Top 20 Quotes From Gomer Pyle

Gomer: That Wally - when it comes to motors, he sure got as green thumb.

Gomer: You never do let me look

Aunt: Oh, by the way, Gomer, how are you feeling?
Gomer: Sick as a dog, but having the time of my life.

Gomer: Mr. Tucker.
Malcolm: Ah, my car ready?
Gomer: No. Goober thinks you need a new set of spark plugs.
Malcolm: Well, change 'em.
Gomer: They're $1.15 apiece.
Malcolm: Fine, fine...
Gomer: She's an eight-cylinder. She'll take eight.
Malcolm: Go do it.
Gomer: One for each cylinder?
Malcolm: Go, boy, go! Do it!
Gomer: We have your permission then?
Malcolm: Yes, yes.
Gomer: Didn't want you to say later on we'd overcharged you.
Malcolm: GO DO IT!
Gomer: Right.
Gomer: [about to leave, Gomer turns to Andy] Goober says "hey," Andy.
Andy: Hey to Goober.

Gomer: [spotting two guys hiding in the alley] Shazam! We better call the police.
Barney: We ARE the police, you and me.

Gomer: Goober deemed it real honor to get under that fine a machine.

Sheriff: What's wrong?
Gomer: Nothing. Why do you ask?
Sheriff: Well, Gomer, whenever I see a man settin' by hisself in a Quonset hut with a bucket on his head, I've got to ask, "What's wrong?"

Deputy: Gomer, I have to uphold the law, no matter what! It's only what any responsible person should do. Why, even if I weren't a policeman, I would still arrest you for making a illegal U-turn... any person can do that, you know... it's called a citizen's arrest.
Gomer: [seeing Barney make a U-turn with his squad car as he drives away] Hey! HEEEYYYY - - BARNEY! You made an illegal u-turn YOURSELF! You're breakin' the law, and so I, as a responsible person, need to arrest you! Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!

Barney: We gotta get some guy that's not been around too much, you know, really naive, some guy with not too much upstairs, in other words, a real dope.
Gomer: [Gomer enters] Hey Andy! Hey Barney!

Andy: [examing Gomer's purchases] Let's see... new socks...
Gomer: You don't think they're too porous, do you?
Andy: Huh?
Gomer: I'd hate for my leg hairs to poke through!

Gomer: [asked who else could fix Malcolm's car] My cousin Goober, that's who.
Malcolm: He knows about motors?
Gomer: He hopped up an old V8 engine, put it on his rowboat. That thing'll do eighty. Now that's fast on water.

Barney: [as his passengers sing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] Wait a minute! Hold it, everybody! Listen!
[everyone quiets down and bumping sounds are heard]
Andy: Just bumps on the road.
Thelma: What it sounds like to me.
Gomer: It's just bumps on the road.
Aunt: That's what it sounds like to me.
Opie: Me, too.

Deputy: Gentlemen, I give you science in action, proof positive the camera does not lie. It sees all, tells all. THERE is your criminal!
[Slams picture from security camera on desk, only to discover it's a picture he accidentally shot of himself setting up the device]
Deputy: [Aghast] Well, it's ME!
Gomer: You take a real good picture, Barney. Me, I never do.

Barney: You see a wild bird just flies in there to get them berries and then it knocks against that stick there and then this, this snare, you see, just falls down on it and you got it.
Gomer: Well, I guess it's gonna be tough eatin', though. A bird strong enough to move them rocks and knock that stick over's bound to be on the muscular side.

Barney: [Gomer has been babbling an irrelevant story about his cousin Goober] Gomer! Two people are trapped in a cave, and you stand there yakkin' about your stupid cousin Goober.
Gomer: I'm sorry, Barn.
Barney: Well, look alive man!, get on that phone and see if you can get a hold of some more volunteers. Wait a minute! First help me get these things to the squad car. We're gonna have to make two trips.
Gomer: He ain't stupid.
Barney: What?
Gomer: My cousin Goober ain't stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid.

Gomer: [Barney is upset with Gomer and walks out, refusing to speak to him] What's the matter with Barney?
Sheriff: Well Gomer, Barney's been bitten by the green eyed monster.
Gomer: He has? Well they got some stuff down at the drugstore that'll keep 'em off of you. One fell on me just yesterday!

Thelma: I smell gas. Do you smell gas, Andy?
Andy: I smell gas.
Opie: I smell gas.
Gomer: I smell gas.
Aunt: I smell gas, too.
Barney: All right, all right, all right, you smell gas! Course you smell gas! What do you think this car runs on, coal?

Gomer: Shazam! The trap worked!

Gomer: [looking at a picture of Old Man Rimshaw] Ain't he the one who put chains on his hired man and then done away with him?
Barney: With an axe.
Gomer: An axe? Shazam...

Gomer: Hey, Andy.
Sheriff: Hey, Gomer.
Gomer: Hey, Barney.
Deputy: Hey, Gomer.
Gomer: What time's the gold truck comin' through?