The Best Jeanie Bueller Quotes

Boy: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy: Drugs.

[calling the police]
Jeannie: Look, this is not a phony phone call. There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen. Yeah. My-my - my name is Bueller...
[pause]
Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, I am very alone, and I am very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed, all right? I need - help! Speaka de English? Dick-head!

Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris?
[Solicits Jeannie]
Shermerite: Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Excuse me?
Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. They run about 50 g's, so if you wouldn't mind helping out...
Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.
Shermerite: I'm sorry?
Jeannie: You should be.
[Knocks the can out of his hand]
Shermerite: You heartless wench!

[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems...]
Boy: There's someone you should talk to.
Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.
Boy: Oh, you know him?