him.
Big: What's going on?
Ruth: We need your help. We came to train with you, the Lumberjacksons.
[pause]
Mighty: We're busy.
Carmen: You're sitting on the porch eating Pringles.
[Mighty Tom wipes a potato chip from his shirt]
Carmen: They'll do it.