The Best Hamilton Camp Quotes

Meteor: Well, it ain't a meteor.
Joe: Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.
Meteor: Well I'm sure it did but it ain't no meteor. It's a big ol' frozen chunk o' shit.
Joe: What?
Meteor: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call 'em Boeing bombs.
[chomps teeth]
Joe: No, that can't be. That's not what it is.
Meteor: Oh, afraid so. See that peanut? Dead giveaway.
Joe: Uhhh, no, that's a space peanut.
Meteor: No, afraid not. That just a big ol' frozen chunk of poopy.
Studio manager: Dude, you were eating off it!

H.G. Wells: I won't let you hurt him, I will fight you with my last breath.
Tempus: Really?
H.G. Wells: I swear it!
Tempus: [hits Wells who falls unconscious] Sorry, can't have you swearing in front of the baby.

H.G. Wells: I refuse to believe that something so diabolical could be so easy!
Tempus: Well that's very Protestant of you.

H.G. Wells: You're a fiend beyond comprehension.
Tempus: And a good dancer but enough small talk. Let's go to my place. There's only room in town for one time traveler and you and this contraption are better off in my hand.
H.G. Wells: And if I refuse?
Tempus: Go ahead, make my days.

H.G. Wells: My dear I believe if we knew to the second the exact moment of Clark's disappearance I might be able to find him with the time machine.
Lois: To the second?
H.G. Wells: Well anything less and I could miss him by literally billions of years.
Lois: I have no idea. There was so much going on I barely remember what day it was.
H.G. Wells: Yes well there you have it.

Jonathan: And who are you?
H.G. Wells: H. G. Wells.
Jonathan: The writer? Aren't you dead?
H.G. Wells: Well, only some of the time.

H.G. Wells: Lois I know how bringing Clark here must look.
Lois: That any thought of retrieving my Clark is hopeless? That the only thing standing between Tempus and world conquest is Superman? Is that what you think I think it looks like?
H.G. Wells: I'd say the world could use a Superman just now.
Clark: Lois, I'm not your Clark, but I can be Superman. In my world I've become the Superman that you encouraged me to be.
Lois: I know this sounds awful but I really don't want you here. It's like having Clark but not. And accepting you means accepting that he's gone and I'm not ready to do that.
Clark: Clark would want me to stay.
Lois: How do you know what Clark would want?
Clark: He'd want me to protect this world. He'd want me to protect you.

H.G. Wells: The hardest lesson is that love can be so fair to some and so cruel to others, even those who could be gods.

Clark: You--are the luckiest man alive.
Clark: [looks at Lois, then back at him] I know.
Clark: If my Lois had lived, my world would be a better place, especially for me.
H.G. Wells: I've been meaning to ask you... She was lost in the Congo before you two even met?
Clark: Which is strange, you know... Missing someone that you've never even met. I tried to find her, but... It's impossible.
H.G. Wells: My boy, I never say 'impossible.'

Lois: Thank you. You were wonderful just like I knew you would be.
Superman #2: Lois I just wish I could do the same thing for your Clark.
H.G. Wells: We need the exact second the time window exploded.
Lois: We don't have that.
Dragon: Explosion? You mean like in John Doe's hotel room?
Lois: Yeah. What do you know about it?
Dragon: ...I'll tell you what Lane, if I scratch your back maybe you can put in a good word for me.
[Takes out a watch Tempus gave him]
Dragon: He wanted me to go out and get a new watch for him. He said it was stopped by an explosion.
H.G. Wells: [In the Time Machine with Lois] We must arrive at precisely the moment I've chosen or he is lost.
Superman: [They find Superman, Lois jumps out and grabs him] Lois!
[They kiss]

Tempus: [watching alternate Clark become Superman] Bravo, Mr. Kent. My plan is working perfectly.
H.G. Wells: You have a plan?
Tempus: Yes, Herb. I'm the bad guy- we always have a plan.

Tempus: I know what you've done, you treasonous little bug! You've imported that muscle-locked Boy Scout from that other universe to this one.
H.G. Wells: The power of the human spirit cannot be confined to one time or place--it's everywhere!
Tempus: Oh, save that drivel for your overrated novels.
H.G. Wells: It's only a matter of time before he scans the city with X-ray vision and locates me.
Tempus: Anticipating that possibility, I've relocated us to this abandoned fallout shelter. It's lined with lead. Now, get in that machine and take that overstuffed set of tights back where he belongs.
H.G. Wells: And what will you do if I refuse? Kill me?
Tempus: You bet.
H.G. Wells: Anticipating your villainy, I have adjusted the machine so that only I can operate it. Now what's going to happen to your plan when Superman examines the phone system, as he will, and discovers your fiendish alteration?
Tempus: While you were anticipating my villainy, I was anticipating your anticipation and began implementation of an even more insidious plan to spread my message, and now that you're my captive, you won't be able to blow the whistle on me or use the bloody time machine yourself. But I'm getting bored with you, Herb. We seemed joined at the hip, you and I, and when I get *really* bored with someone... Well, Mr. Secretary, I believe you're familiar with your duties.

Andy: Why don't you get a job and go to work? It's not hard.
Jeff: You think stealin's easy?