The Best Merlin Quotes

Merlin: Hugo, Digby: you don't land in the K, you're not in the K. Rufus, you opened too soon. You were all over the radar. All three of you, pack your bags. Go home.
[the three candidates leave]
Merlin: Eggsy, Roxy, congratulations. You set a new record. Opening at 300 feet, that's pretty ballsy. Well done for completing another task. Fall out.
[Roxy and Charlie leave. Eggsy stays, angered that he was the one without a parachute]
Gary: Sorry, sir, but why the fuck did you choose me as the gimp? Am I the expendable candidate?
Merlin: No, no, no. You don't talk to me like that. If you have a complaint, you come here and whisper it in my ear.
[Eggsy approaches Merlin]
Merlin: You need to take that chip off your shoulder.
[Merlin pulls Eggsy's rip cord, revealing that he had a parachute the whole time]

[after Eggsy puts on his suit]
Merlin: Looking good, Eggsy.
Gary: Feeling good, Merlin.

[Lee Unwin prevents a captive terrorist from killing his comrades with a suicide bomb by jumping over him before the explosion. Hart removes his mask]
Harry: Shit. Fucking missed it. How did I fucking miss it? Merlin.
[Merlin removes his mask]
Harry: I apologise for putting you in this position. You trained him well.
Merlin: James
[James removes his mask]
Merlin: Your training... is over.
Harry: Welcome to Kingsman, Lancelot.
Lancelot: Sir.
Harry: [Looking at Unwin's body] I'll deal with this mess... personally.

Merlin: As some of you will have learned last night, teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman. We're here to enhance your skills and test you to the limit. Which is why you're gonna pick a puppy. Wherever you go, your dog goes. You will care for it. You will teach it. And by the time it's fully trained, so will you be. Those of you who are still here, that is. Do you understand? Choose your puppy.
[the candidates approach the cages. Eggsy gets a pug while Roxy gets a black poodle]
Gary: A poodle?
Roxy: What? They're gun dogs. Oldest working breed. Easy to train.
[Looks at Eggsy's pug]
Roxy: A pug.
Gary: It's a bulldog, ain't it?
[Disappointing look at Roxy's face]
Gary: It'll get bigger, don't it?
[Roxy shakes her head]
Gary: Shit.

[Eggsy enters the study room with JB to meet with Arthur]
Gary: Merlin said you wanted to see me, sir?
Arthur: Sit down.
[Eggsy sits down while Arthur looks at JB]
Arthur: Pretty dog. What's his name?
Gary: JB.
Arthur: As in James Bond?
Gary: No.
Arthur: Jason Bourne?
Gary: No. Jack Bauer.
Arthur: Oh.
[pauses]
Arthur: Bravo. It pains me to admit it, Eggsy, but one day, you might be as good a spy as any of them.
[Arthur pulls out a gun and points it at Eggsy, then offers it to him]
Arthur: Take it.
[Eggsy takes the gun]
Arthur: Shoot the dog.
[Surprised look at Eggsy, as he points the gun at JB. Meanwhile, in the room next door, Merlin hands Roxy a gun]
Merlin: This weapon is live. Shoot the dog.
[Back in the study room, Eggsy continues to hesitate as JB stares at him. He shakes his head in disagreement]
Arthur: Give me the gun.
[Eggsy points the gun at Arthur. Suddenly, there is a gunshot from next door. Arthur takes the gun from him]
Arthur: At least the girl's got balls. Get out. I knew you couldn't make it. Go home.
[Eggsy and JB leave the room]
Arthur: Merlin, send in Roxy, please.

[the Interrogator questions Charlie, who is tied to a railroad track]
The: Is Kingsman worth dying for?
Charlie: No it fucking isn't! Shit! I'll tell you what you want, please! Chester King's Arthur! Arthur's head of the secret spy agency! It's called Kingsman! Get me out of here!
The: Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated.
[Interrogator walks away]
Charlie: No, that wasn't the fucking deal!
[Train passes over Charlie and the section he's tied to drops down. Section rises as Arthur arrives at the scene]
Arthur: I had such high hopes for you. You're a bloody disgrace.
Charlie: I'm so sorry. Please untie me.
Arthur: Untie yourself.
[Arthur walks away]
Charlie: Arth- Arthur, please. Shit. Anyone!
[Merlin, Hart, Eggsy, Roxy, and Percival observe the scene in the control room]
Merlin: Galahad, Percival, congratulations. Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you will have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. From now on, there are no safety nets. Understood?
[Eggsy and Roxy look at each other and nod to Merlin]
Merlin: Good. Dismissed.
[the Kingsman agents and candidates leave the room. Merlin turns around and turns on the loudspeaker at the railway]
Merlin: Charlie, time to go home.
Charlie: Fuck you! Fucking dad's gonna hear about this!

[Eggsy and JB enter Hart's hospital room]
Harry: Ever heard of knocking?
Gary: Only when I'm casing a place to rob. Merlin said you wanted to see me.
[JB barks at Hart]
Harry: I hope JB's training is going as well as yours is.
Gary: Sit.
[JB sits]
Harry: Congratulations on making it to the final six candidates. Your test results were even better than I could've hoped.
[Knock on the door]
Harry: Come in.
[Merlin enters the room]
Merlin: Ah. Eggsy, I need to have a private conversation. You're dismissed.
Harry: Nonsense. Let him observe. He might learn a thing or two.
Merlin: As you wish. Take a look at this.
[Merlin plays the video recording of Professor Arnold's head exploding]
Gary: Fucking hell! That's just rank, Harry. You blew up his head. It's a bit much, ain't it?
Merlin: Actually, the explosion was caused by an implant in his neck. Here, under that scar.
Harry: Did my hardware pick up the signal that triggered it?
Merlin: Fortunately, yes. Unfortunately, the IP address it traced it to is registered to the Valentine Corporation.
Harry: That's not much of a lead. They have millions of employees worldwide.
Gary: That Richmond Valentine's a genius.
[Surprised look by Hart and Merlin]
Gary: Did you not see his announcement today?
[Eggsy grabs Merlin's clipboard and sets the TV to Valentine's speech]