The Best Gazelle Quotes

Valentine: Is he dead?
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.

[Valentine receives a notice that Professor Arnold has been terminated]
Valentine: Fuck that guy, whoever he is! I'm gonna... He made me kill Professor Arnold. Goddamn loved Professor Arnold.
Gazelle: Well the good news is we know the emergency surveillance system works.
Valentine: You know what's not good news? 'My colleague died,' that's what he said. This is an organization and they're all over us. Whoever you spoke to...
Gazelle: I told you. I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad, and Beijing. They all insist it wasn't one of theirs.
Valentine: Beijing. So freaky how there's no recognizable name for the Chinese Secret Service. Now that's what you call a secret, right? You know what? Fuck it. We need to speed things up. Bring the product release forward.
Gazelle: We're only halfway into production. Speeding it will cost a fortune.
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck? Just get it done.

Gazelle: Looks like a lot of people are going to die.
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?

[Valentine notices the people in the party room looking gloomy]
Valentine: The fuck's wrong with them?
Gazelle: I don't know. Could be something to do with the mass genocide.
Valentine: Give me the mic.
[Gazelle hands Valentine a microphone. Valentine stands up]
Valentine: Hey all! Everybody listen up! What the fuck is wrong with you people? I just want to remind you all that today is a day of celebration. We must put aside all thoughts of death, and focus on birth. The birth of a new age. We mustn't mourn the ones who give their lives today. We should honor their sacrifice, and their role in saving the human race. We must put aside doubts and guilt. You are the chosen people. When folks tell their kids the story about Noah's Ark, is Noah the bad guy?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: Is God the bad guy?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: How about the animals marching two by two?
[Crowd says no]
Valentine: Of course not! Yeah, that's it! Let's turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!