The Best Billy Offal Quotes

Regina: Justine? Uh, uh, someone is here to see you.
[Sam arrives in the house]
Regina: You kids want anything?
Billy: No. Thanks, Mom.
Sam: I'll take some coffee.
Regina: Oh.
Sam: Thank you.
Justine: How did you find me?
Sam: I called the pizza place. I ordered a pizza. I shook down the kid who brought it, and he sang like a canary.
[looks at Billy]
Sam: So you must be the famous Billy.
[Billy stands up]
Sam: Relax with the standing and sticking your chest out. I'm just here to talk.
Justine: I don't have anything to say to you.
Sam: Look, I'm sorry I tried to fuck you, okay? I-If you'd told me you were my daughter, I would never had done that.
[pause, then Sam turns around to look at Regina]
Regina: Milk? Sugar?
Sam: Oh, uh, black. Thank you.
Justine: So this is my fault.
Sam: Look, I get that there's no great way to deliver this news, okay? But, but, but coming out here and pretending to audition for a show that I'm directing, and then following me around like some crazed fangirl, I mean, definitely, you know, made it, you know, worse. Th-That's all I'm saying.
Justine: I just... wanted to meet you. That was it. That was all I'd figured out. It wasn't like... some diabolical plan.
Sam: Is your name really Justine?
Justine: Yes. Justine Victoria Biagi.
Sam: That's a nice name. So, are you coming to the show? We've got a ballroom or something down at the Hayworth.
Justine: I don't actually care about wrestling. I didn't do any of this so I could wrestle.
Sam: All right. Well, listen, kid. I-It can only get better from here. I-I think. I hope. That, that's what I'm holding on to.

Justine: I mean, does he even know my name? What if I call him, and I'm like, 'Hi, this is Justine,' and he's like, 'Who?'
Arthie: He knows your name.
Justine: Maybe he's been expecting me to call. Now he's mad. What if he, like, hangs up on me? What if I have to talk to his mom?
[knock on door]
Justine: He probably already has a girlfriend, anyway. Some cool punk girl who's in a band, and knows how to give a blow job without choking.
[Justine opens the door and suddenly sees Billy]
Justine: I... I didn't order pizza.
Arthie: I did.
[Arthie grabs her backpack and walks toward the door]
Arthie: I'm going to study. I'll be back later. In exactly 45 minutes.
[Arthie pays for the pizza]
Arthie: Don't try to choke on anything. Thanks.
[Arthie walks out with the pizza as Justine nervously stares at Billy]
Billy: You didn't call me.
Justine: I'm sorry.
Billy: It's okay.
[Billy kisses Justine before closing the door]

Gregory: I have woman, sometimes. She thinks I don't give enough pleasure with mouth.
Billy: I really like this girl, man... but I can't seem to say anything right.
Gregory: Hmm... Maybe you give pleasure with mouth. You don't talk so much, you don't say wrong things.
Billy: That's a thought.

[Billy knocks on Justine and Arthie's door]
Justine: Hi.
Billy: Hey.
[pause]
Billy: You got black olives this time.
[pause]
Justine: Yeah. I like the color black.
Billy: Yeah? Cool.
[pause]
Billy: So, um, it'll be 11 even.
Justine: Oh, right.
[Justine grabs her wallet and pays Billy for the pizzas]
Billy: So, um, I'll see you around.
Justine: Yeah.
[Billy walks away as Justine closes the door in embarrassment]
Justine: Oh-ohhh! 'I like the color black'? Ugh, he must think I'm a total fucking poser! Why can't I talk to him?
[sighs]
Justine: I can't order any more pizza. I'm out of cash until next Friday.
Arthie: Good thing he wrote his number on the box.
[Justine turns around and sees Billy's name and phone number on the box]
Justine: Whoa. Do you think he actually wants me to call him?
[pause]
Arthie: Yeah.