The Best Oz Quotes

Steve: You actually said that?
[laughs hysterically]
Chris: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me, Nova.
Chris: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie.
[shouts]
Steve: *suck me, beautiful!*
[walks off, laughing]

Steve: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve: What? Whatever.

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

Chris: Suck me, beautiful.
College: What did you just say?
Chris: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris: Friends call me Nova, as in Casanova.
College: That's pathetic!
Chris: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

Jim: Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!
Chris: She's a mermaid dude.
Jim: Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz.

Steve: [at choir practice] What did you cocks do to him?
Chris: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

Chris: [On being sensitive] You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

[Deleted Scene. The boys sit by the lockers]
Chris: She's a college chick.
Jim: Cassanova!
Chris: Debbie.
Steve: Bullshit - from where?
Chris: She works part-time at my dad's store.
Steve: Yeah right, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store.
Chris: Dude, come on, he does not.
Kevin: Really, Stifler, he's the manager.
Steve: Hey, I'm not making fun - I'm fucking impressed! I mean, "Hi, six inch or foot-long, white or wheat?" - that's some serious shit to master!
Kevin: Stifler, you're such an asshole!
Steve: [chuckles] Myers... I mean, what's the deal with you and Vicky anyways? I mean you guys have been going since homecoming for God's sake and all she'll do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd!
Finch: Do you commonly grasp warm pieces of stool?
Steve: I do when I'm throwing them at your mom, you damn freak!

[Deleted Scene. Jim, Oz and Kevin walk down the corridor]
Jim: Oh man...
Chris: Shit dude, the 'L' word?
Jim: And what did you say?
Kevin: Nothing - I mean I hugged her back.
Chris: Good, then you're still safe.
Jim: You think she was serious?
Kevin: Well, well, she could have meant like "I love you Grandma" or "I Love you Cornell"
Jim: Yeah, yeah.
Chris: Hey, don't worry about it bro, I got the solution; It never happened. Forget about it. Don't mention it again and just lay low and hopefully - hopefully - she won't mention it again.
Jim: Yeah.
Chris: Yeah, no Sweat.
Jim: I couldn't have said it better myself
Chris: [snorts] You couldn't have said it at all Jim...
Jim: Hey.

Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys! Come on, you're ruining my moment here. I mean, this is our very manhood at stake.

[Deleted Scene. Jim and Oz walk outside]
Chris: She's a cartoon, dude.
Jim: She's a hot cartoon.
Chris: Dude, is there anything you don't jerk off to?
Jim: Of course there is. C-Span.